Never Too Much
by Bug Evans
Summary: Games are always fun to play... except in matters of the heart when the rules change and someone gets hurt. Contains spoilers for S2E17 "Proteus" & S2E19 "Trojan Horse". This is my first fan fiction so suggestions/reviews are greatly welcomed and appreciated as long as it's constructive criticism!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter I:**

The timer goes off breaking the thick and awkward silence filling Jocelyn Carter's appartement. The time is up, the three dreadful minutes have past. It felt like hours. She take a quick glance at John who is leaning against her close bathroom door facing her. His jaw clenches at the sound of the timer and his eyes widen in fear and anticipation. Joss doesn't know how she feels about doing this with him around, on the other hand she is the one who pleaded for him to stay. She looks away from him, setting her gaze on her bedroom's carpet floor. By now she should have stood up and made her way to the bathroom to retrieve the stick from hell, but she didn't move. She can't move.

When she had emerged from her bathroom earlier, she had set the stick on her sink and quickly walked back to her bedroom making sure to close her bathroom door behind her. As if closing the door behind it would make it easy to forget or make it disapear completely.

John hasn't moved from his spot, he's nervous. Too nervous to make a move so he's standing there, in silence, his arms crossed on his chest. He takes a long look at Carter who is sitting on her bed, gazing at the floor as if it hold the meaning of life. Loose curls of jet black hair are flowing around her face, grazing her cheek. She isn't wearing any make up and her eyes are puffy from all the tears she had shed earlier, still to John Reese she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on. She's wearing a simple white tank top and black yoga pants. He could see her perfect curves, Carter looked like she had been cautiously carved out of clay before being brought to life. She lean forward for a second and he could catch a second glimpse of her tattoo, this time all he could see was an angel wing and the begining of a vine. He makes a mental note to ask her about her tattoo later.

"Don't you think you should take a look at it?" It had been a couple of minutes since the timer went off. Surely she wants to know?

"I should. But I don't want to." Looking back at John, she gives him a weak smile. His eyes are soft and a lighter shade of blue, a faint smile cross his lips as he points to the door behind him.

"I have to, don't I?" she asks without really asking. She knows she has to even though she _really _doesn't want to go in there. She stands up and reluctantly walks in his direction, once she's facing him John moves out of the way and reaches for her hand lightly squizzing it to encourage her. She looks at him, seeking reassurance in his eyes, she knows whatever the outcome maybe she is not alone. He told her so a year ago and proved it to her time and time again. She knows she can trust him, if he says everything will be fine then it will. John gives her a quick nod as if to tell her she'll be fine and it's all she needs. She takes a deep breath before turning the door knob and opening the door. As she makes her way to the sink she recalls the night's events leading to this moment.

* * *

It all started when he texted her which to Carter was still fascinating. John Reese knew how to text like a normal individual. "He never texted me before", Carter thought, he would always call or have Finch call her. Truth is, moments before reading it she knew she wouldn't like what was about to happen, she also had mixed feelings. She was worried, that was the easy feeling to pinpoint. Why was he texting her? Was he in such a compromising or overly dangerous predicament he couldn't talk to her? But what was that second feeling, that little pinch to her heart? Was it disapointment? Was she actually disapointed he chose to text instead of calling like he usually do? She quickly brushed off the feeling wondering what was happening to her to make her think like that. It was her day off and he knew it, she had made it clear to him and Finch she wasn't to be bothered with work. Damn and she was just starting to relax too. After a solid minute of wondering what he could possibly want from her she decided to read the text.

**Don't get too comfortable Carter, I'm picking you up in 10 minutes.**

What the hell was he thinking? She felt her heartbeat quicken as her mind was reeling at all the possibilities this simple message could imply. Taking a long sip of her red wine she calmed herself down before sending her reply. Was he on some sort of drugs? Or had he bumped his head on some concrete walls? Why was she nervous?

**Unless you know an other Carter, you're picking up nobody. It's my day off!**

He was so irritating and frustrating yet she couldn't help the smile starting to draw on her lips at the thought of him. The thought of seeing him.

John was not pleased by her answer but he knew he would have it his way. Carter was stubborn sure, but he knew just what to say to get her to give in. Not that he liked to manipulate her...well unless that gave him some sort of excuses to spend some time with her. For some reason John always felt the need to know how the Detective was doing, how she was holding on after everything that happened to her in the last year. She almost got killed by her CI on Elias's orders, almost lost her son when Elias had him kidnapped, got arrested because of him and lost two friends. Well, Beecher was more than a friend to her but he really did not like to think about it. Part of him was blaming himself for everything, he knew if he and Finch stayed away from her she would be safe, as safe has a cop can be that is. But he could not stay away from her. He could take bullets, he could handle torture but staying away from Jocelyn Carter was impossible.

**Be there in 5. Who talked about work anyway?**

Was she drunk already? Or was she the one on some type of drug? Did John Reese just implied he was gonna pick her up just to hang out? At this thought she suddenly felt self-concious about her outfit, and the way she looked in general. Making her way to the bathroom she gave a quick look in the mirror. A mess. She looked like a mess. Bad hair day, she had no make up on and to top it off she definitly did not have the time to do anything about it. Her heart rate quicken again. She was feeling nervous, suddenly wondering what he would think of her. She really needed to do something about those weird train of thoughts.

**I thought it was always all work and no play with you. Where are you taking me?**

He knew she would give in but he never thought it would be that easy. He didn't even have to do anything. He had wrapped things up pretty fast with their person of interest and had no new number to work on, Finch was busy with other matters and gave him the night off, Han was not in the park in the evenings so he had no one to play chess with and a bord John Reese was a bomb waiting to explode. He smirked at the irony, thinking back to a few weeks prior when he almost did explode. Literally. As always when the scene replayed in his mind he froze on Carter's face when she told him she could try to disactivate the bomb, the way she held onto him with a strong yet fearful grip. He remembered the way she reluctantly unhanded him as Fusco was leading her out. He saw fear, concern and something else he couldn't quite pinpoint. Or maybe he was too afraid to admit he knew exactly what it was.

**Waiting for you in the car. Come if you want to find out Detective. **

How she hated him! He was playing games now, as if she had time for that. "Actually, you do have time", she thought, but that was beside the point. After a few seconds of reflexion she got up, put on her shoes, grabbed her personal phone and her keyes and purse. After locking her appartement door she shoved all her items in her purse with more energy than necessary causing everything to fall on the floor. "Shit!" she muttered, she really was not in the mood for Reese's games and much less for treasure hunting. She swiftly caught her lipstick before it rolled down the staircase and then proceeded to pick the rest of her stuff scattered at her feet. John felt the tiniest bit of panic at the thought that she might not come after all. She should be here by now. He decided to check on her to see why it took her so long to come down. He went up the stairs of her brownstone and quickly up to her floor. She was picking up stuff in front of her door. He smiled as he heard her curse under her breath, out of frustration maybe? He went up the few more steps before something on the floor caught his eye. He quickly shook his head at the absurdity of it. But it was still there. He picked it up, astonished and confused as to why Carter would keep a picture of him and Jessica.

"Carter, what is that?" his voice was low, not quite a whisper yet the tone was harsh. She jumped at the sound of his voice, she hadn't heard nor seen him coming. Damn him and his stealth. "Damn, John! You scared me. Didn't you learn not to sneak up on a woman?" she replied in a semi annoyed tone before setting her eyes on the piece of paper he was holding. She froze. She felt like a cheater who'd been caught. She had forgotten about the picture, completely. Almost completely. She had meant to give it to him but never find the right time, the right place or the right thing to say.

"What is that?" he asked again his voice even lower and menacing.

"I've been meaning to get it back to you. Maybe we should talk about it in a more private setting? Somewhere not so open?" she asked softly. She knew it was a make it or break it kind of situation. Either he would accept her explanation and never hold it against her or he would run off and avoid her for months. She tried searching his face for the faintest hint of something. Anything. At this point she would be happy to see that smirk of his. But there was nothing. He had shut down. His features were hard, his eyes were almost a metalic silvery blue. "John? Please, say something..."

He did not talk though, he simply nodded yet she understood him. Reaching for her keyes with a trembling hand Carter opened her door. Taking a step in she invited him to enter. He was still silent. Although his face was closed she could see it in his eyes. He was battling with all the questions he wanted to ask her the most obvious being "How did you get this?" which he asked right after stepping inside. She could not face him, for whatever reason. Closing her door behind him she leaned against it, her head down. Where to start? How could she explain her reason for shredding his army file, but still keeping a faint trace of his past? More importantly how could she possibly begin to explain to him why she was carrying the picture around with her everyday of her life when she couldn't even begin to explain it to herself?

"N-New Rochelle..." she trailed off carefully gathering her thoughts in an attempt to stay in control of the conversation. If she kept her cool and explained everything that went down surely he would not be mad at her, right? She wondered why she was so afraid at the mere possibility of him being mad at her. "I went there with Donnelly back when I had to pretend I was after The Man in A Suit. We went to Jessica's mother to question her. After Donnelly left I asked her about Jessica's past relationships and she mentioned a soldier. Somehow I knew it was you so I asked for a photo to be sure. She told me she had none but still kept some of Jessica's stuff and allowed me to go through them. I found the picture in a jewelry box and took it with me." Part of Carter knew it was a really lame attempt at an explanation but it's the best she could do without risking betraying her reasons behind keeping the picture this long. Hell she was unwilling to admit these reasons to herself she was certainly not about to revel them to John.

"Mexico..." he said with a slight smile, almost to himself, while walking toward the sofa to take a sit. The sound of his voice brought Joss back to reality. Lifting her head she saw him stalk to the sofa and quickly followed in his steps consciously keeping a remote distance between them. He sat on the edge of her couch as if he needed to make sure he could easily spring out of his sit, she sat on the other end. Carter was still not looking at him which bothered John to a certain extent although he really did not know how to process this piece of information. Hell, he did not know how to process any of what just happened in the last few minutes. "Mexico, that's where the picture was taken. I was done with the army, got back home we packed and flew to Mexico. I didn't take time to change I was so eager to spend some time with her. We ordered piña coladas and the waiter took the picture for us. Little did we know we would be spending our last days together..."

His voice was strangled she noticed. There you go, that's one of the many reasons why she's been carrying this picture around instead of giving it to him, Joss couldn't bear the pain in his voice. She'd seen him vulnerable before but it was physical pain that brought out this vulnerability something she knew he could recover from. Joss had been the cause of this vulnerability once when Snow's shooter, Evans, shot him twice right before her eyes. At that time he was not John Reese to her but she still felt guilty about it none the less and she'd be damned if she would be the one to brought him pain once more thus the reason why she kept the picture so long. 'Too late for that now, isn't it?" she thought to herself. She finally turned around to look at him, he was abscent-mindedly running his thumb on Jessica's face, his thoughts far from the present time. "You're not alone, John" she simply said, before quickly adding "I was trying to be your bullet proof vest I guess, that's the reason why I kept it." He chuckled softly at that.

"I know. Listen we still have time to go where I wanted to take you. If you're still in?" he asked.

"So...you're not mad at me?"

"Why would I be? I get it. Serve and protect, right?" he joked.

"That's what I do for New York city, John, because it's my job. This, she waved her hand back and forth between them, this is an oath of friendship." she said slightly annoyed he did not realize she cared about him. John knew but acknowledging it would make it even more real, which would make him face the fact that he cared about her too. More than he probably should actually.

"So we're friends, huh?"

"Well...I guess. I mean it makes sense, doesn't it? After all we've been through."

"I suppose. I mean I got arrested, you interrogated me, I went around kneecaping people, you tried to get me arrested once more, you started helping us while I was still kneecaping people, I got arrested again, you interrogated me once more and then we both got arrested. We almost came full circle." he was smiling, Joss could not believe it, he was much more handsome when he was smiling. Oh, God, what was she thinking?

"You know what I think?" she asked playfully.

"Tell me, Detective."

"I think one of us spends too much time getting arrested, she smiled, besides according to you I'm the one with the handcuffs fetish. I'm begining to wonder."

"You never asked me about my fetishes, Carter. Although if you must know I'd rather be the one tying people up." Finally they were back to their old dynamic of banter and flirting. Soon enough he would get a glimpse of that wrinkle above her brow, the one that would appear anytime he'd provock some sort of genuine reaction out of her. "So is it a yes or a no?" he abruptly asked.

"John are you asking me if you can tie me up? Because "hell no!" would be my answer." Carter looked at him with eyes full of confusion, she was frowning and her wrinkle was casually settling in. He took pride in knowing he was one of the few people to cause that adorable frown of hers. He laughed at her response, he knew being vague about the question would draw some sort of snappy comment from her.

"No, Detective, I got it you like to handcuff people not to be tied up. I was asking you if you were still okay with going where I wanted to take you?" The bastard had a broad smile playing on his perfect visage, his blue eyes got a bit darker as he looked at her waiting for an answer.

"Can I take a raincheck on that? I've got beers in the fridge maybe we could watch a movie or something?"

"I could really go for a beer actually." On that note Joss got up heading toward the kitchen to get the beers. " Do you like popcorn?!" she shouted from the kitchen fridge.

"Yeah!"

A moment later Joss came back with two fresh beers, a huge steaming bowl of popcorn, a bottle of chocolate syrup and some cranberries.

"Let me give you a hand with that, Detective" he said as he took some items out of her hands.

"Thanks" she smiled at him.

"Are you planning on feeding a small village with all that?" he chuckled at the sight of all the food displayed on the coffee table.

"It's not a real movie night without snacks, John. Besides I have this weird craving for popcorn with cranberries covered in chocolate syrup. Might aswell kill two birds with one stone."

"Craving, huh? My mom used to say "the thing about cravings is either you got them because you're pregnant or because you're about to die," I personnally always had great cravings on the verge of dying but never while pregnant" he joked while sitting back in the sofa.

"You're a smartass, aren't you?" she smiled at his stupid joke. A warm feeling invaded her as she realized he was opening up to her a little. First he had talked about Jessica. Granted fate dug out the subject but he wasn't hesitant as he mentioned her, and their trip to Mexico. Joss had not felt the need to ask more, she knew it would all come in due time. Now he was mentioning his mother, and quoting her none the less. She felt curious and wanted to know more about her, the woman who brought such a good man upon this Earth, the one without whom she would have never met afor mentioned certified smirking smartass in a suit. As Carter was wondering about his mother, an alarm triggered in her brain and the warm feeling she once felt was swiftly replaced by a huge streek of panic. _"The thing about cravings is either you got them because you're pregnant or because you're about to die" _the quote kept replaying in her head again, _"The thing about cravings is either you got them because you're pregnant..." _and again until all she could hear was _"because you're pregnant"_.

* * *

_**Autor's note: **_

_- The story is named after the Luther Vandross's song Never Too Much._

_- Carter's tattoo: For those of you who don't know, Taraji P. Henson (who portrays Detective Joss Carter) has this amazing tattoo on her lower back representing angel wings, to which later on she added vines going from her lower back all the way around to her stomach. A quick search on the Internet and you'll be able to find some pictures. _

_- John/Jessica: I don't think it is necessary to focus on this more than that. By now Carter pretty much gets the whole picture. He was in love and let her go for her own good and stuff. _

_- popcorn with cranberries covered in chocolate syrup: I know to many this sounds like a crazy mixture of food that should never, ever come in contact yet it is heavenly. God sent I'm telling you. This is one of my personal favorite thing to snack on while watching a movie. I'll give it to you though, it is super messy to eat considering the chocolate tends to drip everywhere but it's so good!_

_- "the thing about cravings is either you got them because you're pregnant or because you're about to die": My grandmother and my mother always say that whenever I crave something. Technically according to them I'm either pregnant every few days or dying the rest of the time. Truth be told I'm just in love with food. I thought it would be perfect to use this quote to trigger Joss's pregnancy fear and to get John to mention something from his past without saying too much, (thus the reason why it's a big deal to Carter to hear him quoting his mother. Makes him less Batman-ish). _

_- Beecher/Carter: I know many of us Irrelevants didn't like him. At first I really didn't but after Proteus, he started to grow on me (mainly because he saved Carter's life, but also that car scene? It was epic! I mean she pulled her gun to his thigh.) Carter is a badass. Anyway, the conversation Beecher and Carter shared at the end of the episode got me thinking when Beecher said "I don't know what that was last night but I want to know what is today" I thought maybe he could be referring to what happened in the car, or what happened behind the scenes after he saved her life. I intend to explore this side a bit more in later chapters._

_- John/Carter: I mean these two right here as a couple is like everyone's dream, right? I would sell my unborn child to see some Careese action before the end of the season. Or in season three. Or sometimes before I die would be great. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter II:**

"Oh my God!" she gasped putting one hand on her racing heart and the other on her mouth. Everything went by so fast, for once John was oblivious to what was going on with Carter he was busy mixing popcorn with cranberries, however the sound of the beer bottles hitting the the hardwood floor and shattering made him jump on his feet. He gave a quick glance at the mess on the floor and then to Carter who was standing up with a veil of panic masking her beautiful and soft features and genuine fear in her eyes. John looked around, trying to find the reason why she was so upset. He hadn't heard anything suspect.

"Oh my God..." she repeated sitting down on the edge of her couch, taking her head in her hands.

She felt sick to her stomach. That could not be happening to her. Not now, not with everything that had happened. It just could not be. The more she tried convincing herself it could not be happening the more it dawn on her that it probably was happening. John carefully came close to her unaware of what to do. He was still looking out for a potential threat and still nothing was found. Suddenly he heard a faint whimper that quickly turned into a sob and before he knew it Carter was boiling her eyes out. His first instinct was to punch a wall for he swore to himself to protect her from any harm and he hadn't payed attention to her and here she was crying her eyes out before him. He didn't act on it though, somewhere far away in his brain a little voice told him to hold her tight until she found peace. He acted on that one. Wrapping his arms around her shoulders he held her tight against his chest, John was genuinely surprised she had not rejected him. Then again she was too busy crying to care.

Joss felt so right in his arms he thought, before chastising himself for thinking that way while the strong woman he cared for was so vulnerable crying against his chest. He desperately needed to know what was going on with her, he knew he would have to wait for her to calm down before hand though. John held on to her tight for a good half hour before realising she had cried herself to sleep in his arms. He shifted a little and reluctantly let go of her, laying her down on the sofa before putting the blue wooly blancket that rested on the back of the couch on her perfectly curved body.

In that moment to John, Joss was even more beautiful than ever, she had fallen asleep crying and she was now frowning in her sleep most certainly still bothered by what caused her to cry in the first place, John thought. But still, the woman was breath takenly beautiful. John was tempted to marvel at her while she slept but decided against it. Instead he went in the kitchen grabing a handful of paper towel to pick up the mess in the living room. After cleaning everything and setting aside the mixture or popcorn and cranberries, John sat down on one of the armchairs picking up a magazine that was lying around waiting for her to wake up. He did not want her to wake up alone in her appartement while she was this upset. John decided he would go when she'd kick his ass to the curb not a second before.

* * *

It was nearing 10:30pm when Joss woke up. She took in her surroundings vaguely remembering where she was. She forced herself in a sitting position before acknowledging the throbbing headache she now had. She was running a hand through her hair in a fail attempt to try and massage her scalp to sooth the pain when everything came rushing back to her memory like a 6 feet wave in a carribean storm.

She was undoubtedly awake now and took notice of her clean coffe table, clean floor and the blancket on her. Turning her head she saw Reese in her armchair, she was taken aback at first, before taking a long look at him, marveling at how gorgeous he was when he was resting. Joss looked back down as she remembered the rest of the events preceeding her waking up. She suddenly felt a mixture of shame and contentment as she remembered herself boiling her eyes out pressed to his chest and him holding her tight. He hadn't ask questions which she was more than grateful for, he just sat there holding her, sometime slightly rocking her hence the reason why she ended up falling asleep.

She knew it would be just a matter of time before he sensed she was awake and start seeking answers to his questions and she knew she would have to give him some. She needed to talk anyway, but she was also hesitant to talk to him about this. So Joss stood up as quietly as possible, not to wake him up, in hope of delaying her imminant and inevitable interrogation, and stalked toward the window. She needed to let some fresh air in, her appartement smelled strongly of beer and chocolate. As she went back to her couch she saw John was awake, his blue eyes looking at her, trying to read her face.

"Hey." Joss couldn't say much. She appreciated the concern and the conforting but felt herself squirm under such scrutiny.

"Hey, yourself."

"Thanks for cleaning my mess up and staying by my side..." her voice trailed of. Joss was at a loss for word, still stunned by him holding her with no hesitation.

"No need to thank me." He kept looking at her checking for hints as to what caused this whole scene. He could not find anything, of course, but he could not keep his eyes off of her either.

"I'm fine John. I know I must have scared you or something acting all kind of crazy. But I'm fine" Joss was making extra efforts to avoid his gaze. She damn well knew the second her eyes would meet his he would know the truth. She was not fine. Far from it. A piece of her had crumbled a little earlier when she realized half of the issues she would have if she was really pregnant. The other half just hit her right then and there. She felt tears threatening to come back but swallowed them as best she could. Crying in front of John now would defeat the purpose of what she was attempting to do: convince him she was fine.

John Reese was a lot of things but stupid was not part of the long list. He let her believe she had convinced him, he needed her to be relaxed before asking his questions. He rose out of the chair, kissed the top of her head before going into the kitchen. He didn't know what had gotten into him, planting a kiss on her head like that. Still, it felt like the right thing to do. Joss was stunned at his bold move yet she was happy he did so. She suddenly felt crazy when she realized her headache was gone. Probably just a mere coincidence. When John came back he found a more relaxed Carter sitting on the couch, a couple more minutes and he would be able to get some answers. He sat the bowl of popcorn from earlier on her coffee table in front of her. She smiled at the sight of this Himalaya of popcorn and cranberries covered in chocolate syrup and greedily took a hanful of the sticky goodness not caring about the mess she would certainly make with her fingers and palm covered in chocolate. Confort food, just what she needed.

"Take it easy, Carter. You don't have to eat the bowl in one sitting you know?" he smirked while watching her devour the popcorn like an hungry lioness feasting on a prey.

It was quite a sight to behold, her light chocolatey brown skin covered in a deeper shade of dark chocolate, her slight smile of contenment as she dug deeper in the sticky mountain in the bowl all of that was truely unlady like yet she still remained graceful and innocent in the act. She was like a child in a candy store. However the moan of appreciation coming out of the back of her throat were far from innocent and John caught on that too. It had awaken something in him. Carter really had to stop eating that thing. John stood up, went to the kitchen and came back with a tall glass of water and a damp towel. Joss was still on the couch the bowl was now on her lap and she was really enjoying herself. John sat down on the table in front of her, setting the glass on his right and taking the bowl to place it on his left before handing her the towel. She cocked an eyebrow at him not happy to see the bowl fly away from her grasped. Jocelyn was not a fool though, she knew when to argue and when to keep her lips shut so she took the towel and quickly wiped herself clean.

"I wasn't going to eat all of it. But it's so good. Try it!" she knew what was coming at her, she needed to distract him

.

"Maybe later."

"Do you want me to feed it to you?" she asked coyly. Her strategy was to try and make him uncomfortable so he would not talk to her for a moment and she could resume eating her feelings away. Unfortunately John Reese was not easy to embarass.

"Maybe later" he smiled at her. "Okay, Joss you lost this round", she thought. There was no delaying it now.

"I'm ready for the interrogation, John..." she smiled shyly at him.

"I'm not going to interrogate you. I just want you to tell me what happened. Did I do something?" he was genuinely concerned, she could read his face he was actually blaming himself for whatever reason. She felt like holding him tight and never let him go away. Obviously she was taking too much time to answer his question because he blamed himself even more as to him her silence spoke volume.

"Of course I did. I'm gonna leave you alone now." He stood up and started walking toward her door. It took her several seconds before processing what was happening. _"Open your mouth Jocelyn! Dammit!_" she chastised herself.

"NO!" that one had traveled a long way from deep down her heart before rolling off her tongue and vanish as a desperate scream. He could not leave her alone. She rose from her couch and turned around locking eyes with his.

"I mean, no. You didn't do anything but care for me. It's something else. D-don't go...please?" Her voice was pleading and so were her eyes.

After a few seconds of holding his gaze she nervously looked around suddenly feeling self-concious about how damsel in distress she was acting. But she had no one else to talk to and she really needed to talk. In a few long strides John was back in front of her. He took Carter in his arms for a few seconds, planting a kiss on her forehead as he broke the embrace. She felt her whole body shiver and her cheeks flush. She was flustered by a friendly kiss. John motioned for her to sit and regained his sit on her coffee table facing her. He still looked at her with great concern, wondering if reality had stroke and finally taken a toll on her. Whatever it was he would be here for her. If he could he would shield her of the world, keep her in a safe bubble with her son, Taylor, so they would never know pain again. But he could not and even if he could she would vehemently put up a fight. Joss sat back down on the couch, wrapping her arms around her knees. To John she looked fragile, nothing like the woman he is used to see, it triggered his need to protect her even more. He snapped back to reality when he heard her take a long, deep breath before speaking up.

"I-ugh...you know when you quoted your mom about cravings?" he slowly nodded at her not catching her drift.

"And then you made that stupid joke?" he looked at her confused and lost, he really didn't know what she was getting at and felt like she was trying to avoid the elephant in the room.

"John...I'm not dying..."

"Well...obviously" Okay, what was Joss talking about she didn't make any sen- "The thing about cravings is either you got them because you're pregnant or because you're about to die" he mused "Joss, are you saying you're...pregnant?" the confusion was obviously still playing on his face, she could see he was shocked too. She was started to get sick to her stomach again. She could not be a mother again.

"I might be...I don't know. It is a possibility." Joss tightened her embrace around her knees as she felt the familiar sting of her salty tears rolling on her cheeks.

"But...how?" John asked dumbfounded. She couldn't help but laugh at the question.

"Come on John, do we need to talk about the birds and the bees?" she was frantically smiling through the downpour of tears.

"Apparently, since you seem to have missed the condom part of it." The bastard was smirking again. She deserved that one though, she practically asked for it.

"It seems so, doesn't it? I can't do it all over again. I-I just...can't." Joss' voice fell flat, it was a simple statement yet it carried a lot more meaning that she would let people know.

Anyone would not have to ask why she could not do it, if you considered the situation she was in her late thirties - more like early forties - she was a cop and she already had a son whom was pratically on his way to college. Her mother was getting old and wouldn't be able to look after a baby once she'd get back to work and Joss had no other relatives in New York. But John wasn't anyone, he knew there was something more behind this statement. Something she wasn't saying and by the look on her face she really wanted to let it out, to get this off her chest. John reached for Carter's hand, lightly brushing the pad of his thumb on her fingers. In an instant Joss felt at ease, tears remained unshed and her body relaxed. His touched was soothing and conforting. He was just holding her hand but she still could feel safe, protected.

"You can't do what? The late night feedings and diaper changing?"

"That too. I meant, I can't be a single mom watching a child grow to look like his deceased father. I've done it once..."

John didn't know what to do with these informations. First of all out of all the things Finch had found on her none of them stated that Taylor's father was dead. Come to think of it until that one time on a stake out when they talked about relationships he hadn't known she had been married. The first part of Carter's statement settled unto his brain. She could be pregnant and if she was Cal Beecher was the father. Jealously had a strong grip on his heart at the mere thought of Cal Beecher and Carter in bed. He rapidly burried the thought and focused back on Carter.

"I didn't know it was that serious between you and Beecher. I'm deeply sorry Carter." Yes, John was jealous but he could not bear seeing Carter in pain. Especially when he couldn't do anything to heal her wounds.

"It wasn't. It was in the begining, I even wanted him to meet Taylor, then the whole FBI thing happened and I thought he was a dirty cop. I had a hard time trusting him. Then there was the whole Owen Island debacle where he saved Finch's and I's lives. We talked afterwards and being stuck on the island because of that damn storm a thing lead to another and you can figure out the rest. I'm sorry you probably don't want to ear all of this." Joss had a point, John really didn't want to ear any of it. He was glad she kept the details to herself.

"Owen Island that was what, three weeks ago? I thought Beecher and you were done at that point."

"We kind of were. I was done on my part, I couldn't trust him. I had Fusco tail him and he found out Cal wasn't dirty. After Owen Island we hadn't talk for two weeks until I called him and asked him to meet up for a drink. I had made up my mind, I wanted to tell him we should give it another shot but take it slow this time. I never got the chance..." tears started welling up again as her thoughts wondered back to the night of his death.

When Fusco and her found him sitted against the railing of the staircase, lifeless, she had felt sadness and anger. She was angry she hadn't given him a chance earlier but she was mostly angry at herself for not making it in time. The kind of sadness she felt was odd to her, she was sad to see a fellow colleague killed on duty. That's all he meant to her. They dated and even slept together yet all she saw in him was a fellow colleague. Joss was furious at herself for not feeling more toward him, for not being more saddened by his death. She remembered the sorrow and despair that had invaded her whole being when she thought John was about to sacrifice himself when he had the bomb vest strapped to his chest. She remember thinking she would give anything to have a couple more minutes with him, every word he told her that night she remembered. Nothing happened between John and her, there was nothing more than whatever kind of friendship there is between them so why was she more devastated at the possibility of losing him but couldn't feel more than a sprinkle of sadness towards Cal's death? She hated herself.

"I didn't even cry." she whispered.

"About what?" John was lost again, what was she talking about now?

"His death. I didn't even cry. I stood there angry at the world, at myself mostly. Fusco got me out of the hallway and I didn't fight. I simply walked out. I was sad to see a colleague dead on the job. I'm an horrible person."

"Believe me you're not. I've met quantity of horrible people in my life you're not one of them." He swiftly move from the table to the couch, pulling her close to him as he wrapped his arms around her. Joss's tense body relaxed to his touch, his hands felt warm on her bare shoulders. After a few minutes Joss broke the peaceful silence that had filled the room.

"Can I have my bowl back?" She asked tilting her head slighty and shitfing a little to see his face. John was happy to see she was smiling at him.

"Sure" he leaned forward to grab the bowl and give it to her.

"Want some?" she asked pointing to the mixture. "You did say you'll taste it later" she reminded him.

"I know, but you also said you'll feed it to me." They were back to their old dynamic again. Somethings were left unsaid, both of them knew everything will unfold in due time. John watched as Carter dug in the bowl, making sure there was a fair amount of popcorn and cranberries in a fingerful.

"There you go." He looked at her with wide eyes, she was really going to feed him. "John it would work better if you'd open your mouth, you know?" she chuckled.

John opened his mouth allowing her to feed him. Joss suddenly felt nervous at the idea of feeding her vigilante. Sure they were used to flirt, they always did, but it never went that far. This was a bold move on her part. Slowly she brought her fingers to his mouth, carefully making sure none of the chocolate was dripping onto either of them or her couch. She gasped when John's tongue darted swiftly taking away all evidence of food she previously had in hand. It was brief but the aftermath lasted for several seconds as a rush of endorphins washed over her body. Her heart was ready to burst out of her chest, she could feel a tingle in her stomach and quickly turned her face aways from his so he could not see her blushing. This was the single most sensual thing she had ever experienced. She could still feel the burn like sensation on the tips of her fingers and her raging pulse in her wrist. She was so absorbed in her own thoughts she hadn't heard John get up and come back.

"Here, you might want to clean up the rest of that chocolate" she startled at the sound of his voice breaking her thoughts. She hoped he hadn't realized the way he was affecting her.

"Sorry, got lost in my thoughts. Thanks for the paper towel." a slight smile briefly crossed her lips. "John?" her voice was hesitant.

"Yes?"

"Where did you wanted to take me?"

"Queensborough bridge. I figured we could walk and talk."

"Talk? About what?" John seemed to hesitate for a second before answering her question.

"You. I wanted to know how you were coping with the past weeks events. I was worried about you, Carter".

"I was doing fine. I'll be fine..."

"You need to take a test. Or go to the doctor, Carter."

"Yeah." She thought for a quick second, what was the point in delaying the inevitable? "How about we get this over with? Can you come with me to CVS? Unless you have some place else to be." Joss realized John had spent two hours conforting her and taking care of her when he might have other things to do. Guilt quickly arose in her.

"Nope. Nowhere else to be. I'm all yours for however long you need me to be."

"Thank you." her eyes were soft and full of sincerity. She had been in need of a friend for a long time now. Someone she could trust. It felt right to share this moment with him, to have his support.

* * *

The night was dark and gloomy and the air was thick, the forecast had announced a possibility of rain along with thunder. They headed east, in the direction of the CVS situated two blocks away from Carter's brownstone. They started walking in silence and she felt the need to do small talk after all the seriousness from tonight's conversations she needed her brain to relax. Knowing John he wouldn't talk unless she required him to so she decided to take the first step.

"I know it's not the Queenborough bridge but we can still talk"

"What do you want to talk about, Carter?"

"Nothing in particular. Just small talk. Surely someone with the skills to kneecap people can do small talk?" she joked.

"What movie did you want to watch ealier?"

"I don't know. I had planned to let you choose actually."

"Trying to get to know me, Carter?" he asked with a smile.

"Something like that. What's your thing? Action movies?"

"No. I'm a living action movie. I like comedies and dramas. The romantic kind." Joss couldn't believe what she had just heard. John Reese liked to watch romantic comedies? Now, that was unexpected.

"So you're a romantic?" the surprise was clear in her voice, she didn't even attempt to conceal it. Who knew John Reese, the mysterious vigilante able to resist all kind of torture and kill coldly if needed, was a romantic?

"Let that be our secret." Joss liked the idea of sharing a secret with him as small as it may be. He started to let her in and she enjoyed it very much. They had been walking for ten minutes when they finally reached the 24-hour pharmacy. Roaming the aisle she took some gauze, bandages, tampons (just in case) and a pregnancy test. John was waiting for her at the checkout. She paid for her items and they were on their way out. The walk back to her appartement was made in total silence. She was too nervous to talk and he was too immersed in his thoughts to let out a single word. Once in Carter's appartement John sat on the couch waiting for her to come back. He could see how nervous she was but this part she had to do it all alone.

In the bathroom Joss, set up the timer for it to ring in exactly three minutes. She then went to her bedroom and took this opportunity to change into something more comfortable. She took off her tee shirt and her bra and let out a sigh of contentment before slipping in a white tank top, she then discarded her pants to slip in a black pair of yoga pants. Rummaging through her nightstand drawer for an elastic to tie her hair she called out for John. A few seconds later she heard a short knock on her bedroom door.

"Come in, John." He slowly opened her door. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous at the idea of being in her room. With her. At night. But he was. He closed the door behind him and watched her as she was frantically looking for something in her nightstand drawer. Once more he caught her muttering profanities out of frustration. This side of Carter made him smile.

"Finally, dammit!" she grabed the black elastic and gathered her hair in a low messy ponytail, the movement causing her tank top to roll up slightly exposing the chocolatey brown skin of her tone stomach and what looked like a vine tattoo. John took notice of it but said nothing of it. He was to preoccupied as to why he was in her room.

"You needed something in particular?" she walked on her knees across her mattress before settling down facing him. She was trying to read him, she could catch an hint of discomfort in his voice.

"Are you afraid something will happen to you in my room? I don't bite, unless that's your thing." she couldn't help but laugh. "And no, I didn't need anything. I just wanted you to be here with me."

John moved from his spot to sit at the end of her bed. She looked at him, she thought he was a work of art. Handsome with lethal blue eyes. And his smile, damn, he should smile more often. John stood up, pacing around the room. He couldn't sit still he was too nervous. The silence was awkward and was a ball of nerve too. Finally after walking back and forth, he stopped to lean against the bathroom door. He could hear the timer ticking inside. He wondered how long they would have to wait to find out. There was a million things he wanted to tell her just in case she was really pregnant. He wanted to tell her he'd be there, he'd help her, he'd take care of her, Taylor and the baby. He wanted to tell her everything would be fine. Instead he remained quiet. Waiting. Until the timer went off.

* * *

**Autor's Note:**

_- Carter/Taylor's father: I will pursue on that in later chapters, I don't know exactly what his cause of death should be. I welcome any suggestions._

_- "I like comedies and dramas. The romantic kind.": Considering John is a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in a Die Hard movie, lost in a Batman issue, I figured he'd much prefer watch something he wasn't living everyday of his life aka romance. You're welcome, really._

_- "the 24-hour pharmacy": I had to make some research for that one because I want my story to be believable, turns out CVS owns around 25 of them accross New York and the New Jersey (the more you know). Personally I didn't know such things existed. I'm not from the US so this is a foreign concept to me. In France you'd need to wait the next day or find a small grocery store opened at night and even then, depending on how big your city is, you'd have a 50/50 percent chance to find pregnancy tests._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter III:**

Joss picks up the pregnancy test from the side of the sink, holding her breath and closing her eyes for a moment. Is she ready to know? Does she want to know? Without taking a look at the result she turns around and walks back to her room. John is now sitting on her bed looking at her with anticipation. She turns the test for him to see the result.

"Tell me what it says, please." John was taken aback by her request but goes along with it anyway.

"Well, I don't know there's just a single pink line. Is that good or bad?" he inquire with great concern.

"I don't know..." she turns the test taking a long hard look at it. A single pink line. Not even the trace of a faint one to go along with it. No. Just a single pink one. She is not pregnant. A mixture of relief and disapointment pass through her at the news.

"It means..." she paused as the whirlwind of mixed up emotions settle inside her. "It means I'm not pregnant. But I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing." She's still staring at the pink line not sure if she is more relieved or disapointed. She meant what she said earlier, she couldn't do it again, raise an other child from a dead father. But in the last five minutes that had past she realised she wasn't against the idea of having an other child altogether. She just didn't want to raise another child as a single mom.

"Maybe it's better this way. I wasn't in love with Cal, so what would I have told that poor child when he or she'd ask questions? With Taylor it was easy, I was in love with his father so any time he'd ask me "how was daddy?" I had an answer. What would I have to say to this child about Cal? That he was a good cop? No, it's definitly better this way."

Walking back to her bathroom Carter throws out the test before returning to her bed. It's nearly 1am now, it had been a crazy night and she is starting to feel the fatigue taking it's toll on her. She really wants to sleep but at the time she doesn't want John to go. It is the friday night - well, more like super early saturday - and Taylor is at a friend's for the entire weekend.

Tonight made her realize she hadn't deal entirely with her feeling after the loss of Cal. Also she lnever dealt with her feelings for her vigilante. She likes John's company, she likes the flirting and she likes to talk with him, but she felt herself yearning for more.

* * *

"John...you're sleeping here, right?" she can clearly see the surprise on his face and John can't seem to resist her pleading eyes.

"If you want. I'll take the couch." He stands up ready to go in the living room but Carter catch his arm making him stop abruptly.

"No...I meant _here_." she glances at her bed quickly to make him understand what she meant exactly. John's eyes widden for a split second before he composes himself.

"You sure?" he doesn't know how to process that. He doesn't know how to process any of this. He was trained to keep his emotions to himself, he was trained to endure and resist torture but no organisation could train him into surviving a night in Joss Carter's bed, without touching her. No, definitely, there are some sort of tortures even John Reese can't resist.

"Of course! I wouldn't have asked you otherwise." she takes a quick look at him before adding "I don't have anything for you to sleep in but you can sleep in whatever you have underneath all that" she waves her hand up and down to signify she's talking about his clothes, "or you can stay like that. It's up to you."

Joss pushed back her cover before lying down in her bed, John looked at her as she starts wiggling around under the covers and see her discarding her yoga pants at the end of her bed. She could feel his eyes burning a hole in her soul and turned around to see what the matter was. His eyes were going back and forth from Carter to her discarded pants.

"What? I don't like sleeping with pants on. I didn't take 'em off for you, if that's what you're thinking. So... you're coming or not?" she inquires cocking a perfectly arched brow at him.

"So the idea is to sleep in what you'd normally sleep?" she nodded yes, "what if I sleep in the nude, Joss" his voice is lower than usual, sign that the flirting has began.

"Then I guess I'll sleep next to a naked body" she quickly shot back her voice carrying a daring tone to it. John hesitates, should he take on the challenge or let it go?

"So you'd get to sleep next to a naked body but I'd get to sleep next to a fully clothed you? That's unfair, Joss."

"I'm not fully clothed per say. But sleep in whatever you want. I don't care, really. I just need warmth."

"Way to make someone feel special, Carter." he says as he undress. Keeping his under shirt and boxer briefs he makes his way to the other side of her bed, pulls the covers higher than necessary in hope to catch a glimpse of what she was wearing to sleep.

"A tank top and a thong? Are you trying to seduce me, Joss?" he asks playfully.

"Don't know. Does it work?" she turns around and replies back with a smile spreading accross her face. A million answers goes through John's mind from _"I'm already seduced"_ to _"you'd be better naked on top of me"_ but he settles on a simple, much safer answer.

"Could be." John lies down on his back, pulls the cover up his body and closes his eyes for a few second before opening them to see what Carter was doing moving around llike fish out of the water.

She sits causing the covers to roll down to her lap, she is rearanging her hair. Loosening her elastic from her ponytail before completely taking it off she then gathers her hair in the usual bun she sports to sleep. Once more the movement causes her top to roll up as her breast lifted higher, exposing her mid-section, she doesn't pay attention to it but John sure does. He takes a moment to watch her tattoo, she has a pair of angel wings on her lower back with vines coming from them on either side wrapping around her waist to her stomach. Looking up at her swift expert moves that caught he attention while she's tying her hair up, John also notices she has another tattoo on the back of her neck, this one representing a phoenix.

"How many tattoos do you have, Joss" he asks with great interest.

"You noticed that?" she chuckles, "Only two. Why?"

"I never pictured you as someone with tattoos. It's kinda..." he stops himself before finishing his sentence. He can't tell her that, what is he thinking?

"What?" she looks at him intensely. "Whatever it is you were about to say just say it." she demands defencively.

"Sexy. It's kinda sexy." _you're sexy_, he wanted badly to say but kept it to himself. The comment took her surprise. She was expecting to hear all kind of things about the rebel nature of her tattoo considering she is more often than not portrayed as some sort of virginal saint by her colleagues and John himself.

"Thank you." she smiles before her face turns serious again, "Not just for the compliment. Thank you for everything you've done tonight and in the past and for what you'll do in the future. I truely appreciate it. You're a good man John Reese." Coming from her it was bound to be true. He really wanted to believe it. He'd heard her say it to Donelly when they got arrested and he really wanted to believe it then, just as much as he wanted to believe it now.

"Oath of friendship,remember? Come on we should probably sleep, it's late."

Carter turns her back to him and reaches out to turn off her bedside lamp. Soon enough the darkness envelops them, trying to lull them to sleep. But Carter is having none of it, she is tired but can't find enough peace in her mind to relax and sleep and John, well, John took a nap while Joss was sleeping earlier in the night. He is rested. He could easily abandone himself to his thoughts or stare at the ceiling until morning comes. But he wants to talk with her. He wants to hear her voice fill the air. He wants to make her laugh and smile. He wants to flirt with her knowing that's as far his relationship with her can go. That, and spending one night in her bed to provied her with warmth as she bluntly puts it. After a few minute in the dark Joss's voice breaks his thoughts.

"John..." she waits for him to answer hoping he wasn't fast asleep.

"What is it Joss, do you need something?" he was worried now.

"No. Not really..." she still has her back turned to him, which she thinks is great thing considering what she is about to ask him.

"I-I don't need something, I want something." she can feel the blush skyrocketing to her cheeks.

"Well, what is it?"

"I want you to hold me so I can sleep." John did not see that one coming.

Her demand hit him like a punch to the stomach. The surprise and the confusion soon let way to happiness and nervousness. Can he hold her without revealing how he feels about her? At that very second it seems crazy and impossible, sure earlier that night he had held her, twice, but it was different he had held her to confort her now she is asking him to hold her. She wants him to. John needed to rationalize what she is asking of him, she probably needs confort or warmth as she stated before. It was just a friendly thing to do. A low chuckle escapes past his lips as he thinks about he's last statement, there was nothing friendly about holding her until she falls asleep he knows it because he would never do this with Finch no matter how upset or distressed he could be. Never would he hold him to sleep, but Carter? He would hold her everyday if he could, every minute if needed. Not to mention the fact she was practically half naked next to him - which isn't displeasing considering he had a fair amount of time to marvel at her glorious body before getting into bed - and holding Carter meant touching her, be in contact with parts of her bare skin. This alone would be enough to send him over the edge.

Joss looks quickly over her shoulder when she hears him chuckle. She'd done it, she'd manage to make a fool out of herself. Of course he wasn't going to hold her, he didn't like her like that. To him she is a valuable asset, a friend at most. He flirts with her to get what he wants not because he likes her, she should know better than to let her feelings dictate her actions.

"Never mind." she blurts out, frustration, disappointment, embarrassement and a faint trace of hurt tainting her voice. She shifts ever so slightly closer to the edge of her bed in hope to put enough distance between their bodies. She could have ask him to sleep on the couch like he'd suggested but she doesn't want him to go. Yes, she is embarrassed at her own behaviour but part of her needs him to stay close to her, as close as they can be. Oh, and what a huge part of her that is.

Closing her eyes she lets out a deep breath she didn't know she was holding. She can feel tears threatening to fall through her lashes but manages as best she can to swallow them back. She had cried enough in front of him and this time if he caught her she would not be able to give any kind of explanation.

Breaking away from his musings John realizes at the tone of her voice he hurted her unintentionally. If he could kick his own ass right this second he would. Of course she's hurt, him not reacting quick enough to hold her as she asked him to must feel like a rejection. He has to do something to make up for his inaction, he has to do something to let her know she's misinterpreting said inaction. He has to do something or an other opportunity to be this close to her will not present itself in the future. Rolling on his side he reaches out to touch her before stopping himself mid air. _"What is the plan now, John?"_ he asks himself inwardly _"you gonna touch her then what?"_ he doesn't know but he knows he has to do something to make her see how much he cares.

He lowers his hand settling on touching only her shoulder. She doesn't move. The good news is she has not rejected his touch, the bad news being beside the sharp intake of breath and the sudden tense in her shoulders and back she hasn't moved a single muscle. She hasn't turn to look at him, or talk. She's just laying still in an almost fetal position. He feels the need to read her face to try and understand what can possibly run through her mind. In a swift move he lifts himself on one arm, hovering over her still body and reaches out to turn on her bedside lamp.

A yellow glow filled the room, giving a few seconds to his eyes to adjust the new setting, John gave a quick glance toward Joss to see the small wrinkle on her forehead. Resuming his place behind her, he poises his hand back on her should abscently tracing intricate patterns with his thumb. For the briefest second a wry smile cross her lips before she lets out a sigh of irritation.

What new game is he playing now? While she muses she can feel John's fingers going up to her neck, silently and gently tracing the outline of her tattoo. A shiver runs down her spine at the now familiar rush of endorphins washes over her. Instantly her whole body responds to the touch, her mouth goes dry, goose bumps grace her usually soft skin, her pupils dilates and her nipples harden, her stomach clenches when finally she feels a warmth between her legs. Yes, it was happening, she lost control over her own body and now she was turned on. Turned on and mad at him for putting her through all these emotions while to him it's just a game.

"What kind of game are you playing now?" her voice is raspy and the tone accusatory.

Still she didn't turn around to face him. John stops outlining her phoenix for a millisecond before resuming his touch, thinking it would be best to wait for her to finish what she has to say. "Huh? What is it now? Reject Joss and then take pity on her?" her voice is sharp and her tone angry. Still John keeps on outlining her tattoo not caring about her being mad, not wanting to let go. He was drawn to her like a magnet to a fridge.

"Now, that would be despicable, Carter." his voice lower than usual and so close to her ear gives her another rush of endorphins.

"I have a first name you know?" her voice was softer up until she resumed her train of thought and attacked him again "If it's not a game, what is it? What is this? All the banter and flirting?"

"Well, banter and flirting, I believe." the bastard was laughing. Straight up laughing. At her. She can't believe the nerve of the man.

She turns on her back quickly her eyes meeting his for a second before she closes them. He is his own version of Medusa except if she were to look him straight in the eyes she wouldn't turn to stone but into a pool of lust. Upon seeing her frown and her wrinkle settling deeper above her brow John decided honesty would be the best policy.

"It's not a game. And I wasn't taking pity on you..." he hesitates before pursuing "It's not that I don't want to hold you, Joss, it's just that I can't." Her eyes snaps open at the last part.

"You can't?! What do you mean you can't? You did it in the leaving room. Hell, a few minutes ago you were running your finger on my neck. You licked food off of my fingers, you planted a kiss on my forehead, you even held my hand but you can't hold me?! Woah John, that's the lamest excuse ever!" her words were sharp, her voice trembling. She is undoubtedly mad at him and ready for war.

"It's not the same..." he's still hovering over her, well established in her personal space since half his body was resting on his elbow. Her eyes were closed again.

"How is it not the same?" she whispers harshly.

"For starters you weren't half naked in your bed, in the dark..." she cuts him off.

"Am I that repulsive?"

"NO! Of course not...that's my biggest issue actually. It would help a lot if you were." a low chuckle escapes the back of his throat but at the same time deep inside his mind John wondered how could she even begin to think she, Jocelyn Carter, could be repulsive? Her eyes were wide open now.

"What the hell are you saying?" she isn't sure how to take it. The very feminine and unrational part of her brain wants her to feel offended _"he's saying he'd hold you if you were ugly"_ the more rational part of her brain however wants her to stop listening to the other part _"You know damn well what he's saying! Do I really need to draw you a picture?"_

John's eyes narrowed. He's staring at her, trying to read her. Unable to hold his gaze any longer she closes her eyes again.

"I'm saying, it's would be really...er..._hard_ to hold you in these conditions because you are the complete opposite of repulsive." he emphasizes the word "hard" hoping she'll catch his drift and stop asking questions before he further embarass himself.

Joss's eyes snap open again and a smile crosses her lips at the realisation of what he is subtly implying. Damn the man is hot when he's flusterred.

"Hard, huh?" She can't resist teasing him a little. Now that she knows he is attracted to her she intends to flirt the night away. Or maybe more. "Interesting choice of word." He quickly dismisses her banter, changing subject.

"You should probably sleep now, it's getting really late." He rolls on his back before adding "I can't hold you but I can hold your hand if you'd like." She nods yes before turning off her bedside lamp.

They both shift sligtly toward the middle of her bed their shoulders touching, she extends her arm to reach for his hand. His palm is warm and her hand fits perfectly in his like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. As usual whenever his skin comes in contact with hers John feels the need to touch more of her so he let his thumb wander on her wrist tracing small circular patterns. The touch sends an electric shiver through her body, goose bumps to her skin and warmth to her core. Before she can do anything about it a soft, throathy moan escapes her. She places both her hands on her mouth, embarassed, wishing her mattress would open and swallow her whole.

" Did I do that?" John asks coyly. "Sorry, I hadn't realized you were this sensitive, Carter."

"Joss! Dammit, my name's Joss." the irritation in her usually soft voice is crystal clear but John refuses to pay attention it.

"You just made me moan of pleasure maybe you should consider calling me by my first name?" She's annoyed which clearly is a source of pure amusement to him.

He knows why she'd moan but hearing her saying it aloud is music to his ears. He had managed to make her lose control for the briefest moment. If he can do that just by lightly caressing her wrist he wondered how much affect he could have on her if they were to do the real thing. He had imagined a thousand time how it would feel to be inside her, to drink in her scent while she would be screaming his name. Thoughts of her naked body invaded his mind. His heartbeat fasten at the images playing in his head, vision of their bodies interwined in a sensual horizontal dance. His breathing's getting heavier and his pulse rages against his temple at the delightful vision. The thought seems not only to awaken his brain but also the lower part of his anatomy. He needed to think of something else fast or he might get himself in trouble.

"A penny for your thoughts." Joss's voice soften and breaks through his fantasies.

"It was nothing important, really."

"Are you sure? You seemed a bit...agitated."

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"I think we should get it on."

* * *

**Autor's Note:**

_- Carter's neck tattoo: Once again if you're not familiar with Taraji P. Henson you should probably know she has a phoenix tattooed on the nape of her neck. The way her tattoo is placed makes it easy to conceal when she plays Carter. In fact, if you noticed she is always wearing jacket/coats with their collars turned up with her hair either down or in a low ponytail. I suspect they do this so they don't have to cover her tattoo with make-up which means, either they wanted to cut down on Taraji's time in the make up chair or Carter might be tattooed. In season 1 episode 9 (the infamous "Get Carter") towards the end of the episode, in her last flashback (around the 40:10 and the 40:16 marks) you can catch a very quick glimpse of her tattoo (you can see part of the phoenix's wing) before it gets blurry and dark on her neck area._

_- I'd like to thank every guests whom let a review on my story, I can't inbox you like I do with the others but know that each of your kind words warm my little heart and make me wanna keep on writting more of this story!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter IV:**

Mistakes. Everyone makes them. As a matter of fact John Reese was no stranger to mistakes, if he'd have to say so himself he was pretty accustomed to them. Maybe too much. There are two types of mistakes people can make: the one you regret making, because in certain kind of situation you wish you'd have made things differently or would have said something else and there's the one you cherish because you've learned from them and grew from them. John was familiar with the second type. Considering he's line of work and his past he didn't have too much time to dwell on his mistakes and not much of a choice but to move on and learn from them. That's probably why the Universe, God or whomever rewarded him with a second chance. But the mistake he had made that night was by far one of his biggest regrets.

A week ago when Carter so bluntly suggested they "get it on" John was taken by surprise. Who wouldn't be? The woman he probably was in love with, the woman he was clearly attracted to - whom for the record was wearing very little clothes and laying right beside him - wanted to have sex. With him. Of course his first instinct as a member of the male species was to jump her bones, fuck her senseless and have her begging for more. But as a man probably in love (he wasn't sure if he still had a heart made for this), as a man scarred and scared of is new-found intimacy with Joss he wasn't about to throw it all away by acting like a horny pig. She deserved better, she deserved romance, she deserved to be taken care of, to be made love to, she deserved everything from the moon to the stars and back. She deserved a man who could give her all those things, a man with a life ahead of him, with a future. She deserved...not him.

_"I think we should not. Not tonight."_ as if her offer would be hanging in the air forever. There was no raincheck on that one. He blew his chance and now he was paying the price. Being a gentleman was one thing, but being a gentleman who can't express his feelings and properly explain why they should not have sex was another. Some skills he clearly did not master.

It had been a week since that night and they hadn't talk. He desperately wanted to. He'd seen her through Finch's computer screen at the library, he'd watch her work at her desk but he never made a move to see her face to face. He couldn't face her. Not now...not ever, perhaps. He hated himself for letting his guard down that night then again Joss Carter made it so easy for him to let go. She had the power to bring the best of him. Rules he never had he now had, because she asked it of him and he wanted nothing more but to please her and show her she could trust him. John knew he couldn't avoid her forever, they were working together at some point they were bound to cross path again, numbers keep popping up and there's only so much work Fusco can do.

Finch knew something had happen between detective Carter and John, he would never point out the obvious to any of them but he sure hoped there was a spark left for them to move forward together. The sexual tension and the love for one an other was obvious to anyone with eyes and ears. They were working their third number of the week and needed all the help they could get but John had been adamant, other than to run prints and license plates Carter was not to be involved in any cases.

At the eighth precinct detective Carter was beginning to work Fusco's last nerve. She couldn't sit still and needed something more to do. She'd open her desk drawer about fifteen times per minute to check on the phone John had given her, each time she'd see nothing on the screen, no missed calls, no voice mails, no messages and each time she would slam the drawer shut in frustration, anger or despair. Any time Fusco's burner phone would ring, she'd feel the burn of John rejection linger and set deeper in her heart.

As the week went along Joss crumbled a little more; he wasn't returning any of her texts or calls. She missed being apart of the action. She missed _him_. She was not the type of woman to need a man, she could take care of herself but with John it was different, there was an unspoken rule between them. Carter knew even if she hadn't heard from him and seen him in seven long days it didn't mean he hadn't watch over her. She wasn't alone any more, he had told her so.

"Listen, I don't know what happened between you and Wonder Boy but you need to fix it and fix it quick. I can't do all the running around by myself, I have a main job, ya know?" lifting her head Joss saw Fusco standing near her desk obviously waiting for some sort of explanation about why he was the only one helping the boys or some sort of apology from her because she wasn't.

"Nothing happened Fusco, and even if it did why should I be the one to fix it?" Carter was not in the mood for Fusco's complaining. Ignoring her question and more than annoyed facial expression Fusco went on determined to find out what happened.

" Yeah, right. Is that why you keep checking the phone? You needa be more discreet when slamming your drawer, people are starting to gossip and it ain't pretty." He paused, she wasn't looking at him anymore she was staring at the stupid burner phone she had placed in front of her minutes before, as if she was trying to summon it to ring through the power of her mind.

"What happened, Carter?" Detective Fusco was genuinely concerned for his partner and for John. As much as he loves to claim to who wants to hear that John makes his life a living hell he still thought of him as a friend. He was grateful for John who'd got him to become a good cop... only to throw him back in the dirty hands of HR to do undercover work. He was also thankful to have a partner like Carter, a strong-headed woman with a kind heart and better morals than him, someone he knew he could trust. Lionel Fusco wasn't stupid, it was no coincidence John had doubled the kneecaping and the beating of the perps while on the other end Carter was always agitated and snappy. Things needed to get back to normal for Fusco's own sanity.

"Nothing. Just a bit of a misunderstanding." What could Carter say? She was hoping her answer would satisfy her partner and get him of her case. She knew Fusco was a little worried about her, she was glad to see their friendship blossom but they weren't close enough for her to share this kind of information with him. The one person she would have loved to talk to to take her mind of the matter was the one person she was determined not to contact anymore. She wanted John to make the first move, show her she was more than a simple asset to him, more than just a friend. So far judging by the way she had been put aside on their vigilante work she was starting to think, maybe she was right all along. The banter and the flirting were just his way of getting what he wanted out of her. And she'd fallen for it, even worse she'd practically thrown herself at him.

"He's not going to call. Look, I wasn't to say anything but I've never seen you like this Carter..." He trailed off not sure if telling her what Finch asked him to keep to himself would do her good or worse. It was too late to back down now, Carter finally looked up at him, her big brown eyes filled with hope and her raised eyebrow pressuring him to go on.

"Look Wonder Boy doesn't want you around on missions at the moment. But maybe I can help with that. I know you want to help."

Joss didn't know what to feel, it seems like John was making it a habit of rejecting her and Fusco could help her get back to helping the guys. She was confused about which feeling she should welcome first, the excitement or the hurt.

"How can you help?"

"Hold on." He reached in his pocket for his phone, before taking the battery out and setting them both on a corner of Carter's desk. He motioned for her to do the same and she did without asking questions. What Fusco had to say needed to be between Joss and him and no one else.

"I'm supposed to stake out with John at a warehouse on the dock, tonight. Take my place. I'll fill you in on the case and you'll go back in action. Plus I'll get to spend some time with my kid. What do ya say?"

Joss was hesitant. She wanted John to make the first move however it has been a week and he didn't seem pressed to make one. He also said he didn't want her on any cases which meant he didn't want to see her, still, Joss needed to see him. But was it a bright idea to trick him into seeing her by switching places with Fusco? She couldn't risk someone's life or their own by angering him. Then again it was a stake out. It was a job they didn't necessarily need to talk. She could do without talking to him, she just needed to see him, be next to him and what better place than the confined space of a car?

"How about I buy you lunch while you fill me in on the situation?" She said as she got up. She was now determined to see John whatever the outcome might be. On a stake out he wouldn't be running away from her and maybe eventually she would get him to talk. Leaving their dismantled phones in their desk drawers, Carter and Fusco walked out of the precinct to make their way toward a small Italian restaurant.

* * *

Finch knew Detective Fusco was up to something as soon as he removed his cellphone battery and asked Carter to do the same. He also knew Fusco wanted him to figure out what the plan was because he made sure the both of them always remained visible to the hidden camera on his desk.

Finch needed to know what was going on between detective Carter and John. It didn't feel right to push Carter aside and he always felt bad when he'd call her for intel. Her voice was always hopeful at first but as soon as Finch would talk it was dull. He also noticed the way she would look over at Fusco when he was in contact with John or the way she'd check the phone every few minutes or put it on her desk and do nothing but stare at it. Carter was not the only one to not be her usual self, John had changed too, he was more angry than normal. John would often come in the library and pet Bear absently staring at the floor. Today was no exception.

"Mr. Reese, I believe it would be in our best interest to get all the help we need on this case."

"Finch, I told you to let Carter out of it." his voice was lower than usual.

"I wasn't saying I will contact her. I was suggesting you do it. Your personal conflicts with the detective should not come in the way of our work Mr. Reese."

"I have a number to look after." John stood up and walked out of the library.

Harold Finch decided it was the perfect time to run the lip-reading software he created on the recording from Fusco's camera at the precinct. In a matter of minutes he knew what they had talked about and although he didn't approve of Lionel Fusco's method he had to admit this plan of action wouldn't fail. John and Carter would be bound to talk and resolve their issues once and for all.

* * *

The day went by faster than John had expected. He was frustrated by their latest case, he still didn't whether she was the victim or the perpetrator. The only lead left was the warehouse their person of interest, Verona Rossi, was supposed to meet someone, that night. He stopped his car a block away from the eighth precinct, waiting for Fusco to show up. His thoughts drifted to Carter and the night a week ago, he remembered what Harold told him and contemplated texting her but made nothing of it. He would take the time to talk to her when the mission will be over. John wasn't particularly excited at the idea of spending an entire night in a car with Lionel Fusco, he would have prefered to spend it with Joss but he wasn't ready to face her just yet. Lost in his thoughts he hadn't seen Carter making her way to his car. When the door on the passenger side opened he assumed Fusco had finally decide to show up, naturally when he realized who was in the seat next him things got uncomfortable quickly. Joss sat in the car not saying a word waiting for him to react; She looked at him when he turned his head, mouth open probably ready to comment on Fusco's tardiness. When he saw her his face went white and his widder than steel-blue saucers looked her up and down. They stayed silent for a good minute before John eventually spoke.

"What are you doing here?" his voice was colder that what he intended it to be. Finch was a dead man, for real this time, and so was Fusco.

"We're going on a stake out remember?" she knew he would be angry. She wasn't about to let him have it his way this time though.

"No. I'm going on a stake out with Lionel. And you, you get out of the car."

"I'm not going anywhere, John. Fusco and I switched places, he needed to see his kid. I assume he didn't have much time to do so considering he was busy elsewhere." she had no time to swallow back the acerbic tone curling around her words. She didn't want to get mad at him. She wanted to be calm and collected but he drove her that way, he got under her skin.

"In this case, I'll go alone. You can get out now." the only response he got was the sound of Carter's seatbelt clicking.

"Are you waiting for the car to teleport or are you going to drive?" she glared at him, his jaw clenched in exasperation still he chose not to argue with her, turned the key in the ignition and sped off. The drive to the warehouse was made in complete, utter silence. Carter's plan went as far as getting in the car and holding her grounds, making him understand she won't go anywhere. He had put up a fight but she thought he gave in pretty quickly. Something was off.

"I don't get why Finch called you when he knows I could have handle it myself if Fusco needed to be with his son."

"He didn't call me."

"No need to protect him. He knew I didn't want you here."

"Oh, sorry I hadn't realized you were the one making the rules!" her blood was boiling, who does he think he is?

"And Finch didn't call me, Fusco suggested we switch." Once more silence filled the car. Neither one of them wanted to get mad at the other, Carter's feeling were raw and unbalanced. She was more angry at herself than at John and he more angry at himself than her so they took it out on each other. After awhile he broke the silence.

"I don't make the rules. I like to choose who I'm working with." That was it she couldn't take another one of his rejection. She snapped.

"Please! We both know why you chose to work with Fusco this past week. It's not about you choosing who you get to work with or about you making up rules, no. It's about us and what happened, or rather did not happen. I guess I brought it upon myself, but what's done is done, there's no going back. Fine you don't want to sleep with me but you don't have to avoid me like I have the plague!" her voice was strangled and tears were welling in her eyes. Great, now she was about to cry again. She bit her lip to try and swallow back the tears, in vain.

"You're right. I shouldn't have avoided you. I didn't know what I was supposed to say to you."

"You didn't have to say anything. I wasn't waiting on you to say something specific, John! I-I just wanted my friend back." Their conversation was cut short when Finch called with new information on Verona Rossi. John tapped his earpiece.

"Mr. Reese I have something for you."

"I'm listening Finch"

"Ms Rossi had a boyfriend in a gang. She stole drugs from him to make money and come live to New York. Her ex boyfriend, Shawn Hopkins, was severely beat up and left for dead in an alley when he failed to bring the entirety of the drugs to his boss. Mr. Hopkins spent sometimes in jail at a reduced sentence after giving his boss and fellow gang members on a platter to the narcotics. He was released of jail two days ago and arrived in New York this morning." John could hear Finch typing with great energy.

"Wait, Mr. Reese it seems, the mystery man she is meeting with tonight is Mr. Hopkins. Whatever is going to happen to her will happen tonight."

"Nothing will happen to her, Finch." he tapped again on his earpiece to disconnect the call. He looked over at Carter who seemed to be in another world. He wanted to touch her, to pull her in a tight embrace, to feel her body pressed close to his and kiss her until the world stopped spinning and they were the only one left on Earth.

"Joss, maybe we should talk about all of this later. Let's focus on the case. Finch believes she is the victim and the perp will try to kill her tonight." She didn't answer. She looked straight ahead, waiting for something to happen. She needed the adrenaline to pump in her veins, surely if she was busy taking down criminals she wouldn't have time to think about John, and all the things she wish he would say or do to her.

After a long while they finally had eyes and ears on the victim, when the conversation started to heat they swiftly made their way into the warehouse locating the two person. Shawn Hopkins had a gun pulled on Verona Rossi, she was clearly scared and pleading for him to spare her life. He was grinning, happy to see her crumble right before his eyes, he wanted her to be scared like he had been 10 years ago when he was losing his blood in that dirty alleyway. He wanted her to fear him. John made his way in the shadows, trying to get closer to the perp to disarmed him, beat him up a little and give him to Carter. Joss, wasn't as patient, she had enough of hearing the poor girl plead for her life. A shot was fired to the ceiling, Hopkins was having way to much fun scarring his victim. When Joss hear the gun shot she stepped out of safety before shouting:

"NYPD! Put your gun down and step away!" but before anyone could react another shot was fired.

Carter felt a burning object tearing the skin of her leg, a sharp pain invaded her as she crumbled to the floor. Pressing on the wounds of her leg she was gasping for breath, she couldn't keep her eyes open, the pain was beyond unbearable. Everything went by so fast, soon after the first shot fired an other followed and Hopkins fell to the ground lifeless, a gunshot in his head. John ran to Carter's side, seeing her laying on her back gasping for reminded him of the night her CI shot her. If the guy hadn't already been dead John would have beat him up senseless for what he had done to her. John quickly dialed Finch's number, looking over to Verona Rossi but she was gone. He did not care for it though, his mind was on Joss laying down in a puddle of her own blood.

"Mr. Reese..."

"Finch, Joss is shot I need you to meet us at the hospital, have Dr. Tillman in." with that John hung up.

Carter's vision was getting very blurry and she tried to fight it but she was going into shock. She could catch bribes of John's conversation but couldn't make out everything. John took of his suit jacket before putting it on Carter to bring her warmth. He then took off his shirt and tied it around Carter's thigh in hope to slow down her blood loss. She was breathing with great difficulty and he had no time to waste. He picked her up, and ran toward the car. Opening the back of the car he laid her down on the backseat.

It took him ten minutes to reach the hospital, Finch and Tillman were waiting for them outside with a stretcher. John laid Carter in it, holding her hand as they run into the hospital. They were facing the revolving doors of the surgery aisle. It was time for John to part ways with her but he couldn't let go.

"John, I will take great care of her. You need to let her go" Megan Tillman's voice was soft but firm.

John looked desperately at Finch who nodded. John brought Carter's hand to his lips, leaving several kisses on the back of her hand before putting her hand down to her side and letting go. Joss was nearly unconscious, she could barely register what was going on. She was vaguely aware of John's presence, she could feel his hand in hers but was too weak to squeeze it. She could hear a feminine voice asking him to let go of her hand. She wanted to protest, he couldn't go anywhere she needed him. She tried to say something but any attempts fell flat, she was giving up when she felt her arm lift up, and her hand entering in contact with a smooth surface several times. She could feel warm air on the back of her hand. She locked the memory someplace in her brain in hope to make out what had happened later.

John and Finch had sat for hours in the waiting room before Dr Tillman came to them. She sat down next to John.

"You brought her here just in time. She's out of surgery now. The bullet didn't make it far enough to breach her femoral artery. She'll be up and running in no time."

"Where is she?" He had to see her now, he had to see for himself if she was doing fine

.

"She in her room. You can see her if you want a nurse will show you the way. I have other patients to attend to."

"Thank you Ms. Tillman" said Finch with great gratitude.

"It's my job." She turned around and asked a nurse to show them to Carter's room, before leaving their sight.

A blond nurse made her way to them at a fast pace, asking them to follow her. John was right behind as they entered Carter's room. The room was spacious. The nurse informed John a bed was at his disposition if he wanted to sleep here while waiting for his wife to awaken. Finch could see how she would make such a mistake, John was devastated and the way he looked at Carter was undeniably a well proportioned mixture of fear and love. He wanted to correct the nurse but John spoke first.

"Thank you." She nodded and left the room. Finch was not really surprised his partner hadn't made any effort to correct her.

After an hour-long of heavy silence except for the monotonous beeping of the machine indicating her regular heart rate, Finch decided to head home and rest and leave John some privacy with the detective. He had a lot to do in the morning, he'd have to call Taylor and Carter's mother, he'd have to call Fusco too and hack into the eighth precinct to give Carter medical leave with a solid and believable story to go along with it.

John had decided to stay the night and watch over Carter. He pulled a chair close to her bed, sat on it and stretched his legs. He watched her for a long moment. Her usually cocoa smooth skin was ashy, pearl of perspiration were building up on her forehead. He let his eyes roam over her body. He could see the rise and fall of her chest, sign she was now breathing properly. Her arms were along her sides, the palm of her right hand facing the ceiling. Without giving it much thoughts, John took her hand in his, intertwining his fingers with hers. It felt natural, as if it had been done it a billion times before. Suddenly all the fear he had of letting Joss know just how he truly felt about her had vanished, the fear of losing her was far too big and overwhelming to dwell on the little things. For now he needed to rest a little, to care for her when she'd wake up.

* * *

It was well into the night when Carter woke up. It took her some time to remember what had happen and where she was. However it took her a few seconds to see John resting in a chair right beside her and to feel his hand in hers. A smile crossed her lips. She knew now, she was more than just an asset to him, she didn't want to go as far as to say she was more than just a friend to him but somewhere deep inside her she knew. He loves her and she loves him. Did he know it too? She wanted him to know; she wanted the world to know. Gently she brought his hand to her lips, kissing the back of his hand several time as he had done to her. John woke up to the feeling of Joss's soft lips on his skin. Immediately his body reacted to the touch, he was glad he wasn't the one with the heart being monitored or else it would have beeped erratically.

"Hey." She smiled, her voice low and raspy, it was nothing like the voice John was accoustumed to and loved.

"How are you doing? Do you want something? I can get you anything, just ask or point and I'll get it." His words were rushed out of his brain and rolled out easily off of his tongue. She chuckled a little.

"Just water. Please." He turned around not letting her hand go of his and grab the glass of water, he presented it the straw facing her. She flicked her tongue to pull the straw between her lips and started drinking forcefully. John had to stop her at the sight of the glass fast emptying. He took the glass out of her grasp and set it back where it originally was.

"Finch wil take care of calling Taylor and your mother. He will also take care of you medical leaves and the room. You don't have to worry about anything but your recovery."

"Thank you." They stayed in silence not sure exactly what to say. Million of thoughts whirled around in his head. He felt responsible for what happened to her, he had failed to protect her.

Joss knew too well the look plastered on John's face and she hated it. He had the same look when they had been caught by Donnelly a few months back. He was blaming himself. She had to react fast and find the right words to speak before he settled in complacent self-loathing. The more she tried to find the perfect way to ease his pain the more she could see him closing up and putting distance between them. There was no way she'd let him vanish again, the anger and the hurt she'd felt the past week submerged from deep within.

"You better snap out of it!" he startled out of surprise before giving her a confuse look. Her voice soften, "Stop blaming yourself, John. You're not the one who pulled the trigger."

"I should have seen it coming."

"How, John? How exactly? Even I didn't see it coming! Despite your belief you're no Superman." she let out a sigh, she was tired emotionally and physically. She had enough of John repeated attempts to bolt from her whenever they established a deeper connection.

"You gotta stop treating me like one of your cases. I'm a homicide detective, things like this are bound to happen. It happened before I met you, it will surely happen again."

"Not if I can prevent it." He let her hand go, the feeling of cold emptiness made her body shiver, she watched him stand up to leave.

"John? Where are you going?" But he didn't answer he kept walking toward the door.

"I swear to God, John if you go through that door..." the sound of the door closing forced her to swallow her last words. He was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter V:**

John practically ran out of the hospital into the chill night, goose bumps marking his bare skin. He'd forgotten his suit jacket in Carter's room. Walking in the night John wondered how he would possibly explain his behaviour to her without having to dodge bullets. He knew she was mad at him, disappointed even. What he didn't know was how deeply hurt she was. After a long aimless walk through town, John found himself near a bar. It wasn't something fancy, it looked disgusting on the outside which made it the perfect place to sit and drink until his feelings were numb enough to his liking.

Bikers, punks, prostitutes among others constituted the clients of the bar. Every set of eyes were on him as he sat down on a stool. He didn't care though, he was here to drink his way out of the mess he'd put himself in. He ordered three single malt whisky in a row, chugging them like water not minding the bitter taste or the burn spreading from his throat to his stomach; It was actually comforting. He was well aware of his surrounding, like every time he'd set foot in an unknown place he'd memories the exits and the different things he could use as potential weapons, but although he was well aware of his surrounding he didn't care much for what was going on behind him. He had no care in the world for the wannabe thugs or the bikers playing pool and he definitely had no interest in the prostitute sitting on the stool next to him. She was trying hard to get his attention, flipping her hair, adding extra unnecessary gestures anytime she'd pick up her glass or set it down causing the obnoxious amount of colorful bangles on her wrist to cling with a sharp noise. He had no intention to pay for a quick fuck he knew for a fact he would not enjoy, so he kept on ignoring her hoping she'd go away and let him drown his aberrant stupidity in cheap whisky.

"Hey, handsome. You here alone?" she asked, swirling around the clear liquid in her glass. John was really not in the mood for small talk. He hated small talk, unless it was with Joss that is.

"And I intend for it to stay that way." he gave her a side-glance of annoyance. Ignoring her again he ordered an other single malt.

"Feisty, huh? It's quite sexy." she smiled at him, flashing pearly white teeth and stretched her hand to him in an invitation for him to shake it.

"Diana. What's ya name?"

"John." He ignored her hand hanging in mid-air, she apparently couldn't take a hint. For lack of better things to do he decided to answer, he could do with a drinking buddy.

"Well, John, ya can shake my hand. I'm off the clock." her comment made him chuckle and he shaken her hand. He could tell she wasn't about to let it go and would keep talking to him, he might as well just go with it.

"So John, if you're not here for the hookers, whatcha here for?" she took a long sip of her drink before looking back at him with a raised eyebrow.

"The alcohol." as if to back up his statement he ordered yet another one of their cheap whisky.

"Hmm, I see. You're one of those guys who throw themselves pity parties instead of acting the right way? I see your type a hell of a lot around here. Either they come for us, or for the alcohol. Sometimes both. Ya having fun?"

"No. Drinking is not what it used to be." he pensively swirled the amber liquid in his glass. His mind was drifting back to Joss and how stupid he was. He hadn't noticed Diana writing a note.

"That's why they invented sex , honey. To release the tension and all that." she slipped him a piece of paper, threw some cash on the counter, got up and walked to the door. John watched her move away, glad he could enjoy his pity party in silence and disappointed she was leaving. He was intrigued by the woman.

Before Diana reached the door she turned around mimicking a phone with her fingers and mouthed to him to call her. John finally took a look at the piece of paper she gave him. She'd written her number and a little note: _Call me. I'll always be off the clock for ya. - Diana_

He ordered a last glass of whisky, still looking at the piece of paper. Diana was an attractive woman, with wavy auburn hair and big green eyes, she had full lips and a beautiful smile. She was too pretty to be doing what she does, yet no matter how attractive she was she was no match for Joss.

Carter was a greek goddess, a human master piece. She was far beyond beautiful, John wasn't even sure a word existed to qualify her. Then again, Carter was mad at him and probably would never want to talk to him again. He didn't know what she was about to say before he left her room but he knew it was something she meant. He sat there awhile after finishing his last drink weighting his options. He could go home, not drunk enough and think about Joss, he could stay at the bar and order stronger drinks in hope to finally pass out in an alley on his way home or he could call Diana and take her up on her offer. The latter seemed to appeal to him. He paid for his drinks and went outside. Taking his phone out of his pocket he carefully typed the number written on the note. Diana answered at the first ring.

"You took your time to call, John." he could hear the smile in her playful voice.

"I wasn't sure what I wanted to do."

"Do ya now?"

"Yeah..."

"See the building just in front of you? Wait for me there." and she hung up. He walked toward the building she indicated and waited for her in front of the big wooden door. The door flung open and there she stood motioning for him to follow her. They climbed three flight of stairs before walking into a loft.

"Nightcap?" she asked walking backwards to the small kitchen space. John nodded yes. "I got Gin, Vodka or coffee, if ya wanna sober up."

"Gin is fine." He watched her as she prepared two Gin and Tonic. She came back a few minutes later with the two drinks and sat on her couch inviting John to do the same. He sat beside her living a gap between them.

"Ya know, you're the first man I brought here since I moved in. And the first I feel attracted to since I moved in New York..." she had a faint smile on her lips.

"How long have you been doing...this?"

"Oh,my...something like 5 years. I'm not just a hooker ya know? I have temp jobs here and there but nothing that really help paying the bills. Whatcha work in?"

"Personal security."

"Hmm, so you're a bodyguard?" she was intrigued maybe he worked for someone famous.

" You could say that."

"Are all your answers gonna be short like that? I'm starting to feel like you don't wanna talk with me."

"I just don't like to talk about me." unless it was with Joss. She made it easy for him to feel comfortable and he trusted her with every fiber of his being.

"Gotcha. So, are ya a couch or bed kinda guy?" he wasn't sure what she was referring to but it didn't matter considering Diana made the choice for him. She took the glass out of his hand and set it on her table before straddling him. Once settled on his lap she lowered her face to his ear whispering "I think the couch will do just fine."

She met his gaze, she was fascinated by his blue eyes. Everything about him was mysterious and alluring. She hesitated to kiss him for a second, reminding herself he was not a client but a man she wanted to sleep with. She felt his hands on her hips and they kissed, angrily releaving both their frustrations before taking it to the bedroom.

* * *

It was well passed 4am when Carter woke up. She had cried herself to sleep after John left. He had left his jacket on the chair next to her bed and she had made great efforts to retrieve it and curl into it. Even though he was the reason for her sore heart she still find comfort in him. In this case she'd found comfort in his jacket which smelled of like him. Except now, after hours of sleeping in it, it smelled of him, hospital and a faint trace of jasmine, her own perfume.

She shifted a little in the bed trying to find a better position to fall back asleep, that's when something hard hit her bad leg. She winced at the sharp pain traveling through her leg before reaching into the pocket to retrieve the culprit. It was her burner phone. John must have taken it out of her pants' pocket to avoid any risk of someone finding it. She was glad to at least have this phone. She stared at it for a moment, wondering what John was doing at this hour. She knew he wasn't sleeping, he took a cat nap when he was here. She hoped he wasn't doing anything stupid. She badly wanted to call him but was scared he would not pick up. She decided it would be best to send him a text, let him know she was seeking a truce, she was tired of being angry either at him or at herself, she wanted things to get back to normal.

**We need to talk. No fighting. NO running away, I'm at a disadvantage here.**

**Tomorrow. **

He was quick to reply even if the answer was too short for her liking. She foolishly expected him to pick up the phone and call her. She'd have loved to hear his voice fill the empty air of her somber hospital room. She would have to make do with this answer and she knew better than to text something back. She didn't want him to feel pressured or else he would bolt again for who knows how long this time. No, now was a small victory she had to cherish, he was okay to talk and he would even come back to see her. They would talk face to face. For now she needed to rest, her leg was killing her the previous assault by the phone didn't help the pain. She grabbed the intrathecal pump and pressed the button immediately releasing a small dose of morphine. Snuggling deeper into John's jacket she inhaled his sent before drifting back to sleep. Tomorrow she'll have to get answers from him and she knew it would be difficult.

Around 4am, John left Diana's building she was awake when he did, she wasn't expecting him to stay it was a tacit rule from the beginning. They needed something from each other, something carnal. She needed to feel normal by sleeping with a man she was attracted to for a change, a man who'd respect her and he needed to release his frustration. They didn't just have sex, no he found himself curiously at ease with her and they talked. He didn't mention his past but they talked about hers, he developed some kind of affection toward her. He knew for sure he had found a friend in her. Even though they didn't talk about his past they talked about his present, he told her about Joss once he was done talking she looked at him bemused and simply stated he was the biggest idiot Earth carried so far. It was harsh but effective. He was walking back to his place in the chill night, he needed to walk and ponder on how to get Carter to forgive him. When he was a few blocks away from his place he received her text. He wanted to call her, hear her voice but he wasn't sure she'd pick up so he text her back a short answer, hoping she would accept to see him again. When she didn't text back he assumed she'd went back to sleep.

The rest of the night went by fast. No new numbers needed to be handled. Finch made sure everything was taken care of for the Detective. He called her mother to informed her of Carter's current state she was grateful he did. An hour after his call Taylor and his grandmother were in Carter's room they couldn't wait to see her and were relieved to see she was doing fine, they stayed until lunch time, Taylor had missed school in the morning to spend time with his mom and needed to be back in class in the afternoon. John went by the library to pick up Bear for a walk in the park, he still didn't know what he'd say to Carter but he sure hoped she would forgive him. He swore to himself if she did he would always tell her what's on his mind no matter how rushed it sounds, no matter how stupid it may be. Around lunch Fusco paid a visit to Carter, he would never tell her he'd been scared she wouldn't make it. As surprising as it was to him he needed his partner to function, she kept him grounded he was always scared to disappoint her in any way. Carter was the ultimate seal of approval, if she trusted him then he was worth it, he was a good man and he needed to know that. He brought her a hot dog from the food truck he loved so much as a joke. He knew she hated it she'd always say someday he'll die from food poising if not just poising, she laughed when she saw the bag and Fusco was happy to see her doing so well, they had a private joke now and he had a friend out there.

After his morning walk with Bear, John took a ride to Newark to clear his head. He found himself in Branch Brook Park, watching dads and their kids playing baseball reminiscing about his childhood and hoping someday he'd be able to do the same. He was plucking the lush grass, deep into his thoughts when his phone rang. He checked the caller ID, hoping it wasn't Finch with a new number. He was surprise to see it was Diana.

"Diana."

"John can ya explain to me why in the blue hell there's a chauffeur at my door, asking me to follow him for my day at the spa?"

"It's a thank you gift, Diana. Thought you could use some pampering before going back to reality tonight."

"Do ya send thank you gift to every hooker you sleep with? Or am I a special something?"

"You were of the clock. Beside it's more a gift to a friend than anything."

"A friend, huh? I guess I can accept it then. But that means no more sex. Since we're friends and stuff." she let out a laugh before pursuing, "ya know, no guy ever did something so nice and sweet for me before. When your detective forgives ya, don't fuck up again or I'll personally kick your butt! Ya know, as a friend."

"I'll gladly let you do so. Diana, don't forget to do what you said you'd do. Or I'll be the one kicking your butt."

"Wrong strategy lover boy, I might like it. Anyway, thanks for the gift. Take care, okay?"

"You do the same."

"And John?"

"Yes?"

"When she forgives ya, bring her around for a drink." she hung up before he could say anything.

Joss was anxious, hours went by fast and still no sign of John. She assumed he was working a case, she was annoyed he didn't take time to call or text to tell her he wouldn't make it or he would come by later. Her theory was dismissed in the afternoon when Finch came by to see how she was doing. Upon seeing him entering her room she stretched out her neck hoping to see John following in his steps, Harold saw the disappointment on her face not knowing how to deal with the situation. He didn't want to make promises John couldn't keep so he pretended he didn't notice. He brought her first edition books of famous Agatha Christie novels and stayed with her until the nurse came to change her bandages. It was the same blonde nurse as the night before.

"Were you cold last night?" she asked pointing to the suit jacket.

"N-No..." Carter could feel herself blush she had forgotten she was wearing John's vest and no one said anything all day which meant her mother and her son would ask questions as soon as they'd be alone with her, not to mention the fact Fusco had seen it but said nothing so she was to expect questions from him too. Thankfully Finch would no say a word about it. Suddenly the nurse seemed to realize someone was missing in the room.

"Is your husband coming back soon? He might want to hear what the doctor has to say." Carter was dumbfounded. Her husband? What was she talking about? It took her awhile before getting who she was referring to.

"Tall guy, dark hair, wearing half a suit?"

"Well, yes."

"He's not my husband." _he's my vigilante, my friend at least I hope he still is, _she thought.

"Really? Must have misinterpreted it. My bad." the cold feel of the antiseptic made Carter flinch. She was curious to know the nurse could have misinterpret it.

"How?"

"Well, last night I told him there was an extra bed if he wanted to stay with you, his wife. He thanked me but never told me you weren't married."

"But what made you think we were in the first place?"

"Everything. The way he looked at you, the way he acted when he had to part ways with you, the pacing back and forth in the waiting room while you were under the knife. All that usual stuff we see husbands doing. There, your bandages are perfect."

A warm feeling spread through her. Jocelyn Reese she could easily get used to that. She felt like a giddy school girl wanting to scribble her name with his on every pages of her notebook. She couldn't wait for him to get here, she needed to get him to talk and say what was on his mind, how he felt. She needed to know if he was over Jessica. A couple of hours past and around 4pm the doctor came to tell she'd be released whenever someone could take her home. Her wound was clean, she had no fever, everything was fine. The excitement to see John was building up even more because it meant he'd get to take her home, yet she still haven't heard of him. She didn't want to push him by sending a text or calling too afraid it would rub him the wrong way and kill any chance of him coming. On the other hand she needed something clean to wear. She couldn't ask Finch, the thought of him rummaging through her panty drawer was embarrassing. She arranged for Taylor to bring her clothes and waited for John to make his entrance. Half an hour later Taylor brought her clean clothes and some chocolates. She noticed him looking at the jacket and smiling. She didn't say anything though, she didn't want to talk about John until she'd figure out where they stood exactly. Taylor hung out with her for a little while. She appreciated the company especially since she'd not see a lot of her son during her recovery, she didn't want him around to see her like that. He was scared and worried enough as it was he didn't needed a constant reminder she almost died by seeing her limping around the house.

Finally at around 5:30pm John showed up. She was relieved to see him. He looked at her with a questioning look when he saw her dressed and ready to go. She marveled at him, he wasn't in a suit which was unusual but she liked the sight in front of her. John in jeans and a polo shirt was something.

"They're releasing me. You get to take me home." she smiled nervously.

"Lucky me. Do you want me to take something for you?" He was glad she could go home, they would be able to talk without someone interrupting of eavesdropping. She handed him her bag and coat. She started limping out of the room but John stopped her.

"Wait here." he went out to come back a couple of minutes later with a wheelchair. She wanted to argue but his glare said it all, she'd have to suck it up and sit down obediently. He pushed her to the parking lot, helping her out of the chair into the car. The blonde nurse accompanied them to bring back the wheelchair. Joss felt a huge bundle in her stomach, so much had to be said but she didn't want to utter one word for now, she wanted to enjoy his presence, marvel at him, print onto her brain every detail of him just in case she'd never see him again after their conversation. It could go either way with him. Maybe John had read her mind, the drive to her appartement had been silent. A thick, awkward silence.

* * *

John parked the car, asked for her keys so he could open the door of her brownstone and then her appartement. He put her coat in her bag and slung it on his shoulder. Making its way to the passenger side he opened the door and held out his hand for her to get out. Once she was out he picked her up bridal style letting her no choice. Having her in his arms was the best feeling in the world, he didn't want to put her down, he wished he could carry her around everywhere like a kangaroo. He climbed the stairs at a fast paced, until they reached her place. Inside he laid her down on her couch, threw her bag on the armchair on the side and helped her out of her shoes. He was about to take his jacket off her when she stopped him.

"No. I want to keep it." she said sheepishly.

"You need to take it off or you'll be too hot and risk running a fever." she pouted. He waited for her to take it off but she wasn't decided, if anything she was now clinging to it pulling it tight on her body. He knew then what she'd meant.

"Take it off so I can put it away in your closet?" he tried. Her face lit up and she parted ways with her jacket.

"You're cute when you pout. Be right back." he took her bag and the jacket and disappeared in her bedroom.

She reflected on how to act from there. The good thing was he hadn't bolt yet then again they hadn't talk. He'd call her cute which sort of bothered her, she didn't want the conversation to start with them flirting if they did it was bound to end in a fight again. She saw John come out of her room with her prescriptions then he vanished in the kitchen before appearing again. He kneeled in front of her offering her a tall glass of water and two white pills. She didn't need the painkillers but didn't want to argue either. He was here and taking care of her she didn't know how long it would last she might as well go with it for now. She took her medication, drank a little more water to give her time to gather her thoughts and talk. To her surprise he was the first to say something.

"I slept with someone last night." She choked on the water. What the hell? He wasn't even looking at her he was fumbling with his fingers nervously. She decided to let him continue.

"I-I needed that, you know?" It was a rhetorical question but she felt like screaming no I don't know! but kept it to herself.

"We talked afterwards. About you mainly." her big brown eyes opened wider at the confession. She didn't want to hear any of it.

"John...I don't want to know. I can't take it. Not now. Not ever, actually. Just...no..." She was jealous an other woman got to have what he'd refused her. She was hurt too, she felt betrayed somehow which was ridiculous, he'd say he was attracted to her he never said he was in love with her and they aren't a couple. They just shared a bed, no sex involved.

"But you have to, Joss. I need you to understand."

"Understand what?" she paused feeling the tear welling in her eyes. He was probably the only man who could make her cry that much.

"That you didn't want me but you'd rather fuck a woman you don't know? Because I don't want to hear it."

"Joss! I did want you, I still do. I was scared, okay? The only woman I made love to was Jessica and after that I lost her forever. I was scared it would happen with you too. But yesterday, when I thought I was losing you it dawned on me if I had lost you I would have never known how it feels to be with you."

"So you fucked an other woman?"

"Yes. I don't expect you to understand what's happening in my head but I need you to understand this. I love you, Joss. And I hope you will forgive me for every time I hurt you." her heartbeat fasten as did her breath intake. I love you, Joss. He said it. She had not dream it. She heard it loud and clear. I love you, Joss.

"I suppose I can't be mad at you for sleeping with someone. I did have sex with Cal, we both know that. Still you shouldn't have told me. It hurts. Big time. But I need you to understand this, John, I am not Jessica, you can't keep comparing what you had with her with what we have. Just like I can't compare it to what I had with my husband. What we have is a complicated abnormal mess but I love it the way it is as much as I love you the way you are."

He picked her up and carried her to her bed, gently he laid her down and went around the other side to lay beside her. Just like a week ago. She hadn't protest she had more things to say. He seemed to have a lot on his mind but she needed everything to be said sooner rather than later. They professed their love to each other, now what? She needed to keep going have him know what she wanted from him so he could runaway now if he wanted to. But before that she had a problem to solve. She reached for his arm and pinched it as hard as she could until he winced and jerked his arm away.

"What was that for?" he asked rubbing his arm. "That's gonna leave a mark."

"I hope so. Then you'll know better than runaway from me when we're having a serious conversation. I told you not to get through that door."

"Joss?"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me you'll never let me go, whatever I try to do to push you away, don't let me succeed."

"Don't worry about that you're all mine now. Forever. Whether you like it or not." he was hovering over her now, looking into her eyes he saw love, sincerity and hurt. She was still hurt.

She wrapped her hands behind his neck pulling his face closer to hers until their lips met. They kissed angrily, passionately, it was a mess of feelings being conveyed to one another. They bit, they sucked, they licked, she moaned, he panted. Then the kiss deepened, her lips parting allowing his tongue to dance with hers, it was gentle at first until Joss took control of the kiss. She had a lot of sexual frustration to release, a lot of anger and mostly a lot of love. They parted away to gain their breath leaving both wanting more knowing they couldn't. Any rough move with her leg and she was back in an hospital bed. They made out like teenagers instead.

They were lost in each other, a few times Joss thought she would come right there and then. Each kiss was better than the other, each of them were like sex. She was turned on and so was he. They had to stop, get back on Earth, take a cold shower. They switched places allowing her to snuggle with him without worrying about her bad leg. He planted kissed on her head, caressing her arm with his fingertips. She felt like drifting to sleep like this but their talk wasn't over. She had more to say.

"To be clear, you can't say you love me and vanish in New York or God knows where without calling for days. You can't do that anymore."

"I know."

"Also, you get to make your choice now. We can take our time. If you're not ready you can ask me to wait for you, I will. Or you can consider us as a couple. If you choose the latter there's no turning back." It was a bold move but she needed to know now where they stood. He didn't have to think this one through he knew what he wanted. He tilted her head so their eyes met.

"Jocelyn Carter, will you be my girlfriend?" A smile spread wide across her face.

* * *

**Autor's Note:**

_Okay, how many of you hate Diana? lol _

_I had fun writing this chapter, I decided they finally earned the right to be together. I wrote the conversation between Diana and John but thought it was not necessary for the story, however if you'd like I could post it separately as a one shot. It's not very long though. _

_I'm starting to write the sequel to the story (this one is not over yet) and I feel like Diana might stick around, I have some evil idea involving her, John and Joss. *cue dramatic music* _

_I hope you enjoyed! _


	6. Chapter 6

**Autor's Note:**

_From here, the story is rated M because *spoiler alert* there is smut at the end of the chapter. If you'd like to read the version without the smut, you can PM me and I will send you the rated T version of the chapter. _

* * *

**Chapter VI:**

In the following weeks Carter was floating sky-high on a cloud of pure bliss. She was at her happiest. John catered to her every need. Every wish of hers were is command. In the morning he made her breakfast before leaving to work on a case. He'd help her in the shower, well, he disturbed her more than anything but she liked it. She felt loved and spoiled and could get used to it. She spoiled him too, she prepared dinners for him, gave him massages, showered him with love. He wasn't used to the attention and sometimes felt uncomfortable with it, but it didn't stop her.

When John wasn't working a number he'd take her out for romantic strolls near the Queensborough bridge, treat her to ice cream, they even had a picnic in a park in Newark. That day he asked her if Taylor played baseball, he was pleased to know he did even if he prefered basketball. Some evenings he'd come home moody, he'd close himself to the world even to her, several times he took the Ducati for a ride who knows where but he always came back to her. The first time she had to admit, she'd been afraid he wouldn't come back for a week or so, afraid he'd avoid her again. She trusted him with every fiber or her body, still she couldn't help the feeling of worry stabbing her heart and guts every time he'd take that damn bike. She knew John could go the extra mile to prove to himself he wasn't worthy of his life or her. She hated the complacency he found in self loathing. But he came back to her and he'd talk it's all she could ask for.

They still hadn't had sex, he was too afraid to hurt her, considering her thigh muscle was still sensitive, although he'd found creative ways to satisfy her and she had her ways to satisfy him. She surrendered to his tongue many times, he left her breathless by many means. She would find pleasure in anything, the way he fed her, the way he kissed her, a massage anything was an excuse for her to moan and whimper. She didn't know if he was that good or if she was really, really horny; she didn't care either she loved the feeling of losing control at any time.

Everything wasn't rainbows and butterflies though, his protectiveness was overbearing at times. In the beginning he was calling her every damn hour to know if she wanted something, at times reminding her to take her medication, telling her to take it easy she had tried really hard to be rational about this. It lasted a week before she flipped out on him and just when she thought he got the hint, Bear moved in. Now she couldn't make a move without having the big German Shepherd on her tail. At first she was mad, it's not that she doesn't like the dog she loves him dearly he and John are very much alike, to her he was a symbol of John overbearing protectiveness. After a while he became more of a companion, she wasn't spending her days alone and she could take him out for a walk.

But John's protectiveness wasn't the only thing troubling her. On many occasions she caught herself thinking about that other woman he slept with, she wondered what was so special about her he didn't hesitate to bed her and could she live up to that? He'd given her an explanation, or what he thought was one, she tried to brush it off but she hated the woman. She didn't know her, she could be Oprah for all she knows but it didn't change the facts, that bitch slept with her man and she didn't like it one bit.

Today was a sunny day, Finch had called John for work so she was alone with Bear. They agreed to meet in a dinner for lunch with Harold and Lionel...and Bear since she had to take him every where. Since she was up early she made her way to the kitchen, following the divine smell of the steaming plate of pancakes set on the counter, he had poured her a tall glass of cranberry juice. There was a sticky note on the glass.

_Morning, gorgeous! Here's your favorite to start the day. What is your obsession with cranberries?_

Like every morning she took the note, set it in her nightstand drawer and went to eat her breakfast in front of the TV. She was a grown woman but she couldn't resist watching cartoons in the morning when she had the time, Taylor found it silly and John found it adorable. Her plate contained more pancakes than she could eat so she shared with her four-legged buddy, he was rather happy about the treat and she made him swear to not tell John or Finch or else she was in deep trouble.

* * *

John arrived at the library with a cup of Sencha green tea for Harold and coffee for him. Harold was already busy working on the new number, taping the picture on the chipped pane glass. John didn't see who it was right away, Finch was standing just in front of the picture. When he moved, John's heart beat quicken, he had a knot in his stomach and his eyes widen for a second before he composed himself. When he set Finch's cup on his desk, the man in glasses finally noticed him.

"Mr. Reese."

"Finch. This is our new number?"

"Yes, Diana Nayar. No bank account, no email, no social media page. She lives in a loft she paid cash for. It will be a difficult one."

"Not so sure Finch. I bet she's the victim. Her past may have caught up with her." John was so sure of him Finch had to ask questions.

"Do you know her?"

"Yes. I had the pleasure of meeting her two weeks ago..." he stopped not sure if he should share this kind of information with him.

"She's a prostitute, with a very troubled past. She arrived in New York five years ago to escape it. She punished herself for things she wasn't responsible for and lead a life she thinks she deserve to live." John was aware of the similarities between him and Diana. He hoped Finch wouldn't ask more questions.

"Do you know how to contact her?" Finch knew, he had this kind of information. He was curious at the kind of connection he had with their new number. John's uneasiness seemed to speak for itself.

"As a matter of fact I do. And I'm a dead man." Harold's suspicions were confirmed, he had slept with her and he probably told Joss just as much. She won't be pleased about it, but Finch trusted her cop instinct to not come in the way of their work.

Diana wasn't answering her phone, he took the Ford Escort and went to her appartement. The door of her building was ajar, he had a bad feeling about this. He ran the three flight of stairs to find her door close. He knocked with energy until she finally opened. She was wearing a robe, loosely tied showing bits and pieces of her bare chest, her hair was a mess, clearly he'd woke her.

"John? What the fuck are ya doing here?"

"Good to see you to, Diana. Can I come in?" she moved to let him in. The pristine, virginal white place he once knew was ransacked. The white leather couch had large slits everywhere, her drawers were empty and smashed, bits of woods were scattered all over the place, broken glass and trail of blood completed the picture. He quickly looked over Diana to see if she was hurt. She had dry blood on her hand.

"Sorry the place's a mess." she gave him a slight smile, she tried to lighten up the mood.

"Are you hurt? What happened?" she showed him the cut on her hand, he could see pieces of broken glass in her wound, he knew she'd need stitches.

"He found me. He kept screaming I stole something from him. I told him I didn't know what he was referring to. He lost it, grabbed me by the hair and threw me on my table it broke under my weight and cut me everywhere. My hand's the worse though. He had a knife too, he threaten me with it, ransacked the place, told me I had five hours to find it or else I was dead." she rushed the words out, relieved she said everything before crying. She flinched when John held her tight but she didn't try to leave his embrace she felt safe.

"How long ago was that?"

"About two hours. Don't tell me to go to the police I can't." she sobbed.

"No. I want you to trust me, okay? Pack some stuff I'll keep you safe." she nodded she didn't want to argue.

John called Finch to arrange a safe house. He indicated him one in Queens. In there he looked for a first aid kit to attend to her cuts. She was so caught up in her problems she didn't ask why he came to see her this morning. She was busy planning an escape. He forced her to get some rest assuring her he was in the other room. She slept for three hours, woke up, showered and accepted John's offer to treat her to lunch.

John knew he was playing a dangerous game, Joss will be there and it won't be pretty. Diana knew she will be meeting the people he work with, she also knew the woman he was in love with will be there. She was excited to meet her. They entered the dinner and John showed her to a booth where three persons and a dog were waiting. Bear sat up when he saw John, Finch looked down not wanting meet any one's eyes, especially Joss'. Fusco was stunned to see John with an another woman, since Carter was sitting right here. Joss turned around happy to see her man, he was gone for a few hours but she missed him terribly. When she saw the woman with him she thought nothing of it, to her it was the new number he was protecting her plus she looked battered, tired and scared.

"Diana, here is Finch, Fusco, Joss and Bear." he pointed to everyone after saying their names.

"Everyone he is Diana." She glanced at Joss then John with a smile and a nod.

"Can I sit next to your girl?" she asked him. Beside Finch, everyone else was stunned.

How could she know who Joss is to John? Of course, Diana being Diana she didn't wait for an answer she sat next to a suspicious Joss. John was praying at this point. A man already wanted Diana dead but in a few minutes Joss will be the perp they are looking for and we're talking double homicide.

"Joss...can I talk to you for a second?" he was dead. He knew it.

"Sure." Diana stood up to let her out of the booth before sitting back and scoot over facing Fusco. No one said a word at the table. John took her hand and pulled her near the restrooms, it was the only place they could talk without people listening in.

"What's up?" Joss was frowning, John kissed the wrinkle above her brow, she was taken aback by the gesture he usually didn't show such affection in public. It only serve to fuel her suspicions.

"Did Finch talked about the case with you?"

"He said she was a prostitute with a troubled past catching up to her. Why?"

"I know you said you didn't want to hear any of it but she will certainly tell you, so..." she cut him off understanding where this was going.

"We're not talking about this here. And you better get your ass home tonight or I swear I will shoot your kneecap myself, understood?" she made her way to the exit, knowing Bear will follow her she turned around

"and tell that damn dog to stay away from me!"

John motioned for Bear to stay put and went back to the booth, sitting next to Fusco. Anticipating how the conversation would end Finch moved to sit next to Diana.

"Honey, when I told you to tell her everything I didn't mean the part when we slept together." she shook her head in amusement. "Men...I swear."

"Hold up, you guys..." Fusco was not sure if he understood everything. Finch was shifting uncomfortably on the banket not wanting to talk about this matter.

"We sure did...Fusco? Is that right?" but she didn't wait for an answer. "I'm starving! What's good here?"

Joss walked as fast as she could away from the dinner. Her leg was sore from the efforts but she did not care. She knew John had no control over who he protected still the hurt was there, the jealousy, the anger, she thought the Universe had a twisted sense of humor. She pictured Diana's face, she was in her mid-twenties, tall, she had long wavy auburn hair, big green eyes. Even battered and tired you could see the beauty shinning from her. She oozed sex, which must be a given considering her line of work. In the dinner every men had turn to look at her. She wasn't blind, she saw the way Diana looked at John, she knew they had shared more than sex. A connection was established between the two. John said himself they talked about her. The more she thought about it the angrier she got.

Part of her wanted to give him an ultimatum it would be her or Diana, that included protecting her. But that damn moral compass of hers rejected the idea. Nonetheless she wanted to smash Diana's head on a brick wall and kick John in the groin. At her appartement Carter, changed back into her pajamas, grab a pint of ice cream and settled on her couch with plans to do nothing but think of ways to kill them both, starting with her, without leaving any evidence behind.

* * *

Judging Diana was out of danger for now, had Fusco brought her back to the safe house and stay with her until tomorrow. He let Bear with Harold who was more than happy to spend time with the German Shepherd. On his way back home he bought chocolate covered cranberries in hope to sooth her. When he got in the appartement the TV was on and Joss was sleeping on the couch in her pajamas, a pint of vanilla bean ice cream was on the coffee table. He came closer to her to watch her sleep. He didn't want to wake her just yet, he wanted to marvel at her beauty, to savour his luck. He was the luckiest man in the world, he was with Jocelyn Carter. She loved him and he loved her more than he ever loved anyone. He cleaned up the table and readied her some coffee. He knew she would want some once she wake up, he figured if anticipated her needs maybe, just maybe his knees will stay intact. He poured some craisins in a small bowl and brought them in the living room with a steaming cup of coffee. He set them on the table before kneeling in front of her to kiss her lips lightly. She opened her eyes.

"Hey."

"I'm still mad at you."

"Honestly I don't know why you're so mad at me. You said yourself you slept with someone else too."

"I was in a relationship with Cal, you paid to have sex."

"I didn't. She was off the clock." it was too late to take back that statement, he knew he made a mistake of saying it when she glared at him. If her eyes were revolvers he'd have died on the spot.

"Plus, may I remind you that you and I had nothing when I slept with Cal?"

"So? It still hurt Carter! Do you even know how I felt when you thought you were pregnant? That day I was ready to tell you how much I love you, how much you mean to me. I was ready to help you raise the child. I was ready to do anything for you not to be alone, for you to love me." He stood up and paced to the door, she sat up quickly and winced at the pain in her leg. He turned around quickly and in seconds was back at her side worried.

"Baby are you okay?"

"Yeah. My leg fell asleep because I slept on the wrong side." he lifted her up before sitting on the couch with Joss on his lap. She looked at him intensely.

"You were about to runaway from me again..." her voice was strangled. "Would you really have done that? I mean, help me raise the kid?"

"Of course. I'd do anything for you."

"Are you attracted to her more than to me?" she had so much questions she wanted to ask. She just went from one to the other.

"Who? What are you talking about?"

"Diana." she spat her name like it was poison in her mouth. Her tone surprised John.

"No. Why would you think that?"

"Why did you sleep with her but not with me?" she had a huge problem with that. She needed a real answer. A real explanation. John remembered his conversation with Diana, the way she helped him understand his own feelings. He was glad he changed his mind that night, he had no regret about sleeping with her. If he hadn't met her he wouldn't be with Joss now; He would be avoiding her.

"Because I love you and at the time I didn't know how to deal with the feelings. It was...it is bigger than anything I ever felt. I was scared if I gave you what you want I wouldn't be able to handle the rejection."

"What rejection?"

"I never imagined you would feel the same for me. I never thought I'd be the man you want much less the one you need. I thought what you wanted was sex, nothing more. It was hard not to give in, I mean you were wearing next to nothing. I didn't want to betray my feelings and risk for whatever we had to change."

"So you avoided me for a week instead? Are you going to try and run from me every time you can't deal with your feelings? Because if that's your plan I will shoot you sooner than you think."

"I'm sure you will." he smiled. She kissed him, relieved she finally had a proper answer to her question.

"I hate her you know?" she said sheepishly. She couldn't help the feeling.

"Diana?" she nodded. "Why?"

"Because she slept with you. And she likes you. I can feel it. She's trying to seduce you and you don't see it."

"Then it's not working."

"Then again when I tried it didn't either..." he slipped his hand under her pajama top, running his fingers up and down her spine, it sent shivers all over her body and caused her to arch her back. "John? What is she exactly to you?" she had to ask, she needed to know.

"A friend. Carter, I'd like for you to get to know her. She reminds me of myself, she needs someone to guide her into the light, like you, Finch and Fusco did with me."

"I can be civilized. But don't push it." he smiled. "Take me to bed now."

"It's the afternoon Joss."

"So? you have yet to be forgiven."

"For Diana?"

"No. You called me Carter. Twice."

This time around, Joss was determined to get what she craved for, for the past weeks. She wanted him, she needed him inside her; it was vital at this point. He was talking to her but she wasn't listening she had one thing on her mind, one mission to accomplish. She was through with talking, words were unnecessary right now. She shut him up by nibbling a little on his lower lip, she meant business and it was more than time to get down to it. John let her down gently in the middle of her queen sized bed.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms behind his neck pulling him closer to her. They kissed, it was chaste at first, full of love and manners, but as Carter was more and more turned on their kiss deepened. She felt his tongue on her lower lip and allowed him entrance, his tongue caressing hers lightly. She could feel her pulse raging in her neck. John parted ways with her lightly biting her full lower lip as he did so, she whimpered before letting out a sigh of pleasure when she felt his lips and tongue tracing her jaw line, her ear lobe and her neck. He trailed light kisses on her collarbone before biting her shoulder with enough force to mark her but lightly enough not to draw blood. He flicked his tongue to soothe the sting of his bite.

He righted himself a little allowing himself to look at her, she was more beautiful than ever, he didn't know how it was possible, but she was. She started to unbutton his shirt, anxious to see him naked. She already had, they took showers together, yet for some reason it didn't feel the same. Somehow it was different. He took his shirt off throwing it somewhere on the floor and lowered himself again snuggling his head in her neck, sucking and biting the tender skin. She could feel his erect penis at her entrance and it drove her insane. She pushed him off her, or more precisely she pushed his shoulder and he rolled off her, to take of her pajama top. John was breathless at the sight of her chocolatey brown skin and her bare breast. Sure he had seen every bit and pieces of her skin before, he had seen her in the nude and he had pleased her more than once, but never he got to see her in her full glory as he was about to make love to her for it was their first time together. He was excited and anxious, he was still worried he would hurt her leg, but with the conversation they had before he knew if he expressed his concerns she would take it as an insult, as a way for him to reject her.

He cupped her left breast, feeling her heart beat fasten under his palm, he let his tongue travel on her soft skin, around her areola before latching forcefully on her hard nipple. She winced at the slight pain it caused her. John, gave the same treatment to her other breast before going back and forth on them. Joss arched her back causing her hip to align perfectly with his, now she could feel his stiff member on her bundle of nerves. Too bad there's so much fabric left between us, she thought. She couldn't take it anymore, her breathing was heavy, her heart threaten to burst out of her chest. Each passage of his tongue on either breast was a sweet torture, she would gladly surrender and let her orgasm take over her but she wanted more before letting it out.

"John...please..." her voice was reduced to a whisper, she didn't have the strength in her to talk. "Not...now..." she hoped he would understand what she meant.

He kissed his way down her stomach, licking around the rim of her navel, smiling at her sharp intake of breath. He pulled down her panties and pajamas just enough to see her tattoo. He kissed along the vines printed on her skin, one way, then the other and back. He was so close to where she wanted him to be, the warmth of his breath turned her soft skin to small constricted bumps.

"John..." he took off the rest of her clothes. He made his way back up and kissed her with fervour; He was ravishing her mouth with his tongue, sucking on her lip and she loved every second of it. Still she yearned for more of him.

Suddenly his fingers made their way to her entrance, moving inside her at a rather fast pace, then she felt his thumb running circles on her swollen clitoris it sent an electric charge to her core. She was about to come when he withdrew from her. She reached for his belt, yanking it out of the buckle. He did the rest. Finally he was in his full glory. His cock was throbing of desire for her and already glistening with pre-cum. She reached in her bedside table for a condom she took her time to put it on him, allowing her fingers to touch him ever so slightly. She swore she'd take all the time in the world to take care of him later. She loved the way his cock jerked forward at the rush of blood in his vains. They kissed again, this time it was tender, reassuring, loving, caring even. His way of saying he was about to make love to her.

He buried himself in her wetness, thrusting slowly to make sure it fit perfectly. When he was sure he wasn't hurting her, he thrusted deeper and faster. She could feel the release bubble up, the crescendo rose in her. He whispered "I love you in her ear", she couldn't reply back she was lost in the premisce of her orgasm. Deep. Slow. Fast. Slower. Faster. Deeper. It was the rythm to their own dance. He felt her walls clench around him.  
"Joss...look at me." She hadn't even realised she had closed her eyes. She looked at him as she came, screaming his name. Her eyes filled with lust and love. His were darker than usual from the lust and desire but his gaze was still loving and tender. He gave a couple more thrust before achieving his own release. He pulled from her, kissed her temple and went to the bathroom to throw out the condom. She watched his lean body moved with a predatory grace, she didn't know if realized he walked like feline. A big, bad feline. He came back next to her, kissed his way down her body again, she laughed at his greediness.

"John, I don't know if my body is ready for round two just now." He didn't listen and kept going down on her. When he was between her thighs he trailed kisses from her knees to her tattoo always making sure to avoid the sensitive area. He did the same on the other side, before going back down his trail of burning kisses and stopped on her scar. He lingered there, leaving light kisses and gently running the pad of his thumb on it.

"Does it hurt?" he was concerned. The last thing he wanted was for her to be hurt.

"No. It's soothing." she smiled at him. "Come here." He settled back at her side. She left kisses on his neck and chest, making her way down. She too stopped at his scar. She planted several light kisses on it, she could taste the salt of her tears as she did.

"Joss...don't. Come here now." She laid her naked body on top of his. He rested his chin on her head, stroking her hair with one hand his other arm wrapped around her shoulders tightly. She was pressed against his chest, feeling and hearing his heart beat but she still was crying. He pushed her hair aside and like many times he'd held her he found himself tracing the phoenix on her neck.

"Do you hate me for it?" she asked in between two sobs.

"Are you crazy? I love you. I don't fault you for that. Snow his the one to blame not you."

"I love you too, John." she poised her lips on the left side of his chest. She could feel his heart beating underneath and she closed her eyes, wishing they could stay like this forever. A loud knock was heard at the door. Whoever it was really needed to be heard. Carter rolled of John.

"That better be a girl scout with amazing cookies" she growled. John was back in his suit in no time. He kissed her before leaving the room to open the door.

"Fusco?"

"Your girl, Diana, she left. She said she knew what he was talking about."


	7. Chapter 7

_"Fusco?" _

_"Your girl, Diana, she left. She said she knew what he was talking about"_

* * *

**Chapter VII:**

"When was that?"

"Half an hour ago."

"Lionel,why didn't you call me?"

"I did! You weren't picking up, that's why I'm here. By the way how is Carter?"

"Fine. Give me two minutes." John went back in Carter's room. He found her peacefully sleeping in the middle of her bed. Not wanting to wake her up he gave her a small peck on the back of her shoulder before leaving to find Diana. On his way out he grabbed his gun, his earpiece and his phone. He took a quick look at it and noticed six missing calls and one voicemail, he pressed on the latter to listen to it.

_John, it's Diana, I know what he wants. I'm in my appartement to get it and finally get my li-AH!_

Her loud and sharp scream pierced John's eardrum. His facial features harden, his eyes darken and his blood was boiling. Diana was in danger and maybe he was too late to save her, like he had been for Jessica, like he almost had been for Joss. The thought made him shudder. Fusco shot him a questioning glare upon hearing the loud scream coming from the phone. Not wanting to lose anymore precious minutes to come to Diana's rescue, John ran to the car and sped off to her apartment the second Fusco sat in the passenger seat. The tension in the confined space was building up, John's anger palpable.

Diana wasn't stupid she knew her time had come, her past eventually caught up with her and what a past it was. She was born twenty-five years ago in Chicago to a crack head prostitute. Her mother couldn't stay clean more than two hours, the little money she made from selling her body never served to pay the bills no, she would buy food for her daughter and more crack for herself. Diana didn't hate her mother, she hated her choices in life but she knew her mother loved her more than she loved crack. They moved from apartment to apartment in the worst parts of Chicago, parts in which landlords didn't mind you not having the money to pay up because they had other ways to use you, make you feel inferior, trap you into doing the worst for you to keep a roof on yours and your child head. Her mother had sex in exchange of a roof on her head more than Diana could remember, the hard reality of her actions brought her to use more crack; Of course as she did her body became more and more of a distorted mess. Soon enough she was too disgusting to be fucked even by the most perverted kind.

At this point in their life Diana was a teenager, a beautiful one at that. They wanted her, but she didn't want any of the men, her mother had fought hard to keep her daughter safe from their dirty hands but in vain. She was so weak she couldn't do a lot so they got what they wanted from Diana. They took it from her. She had been raped and battered more than she could probably remember by men she didn't even know, men who touched her feeling strong and manly but were nothing more than weak and inhuman.

Every day that went by her mother was closer to death, Diana hated to admit but as much as she loved her she longed to see her dead. It was a horrible thing to want from life, to see your mother disappear for eternity; Diana knew she would be better left in the peaceful company of Death rather than alive. Diana had to go to school during the day and work at night, a proper job as a cashier in a gas station. Typically teenagers didn't do the late night shifts but her boss, Cole, was understanding he knew she needed the money, he knew her story and gradually became a great friend, a guardian angel.

After years of working there she dropped out of school and worked full-time. She was getting closer to Cole, he was a great man with great morals, he never touched her without her consent, never made anything to make her feel uncomfortable, he was always here for her because he loved her. Life is a weird thing though, or maybe it was Karma for wanting her mother dead. One summer night, five years ago, a group of thugs came in to rob the place. When they entered the gas station's small shop, Diana was on a break in the back of the store, she had ask for Cole to take her place, she was supposed to be the one at the cashier's desk. Cole motioned for her to stay hidden in the back so nothing would happen to her.

They had knives and guns, they wanted the money and were not afraid to do everything to get it, including killing anyone who'd want to get in the way. That's what Cole did and she saw him fall to the ground, a red pool forming underneath his tall, lean body. She didn't scream, she didn't draw attention to her. When everyone had left she ran to his side, trying anything that would keep the man she had fallen so desperately in love with alive. Cole had no family left, no one to live her but her. He fought to stay alive but fate had other plan. No shot had been fired, they stabbed him, three deep stabs in the abdomen and Cole was taken away from her. "I love you" were his last words to her. Words she treasured dearly as she did the ring she found in a velvety box in his pocket. He had never told her before then, and he would never know she loved him too.

The police never find the culprits, surveillance cameras were down from being smashed by teenagers a week earlier, they claimed they had no proof, it was a cold case. Diana was devastated, furious a man as good as Cole would never get justice. He left her money in his will, she sold the gas station to the highest bidder and offered Cole a descent funeral. From the moment her love was buried she was dead on the inside. She lost her mother not too long after, she had fallen asleep with her crack pipe, set fire to the apartment and died in here. Alone. Diana felt trapped, she had no job, no way of getting into college being a highschool dropout. She had no money left from the sale and Cole's will, she had paid the bills, refurnished their home and paid for two funerals in three weeks.

She needed money, she needed a new place to stay, she needed a miracle. Miracles didn't come by easily in this part of town. She looked for jobs but couldn't find any. She squatted places, tried her best to stay away from what her mother used to do. She stole from several persons to make money. One time she stole from the wrong one, was forced to sleep with him and the crew in exchange he would spare his life, she had not much to live for, she told him. So he raped her, kept her in a den for weeks and had his friends have their way with her. She pleaded with him to kill her, he laughed in her face. She had a new-found respect for her mother, she understood why she had lived the way she did. When she was no use to the man who captured her, he tossed her out.

She had no personal belongings beside her ring, no clean clothes, her face was swollen from the many blow she took stoically from so many different men. Her dignity had been shattered to pieces, she loathed herself. She couldn't go to the police they were corrupt. She had no other way but to keep stealing, for food, clothes, to make money. She'd been arrested many times but she knew her way out easily seeing has they were corrupt pigs she just had to offer a blowjob in the back of the police car to get out of trouble. She wasn't proud of herself but it was the only choice she had.

She spent two months living in the streets, where she met her best friend Zola. To Diana, Zola was a force of nature, a tornado, she was loud and eccentric. She had lost everything in a fire her only son and her husband. They shared that in common, the loss of a family, of love. Zola was a thirty something woman whom stayed out of trouble, she had no business with drugs, alcohol, neither did she had to fuck her way out of jail. No Zola had a day job but without her husband salary she couldn't pay rent or bills, she could barely sustain herself so she slept on the streets. Diana knew she was only trouble to Zola still she never let her down if anything Diana was the one who did so. She failed her miserably on numerous occasions but Zola looked past it, she saw the good in Diana, she kept telling her she was a good young woman she just needed to bounce back.

The economy got Zola, she lost her job, couldn't find a new one, she needed options and she needed them fast. A man offered her a job as an "assistant" he had said, Zola accepted. She was older than Diana but so naïve about the streets and the people filling them. Diana told her not to take the job, told her it was bad news. Zola didn't listen. When she finally realized what she was in for it was too late, she needed a way out but of course couldn't find any. She asked too much questions for her boss' liking, she was curious and curiosity lead to death in the streets. Diana knew what was about to happen but she arrived too late. She had time to take what Zola handed her before she died. Diana was blaming herself ever since. She blames herself for every close person she lost. She always told herself she should have tried harder. Tried harder to make her mother quit crack. Tried harder to keep Cole alive. Tried harder to convince Zola not to take the job.

Zola was a good person, she had other family member outside of Chicago, naturally when she was killed the good cops looked for the murderer. Diana had already arrived in New York by the time they caught the culprit. What she didn't know was what Zola gave her, she took a look at it of course, it was a photograph of a woman she didn't know. She never tried to find out what it was or what to do with it. She kept it in memory of her best friend. She hadn't realize she detained evidence that could put away one of the biggest crime lord in Chicago. She had no idea she became loose end to tie and a prey to a hunter with no morals, no values.

When Diana arrived to New York she could have been anyone, she could have made a better life for herself. Instead she chose to honor the memories of her loved ones in the most twisted way possible, in a way she was sure to be punished, in a way she was sure her guilt would eat her. She chose New York because Zola dreamt of living here, she painted and furnished her loft in white because Cole dreamt to live in an all white loft with big windows, she became a prostitute to remind herself she should have been more understanding toward her mother. It was easy for her, she'd always been a toy for men to play with. Except for two of them.

Tied to her chair, she found herself reliving each painful moment as she was beaten by the man who had Zola killed. He'd came here himself to kill her, once he'd get his evidence back. He was furious he had to do the job himself every one of his men had failed to find her or were caught before they had a chance to do so. His crime ring was in trouble and the only thing powerful enough to make it shut down for good was in the hands of the woman he was beating. Diana could taste her blood on her split lips. Blood from her tongue she had bite when she took a punch to her jaw, blood from her split lips from the slap he gave her when she refused to give him the photograph, blood from her nose from the headbutt he'd done when she spat in his face.

She accepted her fate, it didn't mean she would be taken down without giving a fight. She had to give a fight, for herself but also in memory of the one she lost who didn't have time to fight. Tied to her chair taking blow after blow she thought about John and the amazing gift he'd given her. Hope. Hope that someday she would love again and enjoy everything a relationship could offer, even the most intimate part. He was a good man, much like Cole, they looked alike too, that's why she had been attracted to him in the bar.

Her body was numb, the pain spreading everywhere. She knew the second she would close her eyes and give in to unconsciousness he would do whatever with her. She fought it, but it was the way everything had to end for her so be it. When she finally surrendered to unconsciousness that's when she heard it. The door was wide open, she could make out two silhouettes, she heard a gun being fired. She closed her eyes a small smile curving her lips. She wasn't alone anymore, someone had come for her she could die knowing she mattered enough for someone to come help her. Her breathing slowed.

John had barged in her apartment, hoping she would still be here alive, hoping her assailant would be here to so he could but a bullet in each of his knees. He didn't want to kill the guy, knowing if he did Joss would be disappointed in him and he wanted her to be proud of him. But what he found in Diana's place turned him to the cold-blooded killer he once was. Fusco didn't have time to react, in one swift motion John took Fusco's gun from his holster and fired a bullet to the head of the other man. He didn't talk to him, didn't ask for him to back away from the girl, he straight up shot him. With his gun, Fusco thought. John untied Diana.

"She alive?" Lionel was still in shock and had many more questions to ask, he knew it would be better to start with this one.

"Yes, she's unconscious."

"Need me to call an ambulance?"

"No, I got this." He took a quick glance at the dead body, wiped off his prints from Fusco's service arm before handing it back to him. "You killed him because he wouldn't coöperate and threaten you with his own gun." To back up the claim John wiped his prints off his own gun and put it in the dead man's hand. Fusco wasn't thrilled with the idea of the paper work he'll have to fill just to explain this lie but went with it because he knew he had too.

"I won't say anything to Carter!" he shouted as John exited the apartment with Diana's limp body in his arms. He didn't say a word but he was thankful Fusco was willing to keep this to himself.

In the car John called Finch, asked him to meet him at the safe house with Doctor Tillman and to send a car for Fusco at Diana's apartment. He hung up and called Joss, she answered on the first ring she was pissed at him.

"John! Where are you?"

"Had to go Diana was in danger. I didn't want to wake you up."

"You should have! I was scared."

"Of what?"

"I thought you had left because...you know..."

"I'm sorry I scared. Joss, can you take a cab and meet at the safe house? I'm sending you the address."

"Sure." he hung up.

Joss was relieved to know he didn't leave because they finally properly consumed their love. She wasn't sure why John wanted her to be at the safe house but she knew it had to do with Diana. It was no secret she hated the woman still she wasn't about to wish her to be hurt or worse. She wanted to take all the time in the world to get ready and meet him there, maybe if she took long enough he'd call back and tell to stay because he was on his way home, but something in John's voice had triggered her need to shield him from the cruelty of the outside world. She knew it was pointless to think like this, John Reese didn't need shielding he was the shield. Yet with everything he saw and went through she couldn't help the yearning she felt to shower him with love and tenderness and let him bask in it to forget the wrongs of the world.

* * *

After a quick shower she called a cab. In the living room she took notice of the cold cup of coffee and the bowl of chocolate covered cranberries, John knew he was in trouble when he had come home earlier and did everything he could think of to downgrade her anger. She ate a few of the delicious treats when the cab arrived. She gave the same house address thinking of what could have happened to make John sound this...guilty. That was it, guilt is what she had heard in his voice. She didn't like it one bit. Every worse case scenario played in her mind, he'd found Diana safe and did something he regret now, like kiss her maybe or worse he slept with her. Again. Or maybe he arrived in time and carried by his emotions shot the perp dead instead of living it to Fusco to handle. Or maybe he didn't arrive in time and she was dead or on the verge of doing so. She was worried. Not for Diana but for John. She should be worried for Diana, usually she would feel concern for the victims of her vigilante but when it came to Diana she had a hard time feeling anything else than hate, she felt bad about this, it wasn't like her at all. When she arrived at the safe house she wondered exactly how wealthy Finch was. Bear was the first to greet her. She scratched his ear long enough for the canine to forgive her for her attitude earlier in the diner.

"Detective."

"Finch, please call me Joss."

"In that case, Joss, why don't you call me Harold?" he limped away in another room, she understood she had to follow him. "I'm surprised to see you here, I came to understand you're not a big fan of Ms. Nayar."

"John asked me to come." She neither confirmed or denied what Finch said they both knew it was true.

"I see. He is in the room with her and Doctor Tillman."

"The woman who patched me up? The one with the crush on John? Just how many of them are out there?" Finch was taken aback by her sudden burst of jealousy and possessiveness but didn't let it show long enough for her to pick up on it.

"I imagine every women he saved. He only has eyes for one." he shot her a knowing glance and she flushed at the stupidity of her behaviour. John was turning her into a mad woman. Finch didn't say an other word he simply pointed to the door behind him.

"Thank you." she muttered. She knocked on the door it took several seconds before it opened. John was standing there, looking at her with guilt written all over his face. She definitely didn't like this one bit.

Harold had left the living room without her knowing. John stepped out of the room, closed the door behind him and sat on the sofa. She followed not sure what to say. She knew she should ask about Diana but it was too much to ask of her. She sat in silence waiting for him to speak. He took her hand in his, squeezing it.

"I almost didn't make it in time. She's severely beat up but she will survive. It's my fault." That's where the guilt was coming from he was blaming himself.

"Where was Fusco?"

"Here. She managed to get away from him after telling him she knew what her assailant wanted."

"John, stop blaming yourself. If she hadn't run from the safe house and if she'd let Fusco go with her then she wouldn't be lying in here beat up." Her voice was harsh, she was annoyed.

"Fusco called me several times, she called me too. She left a voicemail, she was already in his grasp when she did. She screamed, Joss. I can't get it out of my head." The strong man she knew was crumbling right before her eyes.

The sudden urge of shielding him from everything came back. He was miserable all because some tramp decided danger wasn't a problem and went for it. Now her man was vulnerable and, she knew it, ready to leave her if anything went wrong, this only served to add up to the already strong feeling of hatred she felt toward the bitch. She pulled him in a tight embrace, hiss face was buried in her neck, his warm breath tickling her skin aroused her in seconds. It was uncalled for considering the situation but she couldn't help it that's what he did to her. She was possessive and protective of him, he was hers and no one would get to break him or make him feel unworthy, not under her watch.

"It's okay John, she is alive, she'll pull through." _and if she doesn't I'll resurrect her and kill her sorry ass with my bare hands_.

"I killed him." Joss tensed instantly.

She forgave him when he killed the guy who shot her not long ago. For some weird reason she felt betrayed, he usually didn't kill guys to respect the promise he made her, if he did kill someone it was to protect her or because he had no other choice. Now he killed a man to protect an other woman. Fusco was with him so he could easily have shot him in the kneecaps and let Fusco deal with the rest. Instead, he had been caught in his emotions, his feelings for Diana whatever they were, they were strong enough for him to break his promise to her. The man was driving her insane for thinking like this, she was well aware of that. What could she do? She will be the first one to admit her moral compass had a tendency to shift to the dark side when it came to John. She'd purposefully committed a federal crime by erasing his prints from the police data base, drugged a man to swipe his DNA with John's when he had been caught by Donnelly. She had shred his army file so no one would found his past. She killed a man from a rooftop, with illegal artillery given to her by the vigilante, when he was to close to badly hurt John. Of course she would see him killing people to protect her as his way of saying he love and care for her. She knew it was absurd to feel like this but he was so stubborn and unpredictable when it came to her protection because of her work alone she couldn't risk a third party to jeopardize the progress he made in understanding he can't blame himself when someone gets hurt for chasing danger which was what Diana was doing. The man she lived with for the past weeks was fading away leaving in it's place a man who will probably go on an alcoholic binge and avoid her for days.

* * *

"She's awake and asking for you, John." Megan Tillman's voice breached through their bubble. Neither one of them had heard her coming in the living room. She was standing at a remote distance from them as though not to disturb. "I'm leaving. One of you call me if she relapses. Detective Carter it's good to see you healed."

"Thank you." She smiled to the doctor. John was still in her embrace his arms had found their way around her waist he was holding on to her tightly afraid if he did not she would walk away, reject him for the monster he is. Finch lead Megan out, leaving more privacy to the couple.

"Do you still love me?" His voice was nothing but a whisper as if he was afraid to ask or maybe he was more afraid to know the answer. Joss was saddened by the question. She pushed him away from her and forced him to look at her. There was so much pain and uncertainty in his gaze it hit her like a punch to the guts.

"Of course I do! Never ever doubt for a second I would stop loving you. Maybe I don't say or show it enough, is this why you ask?"

"No. I asked because I broke my promise to avoid killing if it can be taken care of by the police."

"Yeah...well I'm not happy about it but what's done is done." He kissed her, a sweet kiss bearing all the love and tenderness he felt for her.

"I should check on Diana. Come with me, she wants to meet you, it's not exactly the best way to formally introduce you two but you pulled a John Reese at lunch." He smiled to put her at ease. She chuckled at the joke. She really didn't want to be formally introduced to the woman he had slept with yet she followed him anyway. He knocked on her door.

"Come in." Joss stayed close behind her man, she wanted to hold his hand, and do all kind of irrational things to prove he was her's and no one else's. "Honey, ya took your time. Did the doctor had that much to say? She told me I was fine."

"You are fine. I was talking with Joss." He turned around to introduce them but she was gone. He hadn't heard her leave, he was sure she'd came in with him. "Hold on, please." He went back to the living room but she wasn't in there. Finch looked up at him and knew who he was looking for.

"In the kitchen. Maybe you shouldn't try this hard to introduce them, Mr. Reese. Joss doesn't seem fond of Ms. Nayar."

"Joss?" John raised an eyebrow at his friend, since when he called her Joss.

"She asked me to call her by her name." John shrugged and made a beeline for the kitchen. She was pacing back and forth, any other men would have known it meant she was waiting for him to follow and was going to explode as soon as he set foot in the room. But John wasn't any other man. He was clueless at times. He fell right in the trap.

"What's going on? I thought you were coming in with me?" She stopped for a second, side eyed him angrily and resumed her pacing. "Joss?"

"Honey?! Seriously?! You got to be fucking kidding me!" she yelled.

"It's nothing Joss, it's affectionate." He tried to reason with her.

"Bullshit! It's out of line! The few times I gave you an "affectionate" name you weren't too keen on it. I didn't push. I'm giving you time. But she gets to call you honey? How much else does she get to do that I don't?! Will she also get the damn ring?" She was shocked at her own words. Did she wanted the ring? She guessed she did, she sure as hell didn't want him to found out this way, she wasn't even sure it was possible for them to tie the knot. She was crazy. All of this was crazy.

"I wasn't too keen on it because you called me baby, that's what you call Taylor..." he paused for a second, surprise crossed his face his brain slowly registering what she said. He hoped he had understood well but asked her just in case. "You want to get married? With me?"

"I guess. I'm not against the idea that's for sure." John was glad to see she was back to her calm and composed self. He knew it took alot to get her to lose control and scream, as weird as it may be he was proud to be able to do this.

"Good to know." That was it. That was all he had to say about it. Sure it wasn't supposed to turn into a conversation on mariage but they were in it maybe he could voice his opinion. She knew the conversation was over though.

"If you don't like baby, then what should I call you? Honey is out of the way someone already claimed it." The last part of her sentence was bitter she could not help it. Diana had claimed what Joss had spent a year working hard to get. Joss built a relationship with him based on trust and reliability. They had their ups and downs but she had finally got him. Diana came out of nowhere and bam! She had him in her bed, calls him "honey" and who knows what else.

"Anything but baby is fine by me." how about asshole? she thought, because right now he was being one. "Do you really hate Diana? You said it but I thought it was an exageration."

"Yes, I really do hate her. John, I'm sorry, I know in your fantasy world I'm supposed to accept the fact you slept with an other woman after you rejected me, after you couldn't even voice your feelings for me and after you let me alone and hurt in an hospital bed, I know in that same fantasy world I'm supposed to be excited to meet her and befriend her. But this is real life, I can't go around pretending everything is fine, that I'm not reminded of the pain I felt whenever I hear her name or see her face."

"I hope someday you'll change your mind."

"Time will tell. Go check on her so we can go home and eat, I'm starving." She could accept him being friend with her. She didn't like it but he needed a friend out of his close circle she would not be the one to take it away from him.

She waited for him in the living room. Finch was there on a computer. He kept glancing at her and back to the screen. She knew he had heard what she yelled at John, she also knew he wanted to say something about it. He would never say it to her, they weren't close enough. After a minute of side glances and uncomfortable shifting Joss had to say something.

"Yes, I hate her. Yes, I'd like to marry him. No, it won't compromise your vigilante work if he keeps in touch with her. As long as it's not literal." She didn't look at him when she said it.

"John would never do something to jeopardize your relationship. I'm happy he found someone to give him what he wants." That's when John chose to come back. She wanted to ask Finch what it was exactly.

"Finch, can you stay here the night? She doesn't want to be alone and Fusco is with his son."

"As a matter of fact Mr. Reese I was hoping you two could stay, I have other matter to attend to."

"You got to be fucking kidding me!" Joss growled. Finch startled in surprise, it was a thing to hear her curse from another room but to see the fury in her eyes as she cursed in the same room as him was another. Not that Finch had a problem with cursing, it just seemed un-Carter like. She was so calm, composed and in control all the time.

"I'm sorry Joss, but I really have to take care of this other matter." She didn't want to stay, she could go home and let John here but she didn't want that either. A part of her wanted to witness the bound between John and Diana, she wanted to know how this woman had gotten under John's skin so fast and so easily.

"I guess we don't have a choice, do we?" Joss asked without really asking, she knew the answer, she had the choice she could go.

Finch nodded as to thank them, took his laptop and left. He had nothing to do, he knew John had seen through his lie he hoped he wouldn't get mad. He wanted Joss to get to know Diana. He wasn't doing it for John's benefit but for Diana he had a long talk with her in the afternoon, she told him all bout her past and Finch sked her why she was so eager to know Carter, her answer was simple "She has great morals. She healed John, maybe she can heal me too." Harold couldn't deny it he was drawn to the young woman, she had a way of carrying herself that was mesmerizing. She was beautiful too, the kind of beauty everyone sees but not everyone understands where it's coming from. Finch understood what Diana meant, in a way Carter had healed all of them, she had a way of pushing people forward, of making them want to be better. In her company no one wanted to misbehave, she was a tough judge of character and it was an incredible honor to be accepted by her. Not many people passed the test. It saddened him she wouldn't give a chance to Diana because she was hurt.

Finch was gone, he took Bear with him so Carter had no distraction, John was too busy taking care of his friend. She got up and into the kitchen to fix something to eat. Of course there was nothing in the fridge and nothing in the pantry, she could not call for delivery because they were at a safe house so she would have to go look for a shop or somewhere to get takeout. On second thought takeout was more appealing at least she wouldn't have to cook for Diana's enjoyment. She grabbed her purse, walk to Diana's room and knocked.

"Come in." She didn't want to go in, she wanted John to get out of there.

"It's okay. Just wanted to let John know I was going to pick up takeout." She turned around to exit the living room when the door open.

"You're not going anywhere. How long have you been walking on your leg? You need rest. I'm going to get the takeout."

"What will I do then? Wait around like a good little wife from the 50's? Or do you expect me to care for your mistress maybe?"

"I love you but you're pissing me off. Sit down." On that note he left to get takeout. She was stunned, his low tone filled with warning was ordinary for the perps or Fusco. Never did he used it against her. And why was she aroused by it? She was losing her mind.

* * *

"Detective Carter?" Diana was calling her from the other room, she had scream loud enough to be heard in the entire apartment, she couldn't play deaf and ignore her. She went to the room, opened the door and leaned against the door jamb. "Can we talk?"

"Depends. What do you want to talk about?"

"Ya don't like me huh? I don't blame ya, lotta people don't. Me being in this bed looking as fresh as a daisy is proof enough. So what's your reason for not liking me? John wouldn't tell me."

"What makes you think I will?"

"What John said about ya."

"What was that?"

"Ya had a great moral compass, ya could tell when people were good and weren't. I guess I'm not. I know I'm not."

"I don't think you're a bad person." Now Joss was starting to feel some remorse, she understood what John meant when he said they were alike in many ways. "I took some things too personally I guess."

"Your apology is kinda lame but I accept it."

"I did not apologize!" The nerve of the woman.

"If ya say so, doll."

"Diana, don't make me hurt you." Joss didn't know where that was coming from but she had enough of her. She was sick and tired of hearing about her, of fighting with John about her, of hearing her voice and that way she has of talking. If she pushed it too far, she might just go through with it and phisically hurt her.

"Why do ya hate me? Is it because I slept with him?"

"I'm not discussing this with you. If you don't need anything, I'll leave you alone." She started to shut the door.

"I did it because he reminds me of my dead fiancé. Not that I owe ya an explanation but you seem hurt." That got Joss attention she opened the door and leaned back against the doorjamb. "I love you, those were his last words to me. He had never said it before. I never got the chance to tell him. He was stabbed in front of me, I couldn't do anything because I was frightened so I let him get stabbed. Three times. There was blood everywhere. I tried everything I could to keep him alive but he died. Technically he wasn't my fiancé, I found the box in his pocket. I never took off the ring."

"I'm...sorry."

"Ya can still hate me, I'm used to that by now, disrespect and hate is pretty much all I got in life. Four people cared enough to love me, my mother, Cole, Zola and John. I lost three of them. I know if John has to choose he'll choose ya. I would expect him to do so. If I have to lose the last one, be a woman and say it, say why you hate me so much."

She put Joss on the spot. She had no choice but to answer. She hadn't expected for Diana to be so open with her, she understood her reasons, she couldn't fault her, John and her were nothing more than friends, she had been hurt by John's actions and personified the burning rejection as Diana. Maybe she had been a little too vehement about it. She walked in the room closing the door behing her.

"Can I sit there?"

"Yep."

"Well...I guess, I got scared. Do you have any idea of how fucking hard it is to build something with him?" She asked the question but knew she couldn't answer. "I worked my ass off for a year to get him to see me as something more than asset. When I finally give him a hint that I'm interested in him, he rejects me and run into the arms of the first woman he found."

"He didn't want to talk to me at first. To him I was just one of those hookers trying to make money. We really started talking when I told him I wasn't working."

"Still you got what I didn't. When he told me he saw you as a friend after a night of sex and talking. I felt threatened. You share far more with him than I do. You bonded with him right away. When I saw you at the diner, when I saw how young and beautiful you are I lost it."

"Doll, I'm no match to the Almighty Jocelyn Carter. He refused to talk about his past but when it came to you he was unstoppable. How beautiful you are, how amazing you are, how frightned he was to let you love him, how deep he had fallen in love with you. If I wasn't a whore I'd probably have been very upset."

"He said all those things? To you?"

"Yes. He confessed to a stranger the thing he wanted to tell you, he had sex with me because that's what it was just sex. I'm pretty sure he made love to ya. I know how he feels my twisted mind works backwards too."

"Now be honest with me. Do you like him?"

"As a friend. He is a good man and he was right you're a good woman. Tough and stubborn but good."

"I said be honest, Diana. I see the way you look at him, I'm not blind."

"If you have to ask twice ya probably know the answer." She paused. "I would never try anything, ya know? I'm bad but not that bad. I repect love. Plus he has eyes only for ya. Now that he has ya no woman on Earth exist. We already had a hard time to compete with ya, now we're all out of the game." Joss smiled at that. Finch told her the same thing, John has eyes only for her. It was time she embrace the fact he loved her and no one else.

"I'm sorry, Diana. Really."

"It's fine, doll. Gotta do what ya gotta do to protect yourself. I get that. Maybe we could be friends someday? I was so eager to meet you, I told him to bring you around for drinks but he never did." She was genuinely disappointed.

John came back, two hours later. He had to have a conversation with Finch and his lie but more importantly about marriage. He couldn't get married under the name Reese, nor Warren since he had been arrested under that name and Joss interrogated him. Their only option was too kill Warren, delete every part of his digital life and create a new persona. Finch reacted better to the news of John wanting to ask Carter to marry him than he thought he would. He was even eager to start working on the new persona. John would have to wait for it to be ready, to memorize every thing about it. He would have to wait for Taylor to be filled in on what was going on between him and his mother, he hoped he would be okay with everything.

He set the Thai takeout on the kitchen island and went to the living room. Joss wasn't in there. He opened Diana's door and they were there, laughing. John was surprised Joss hadn't kill her. They stopped laughing when they saw him. He shot them questioning look.

"What were you talking about?"

"Fantasies." Diana answered casually as though it was the most natural thing for a woman who hate another to talk about her fantasies. She must have read John's thoughts. "It's cool we're pal now. Might steal her from you. Judging by her fantasies it's a kinky one ya got there. I like kinky."

"Diana!" Joss stared at her puzzled. John's infamous smirk was curving his lips. Of course Diana didn't pay attention to the warning in Joss' voice.

"Honey, how do ya feel about threesome?"

* * *

**Author's Note:**

_I'm sorry this was a long chapter, but I couldn't cut it in half everything needed to be here. I needed to convey the feeling that so much was going on at once between Reese and Carter and Carter and Diana. I hope you enjoyed!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter VIII:**

John couldn't believe what he had heard. Two hours before he left in the apartment a woman highly pissed off and a very miserable one. He came back to found them relaxed and laughing together, which was a good thin in theory. Now he felt like this was a trap. John knew what Joss thought about Diana, she voiced it loud and clear, he also knew she wouldn't lie and fake laughs to get on anybody's good side, not even his. He didn't know Diana for very long but he had a good idea of the kind of woman she was, as straight forward and foul-mouthed as she was she wasn't about to play the good girl to get on anyone's side, not even Carter's. So this had to be real. They had resolved the issue. Still the question felt like a trap. If he said he wasn't against it they'd probably go on and ask him with who, obviously he would say Joss and for lack of other female partner he would have to choose between Diana...or Zoe. He had slept with the three, Diana knew, but Joss didn't. If he said he wasn't interested one of them might take offense. He had to find the right way to decline and get to talk with Joss later. All of this before Diana spills the beans.

"I'm not sharing Joss with anyone."

"Who talked about sharing? It's more like lending."

"Diana, I'm not a thing. I'm a woman, I can't be lend, shared or owned."

"Doll, ya gotta lighten up. Let the kinky Jocelyn make her way out." Joss squirmed under so much attention, how did she gotten herself into talking about her fantasies with her? And why was everything being shared with John?

"She does have a handcuff fetish." John had a wicked smile on his face.

"I do not! I just wanted you in handcuffs in the back of my car." She quickly realized it sounded wrong.

"To each its own." Diana shrugged. Joss looked at them puzzled, did he told her about this too?

"It's funny because that's what I told her that day." John laughed.

"Anyway, didn't you get food? I'm starving!" Joss needed this conversation to end pronto.

They sat in the living room to eat. Joss sat in between John and Diana, she figured it would be best to be in the middle rather than have John in between them or worse Diana. Even though she talked and laughed with her she still felt uneasy about having her around John. First, she admitted she had a thing for him, second they were close, they bonded instantly and she didn't like it. As long as Diana will be around Joss will feel threatened. Maybe John had eyes only for her now, but it could change at any moment. After dinner, Diana went to bed leaving the couple some privacy.

* * *

Joss was happy to finally have some alone time with her man, he seemed more relax than earlier in the day and judging by the predatory look on his face he was happy to have some alone time with her too. With Diana gone in another room she could finally do all the things she wanted to do to him since he left the house. He may have forgotten about their second round but she hadn't. She straddled his lap and kissed him, one of his hand was stroking her hair while the other slipped under her top to rest on the small of her back. The warm touch of his palm made her shiver a little. John broke the kiss to nip at the plump skin on her shoulder making Joss gasp. Her skin was tender under his teeth, sweet under his tongue, she smelled of jasmine and he couldn't wait for their body to join so she would smell of him too. He pulled her top off, admiring the view of her perfect breast almost spilling out of her lacy black bra. He left a trail of light kisses from her neck to her breast sucking gently on the fuller parts.

"John..." Her breathing was heavy making her chest rise and fall faster than usual and her heart could burst out of her chest at any moment. She didn't have it in her to form complete sentences and got caught up in kissing John again. She had lost her train of thought under his magnetic gaze. As usual when they were together nothing counted, they shifted in their own world, a bubble of safety in which they protected and loved each other thus why it took them a long while to register John's phone vibrating in his pocket. Once they were back to the real world, John tapped his earpiece to answer.

"Mr. Reese, may I suggest you and the Detective use the master bedroom?"

"That's a great suggestion, Finch." and he hung up. Joss raised a perfectly arched eyebrow looking at him questioningly. "Finch suggests we use the master bedroom."

"Oh..." Then she seemed to realize she was missing a piece of clothing, a bra strap had made its way down her shoulder. "Wait...that means he can see us!" instinctively she grabbed her shirt to cover her breast. "That's so embarrassing! Stop laughing, John!"

He lifted her and got up holding her tight at the hips, she squealed in surprise wrapping her legs around his waist. In a few strides they were in the room, he pushed the door shut with his foot and sat her on top of a vintage dresser. They kissed hungrily and passionately, Joss struggled to unbutton his shirt her brain fogged with lust and desire when she finally undone them all she was quick to take his shirt and under shirt off. She scraped her nails on his chest down to his under belly stopping right before the hem of his pants, she loved the low groan that came from the back of his throat.

"Joss, I don't have anything."

"What do you mean?"

"Condom. I don't have a condom."

"You got me all hot and bothered for nothing?"

"You started it, Joss." he smirked.

"Help me get down,please." He did as she asked.

She took a quick glance at the room admiring the furnishing. Everything looked antique and over priced. Her glance settled on an old vinyl player in a corner of the room, she smiled wondering if there was any records to play. John watched her walk toward the vinyl player, hypnotized by the sway of her hips. Joss found a box full of vinyls, she looked through them smiling as she saw familiar names, Nate King Cole, Louis Armstrong, The Supremes...she wondered who bought them, Finch didn't look like a Motown or Jazz fan to her. She kept looking until she found the perfect one, she put it on hoping John would like it too.

"Listen to the lyrics. It's us. At least some part." John was surprised at her statement. Joss pushed down the diamond-tip on the record, the scratchy sound of the record being played broke the silence that had filled the room. She went back to him wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders pulling her tighter to him. As the masculine voice of the singer filled the room, Joss started singing the lyrics out of habit. She knew the song by heart.

"I can't fool myself, I don't want nobody else to ever love me. You are my shinin' star, my guiding light, my love fantasy. There's not a minute, hour, day or night that I don't love you..."

"Joss..."

"Yes?"

"Your voice. It's beautiful. I didn't know you could sing!"

"Thank you, there's a lot you don't know, love."

_Oh, my love_

_A thousand kisses from you is never too much_

_I just don't wanna stop_

_Oh, my love_

_A million days in your arms is never too much_

_I just don't wanna stop_

_Never too much, never too much, never too much, never too much_

"How can you still love me after everything?" He was genuinely curious to know. Joss didn't look up to meet his eyes, she knew too well what she'd see in them and she didn't want to see it.

"Why would I stop?"

"Because I'm not worth it."

"Says who, John? You're the only one thinking this."

"You could be with anyone better, why me?"

_I'd rather be with you 'cause you make my heart scream and holler_

_Love is a gamble and I'm so glad that I'm winnin'_

_We've come a long way and yet this is only the beginnin'_

_Oh, my love_

_A thousand kisses from you is never too much_

"You heard that?" she asked pointing to the antique record player.

"Yes...but..."

"That's the reason." She finally looked at him, he looked so vulnerable, so uncertain he was good enough for her. "John, I made you a promise remember? I promised I won't let you push me away. I get what you're trying to do. Diana, not wanting me to call you "baby" they're all excuses. You use them to get me to leave. But I won't so stop trying and accept the fact that I love you just the way you are."

"Why do you love me?"

"Do I need a reason?" He looked at her intently, she sigh a long sigh of resignation. If he really wanted reasons she'd give him. "You're a good man, you're selfless, you help make New York a better place, you care immensily for your friends and dispite what you think you have a huge heart full of love to give. If only you could let it receive some in return..."

"You really think that?"

"No. I know it." She broke their embrace, grabbed his hand and lead him to the huge bed. She kicked off her shoes and her pants before slipping under the sheets. "Come to bed, John."

When he settled into bed next to her, Joss snuggled close to him. If only he could see himself through her eyes maybe he would understand why she loves him. Not to mention the trust she places in him. Trust is a big deal to Carter, it's the glue which maintains everything in place. She didn't trust many people, back in the army she couldn't trust most of the men she was working with. Back then the only man she could trust was her husband, Taylor's father. When he passed she was left with no one trust or count on, beside her mother of course. She had to be self-reliant and trust her guts in both her professional and personal life. She couldn't screw up because she had Taylor to care for. She didn't let people in so naturally when her vigilante made his way into her life it was a huge surprise to her. She trusted him with every fiber of her body. She had plenty of questions for him he never seemed to be able to answer and yes it bothered her but she knew he had no choice.

Their relationship cop/vigilante was chaotic, he was a criminal with a good cause she worked hard to try and give justice to the victims and their families. She soon realized John's work prevented her and her colleagues to pick up more dead bodies and thus more cases. All in all he was helping her. With him she learned their was more to life than the good and the bad, there were areas in between, sometimes one did bad things for good reasons and you can't always fault them. That's what John had done when he gave away Moretti's safe house address to Elias, at the time Joss was too stubborn to even try to understand it's only when John brought her son back that she did. In those moments of fear and worry, she wished he would do anything in his power to save Taylor, even if "anything" meant murder, as long as Taylor was safe and alive she was good with it.

John's steady breathing indicated her he was asleep. She knew it wasn't a peaceful or deep sleep, she knew his mind was reeling turning over and over the events of the day. She tried not to stir too much in the bed as she found a more comfortable position to sleep in, the last thing she wanted was to wake him up. She studied his face for a moment, looking for any premise of a nightmare. She had quickly learned when he was in the early stages of a nightmare versus when he was completely into it and it was too late to wake him up. She had made the mistake once, she'd woke him when the nightmare had become so vivid he was shouting and grabbing her with a hand of steel. She had been gentle when waking him, trying to soothe him into a less agitated place but he woke up too suddenly at the sound of her voice and had a little fit of rage before realizing where he was. In those moments she wanted nothing more but to embrace him tightly and sing him lullabies so he could finally sleep peacefully, Joss knew they were stupid thoughts never would John allow her to smother him like that he barely like being called "baby" he wasn't about to be treated like one. When she was sure no nightmare had made their way into his pretty little head she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.

Joss had been sound asleep, she was so tired from the constant stress and the physical pain in her leg nothing would have been able to wake her. Maybe John had drifted in a deeper slumber than she had thought because none of them heard Diana living the apartment in the middle of the night.

Diana knew how and when to be discreet, moving with stealth was her forté especially at night it was as if she turned into a werecat when the sun came down, naturally she had no problem living the safe house without getting caught. She knew it was cowardly of her to live without properly saying goodbye and thanking the persons who saved her, but that's how she worked. She made up her mind, she needed to move on see what life could offer her now that her past was really history. She left a note.

* * *

Surprisingly, Joss was the first awake. She'd never really liked sleeping away from home, probably due to her past in the military yet she stayed in bed mostly because John was still asleep next to her. He rarely slept in which worried her. Since neither of their phone had buzzed she figured Finch didn't need him to work a case, Diana wasn't awake yet, there was no danger lurking around so John could sleep peacefully. She knew if she got out of bed it would wake him so she stayed, letting her mind wander. It was nearly 7am and she couldn't wait for Finch to get here and figure out what to do with Diana so she could resume her life. She missed her son terribly too and was glad she would see him this afternoon. A lot of excitement was building up inside her, she'd get to spend some much-needed quality time with her mother and her son. She wondered if she should talk about John with them or if she should wait a little longer before bringing him up. Then again they'd certainly ask her about the suit jacket she was wearing in the hospital. She decided to talk about him only if one of them asked.

"Good morning, beautiful." John's piercing blue gaze setted on her. His low voice brought her out of her musings, she smiled at him. "What time is it?"

"Something like 7am. Did you sleep well?"

"Better than most nights, did you?"

"Wasn't that bad. We should get up, Finch could arrive any minute and I'm starving." She gave him a small peck on the lips before rolling out of the bed, she was eager to start her day she had a feeling it was going to be a good one.

"How about you stay here, I'll go get us some change of clothes and some breakfast? There's nothing to eat here remember?" he was already slipping back into his suit.

"Oh...yeah. And fresh clothes would be great too, try to find something for Diana that poor girl really needs it. Oh, and bring me my jacket, please."

"You mean my jacket. Anything else?"

"Be quick."

"Don't kill her while I'm gone." He stepped out of the room.

The apartment was silent, the sun was illuminating the large living room making it look like one of those picture perfect rooms out of a magazine. He noticed the note on the coffee table almost instantly, he didn't like what it evoked. He reached for it and was about to read it when Joss interrupted him.

"Don't for-What's that?" She didn't like the look on his face, she knew something wasn't right.

"A note." he replied with a smirk.

"What does it read, John?" She hated when he was being a smartass.

"_Leaving for Orlando, I've always wanted to go to Disney World. Thanks for patching me up, saving my life and all that. Tell your girl I'm glad she gave me a chance. Love, Diana._" John read.

"So she's gone?" A small smile crept on her lips, she wiped it off quickly. John didn't seem particularly enchanted by the news but Joss could have dance on the table top. True, she had made peace with the girl but still she wasn't 100% sure she could trust her.

"It seems like it." She swung her arms around his neck standing on the tip of her toes to get to his eye level, he wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her closer.

"Hmm, I get to have you all to myself now, no more sharing." He scooped her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, he rested his forehead on hers.

"You weren't sharing me."

"Yeah, right!" She snorted.

"Talking about sharing...should I feel threatened you're trying to seduce Finch?" She jerked her head back frowning.

"What?! Why would you think that?"

"Well, you know there are cameras and still you show up in the living room half-naked." His infamous smirk was back on his face. She wanted to wipe it off with a good slap but made nothing of it.

"You had your fun, I have mine. Who knows maybe Finch enjoys the view."She unwrapped her legs from his waist and he helped her get down.

"Go get dress while I call Finch then we can go home."

Home. She'd referred to her apartment as "home" to them many times in the past, but never did he. It always was "your apartment" or "the apartment" he didn't refer to his own apartment as a home. Her heart soared with happiness. The high was temporary though, she was mostly healed, Taylor will come back home and in a week or so she will be back at work. She still hadn't talk to Taylor, she needed to formally introduce them to one an other. She had never set foot in John's apartment, she didn't even know where he lived this was part of the mystery surrounding him. Of course she was still glad he viewed her place as his home the problem was she will have to kick him out when Taylor will come back. She couldn't possibly introduce them and tell her son John is living with us now. When she came back in the living room all dressed up she overheard the last bit of conversation John had with Finch.

"...and Jocelyn Riley? I don't like it, it doesn't sound nice to me... No, these one either, Harold. I'll be there in thirty minutes."

"Got a new case?"

"Something like that. But I still have time to take breakfast with you."

"Make that a shower and breakfast and you might just be forgiven for abandoning me." a wicked smile played on her lips.

"Deal."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

_This one is a short one because last chapter was really long. _

_Did you guys watched last night's episode? OMG! I'm thinking about doing a one shot around Carter based on what happened yesterday. _

_I hope you enjoyed the update, there's not much going on in this one but big things are coming in the next one!_

___Also I'd like to say Hi to my mom who was adamant in her choice to read the smut her daughter wrote. Hi mama!_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter IX:**

"Finch."

"Mr. Reese." Harold turned his body around to greet his friend. Bear was happy to see his master back and wagged his tail to and fro with great vigor.

"Joss heard the end of our conversation. We need to be more careful when it comes to "the mission", one hint and she could figure it out."

"I know Mr. Reese which is why I requested you come here." He turned back to his computer opening a file. "Here is what I have come up with so far. You need to settle on a name so I can bring you to life."

"I'm working on it, Finch. I want to make sure the name I choose works with hers. I'm gonna take Bear for a walk and think about it."

Finch went back to work. With the virus taking its toll on The Machine they hadn't had a new number coming in, he hoped this time she wouldn't be late into delivering the precious piece of information. In the mean time he was glad to be able to help his friend building himself a new life. Joss was everything he needed, she was trustful and reliable, she could take care of herself as much as she could appreciate being taken care of as long as it wasn't too extreme. She could keep him grounded and offer him what he always wanted: a family.

After tweaking at John's new identity a little he decided to take a look at the safe house video stream. John had told him earlier Diana had left, surely during the night and he had to give her props for managing to escape John's ever-present attentiveness. Then again after the glimpse of John and Joss he'd catch despite himself he was sure it had been easier for her to leave. He went through the tapes trying to see if something had prompted Diana to leave, if someone had somehow made contact with her, if they had missed something or if she just decided to leave on her own. When he found his answer he let the video stream at a faster pace while he readied himself some tea. John and Bear should be back soon nd they will be able to work on their "mission". The Machine didn't seem pressed to deliver a new case so maybe they will get a day off out of it too.

_"Talking about sharing...should I feel threatened you're trying to seduce Finch?"_

_ "What?! Why would you think that?" _

_"Well, you know there are cameras and still you show up in the living room half-naked." _

_"You had your fun, I have mine. Who knows maybe Finch enjoys the view."_

The Machine had deliberately slowed the pace of the video for Finch to hear and watch. He knew this was nothing more but lover's banter however The Machine was determined to get an answer from Finch, did he or did he not enjoy the view? Harold was certain he had solved this sort of issue when she had first tried (and succeed) to fix him with Grace. She had been right, Grace was perfect for him no matter how thankful he had been to The Machine for pointing him toward her he wasn't about to dignify her with a response concerning Detective Carter. Finch wasn't blind he recognized Carter's beauty still he would not peek at the screen to see the detective in her bra and panties. He would have to wait for John to come back so he could delete the video himself.

The Machine was insistent, Finch didn't know if she tried to set him up with Joss or if she was picking a fight with him whichever it was she didn't like being blatantly ignored. He sat at an other computer to read over John's new persona, when the video stream opened on his screen. Of course John had chosen this precise moment to come back with Bear. When John heard Joss' voice coming from the many computers in the room and recognized the bit of conversation from hours before he shot a questioning look to a squirming Finch.

"Is there something I need to know, Harold?"

"The Machine is trying to tell me something."

"About Joss? Is she in danger?"

"No, but based on your conversation The Machine is trying to set me with her." John wasn't quite sure what to do with this information. Why was The Machine trying to be a matchmaker?

"As it ever happened before? As it tried to set you up with someone in the past?"

"Yes. Have you found a name?"

"Not yet, I want Joss to tell me what she thinks about it." Finch nodded in understanding.

"You can go home. I will call you if there's a new number. You can take Bear with you I have meetings to attend."

John didn't need to be asked twice, it was a little over 9am which meant he could spend the morning with Joss before her mother and Taylor come by. He took a car since Bear couldn't come with him on the bike. Finch's confession had him thinking during the drive. Had he met Grace because The Machine played matchmaker? Most importantly what kind of unhealthy relationship Harold had with The Machine, by the way the clip kept playing over and over it was as though It demanded explanations rather than giving its blessings. He brushed any thoughts on the matter aside when he pulled up to the curb next to Carter's building. He climbed the flight of stairs closely followed by his canine doppelgänger, he didn't have keys and he wanted to surprise her so he picked the lock to get in he knew he will be scolded for that but it was worth it.

"Honey, I'm home!" he shouted with a grin on his face.

Bear had made a beeline for the sofa too happy to finally stretch his entire body on a more comfortable surface than the pillow he had in the library, he knew too he would get scolded for it however he couldn't care less. Joss stepped out of her room eyeing John with curiosity and somewhat disbelief. He took in the sight of her, he loved seeing her in the comfort of her home, she walked around with no makeup and her hair up only this time instead of wearing her usual yoga pants and tank top she was wearing one of his crisp white shirt. He loved the contrast of the white material against her chocolate skin, he loved the way her curves kept the shirt in place. Joss wasn't tall she was of average height thus why his shirt covered most of her thighs causing flashes of the many times he'd seen her bare legs to make their way inside his head. He lost himself in thoughts of Joss' legs entwined with his, wrapped around his waist, straddling him or resting on his shoulders as he kissed her down low. So lost in fact, he hadn't heard her talking to him.

She tried to grab his attention by throwing at him the pen holding her hair, needless to say it only serve to distract him more. His eyes followed the movement of her arm as she reached for the object in her hair, her breast lifted causing the hem of the shirt to go higher up her thighs. Soon his glance went back to her legs where he could see her scar the very same one he had kissed and caressed many times those past weeks, a pinch of guilt gripped his heart although it was soon forgotten when the cascade of dark tresses framing her face caught his eye. Joss was standing hands on her hips and lips pursed in annoyance, John neglected that detail as her posture was now revealing parts of her chest and white lacy bra.

"At least try to pretend you're listening to me!" she snapped.

"Sorry, I got...distracted. What were you saying?"

"What are you doing here?" she replied annoyed.

"I missed you." he confessed with a tender voice before his features turned harsh and his voice grew cold, "But judging by your tone I guess you did not." He turned around to leave but stopped dead in his track when she shouted.

"I missed you too! I'm not annoyed to see you, I'm annoyed because I've been asking you the same question over and over but you weren't listening." He turned around with a smile on his face, it didn't stay for long.

"You better wipe that smile off your face, boy. I'm mad at you now." She went back to her room, laid back down on her bed to resume the reading she had been doing when he came.

John followed her wanting to know what he had done to aroused such a feeling in her. He stood leaning on her door with his arms crossed on his chest looking at her intently. Joss was well aware of John's presence but decided ignoring him for a few more seconds while she cooled down was the best choice. It's only when he cleared his throat that she talked.

"I'm surprised you're still here. I figured you would have left by now." She didn't bother to look at him instead she kept her glare locked on her book.

"Why would I?" She angrily threw a pillow at him which he caught effortlessly.

"I don't know John, you tell me!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"It hurts. It gives me this creeping feeling you neither trust nor love me enough to open up to me and say what is bothering you. You'd rather run from me than talk to me, is that it?"

"Neither trust nor love you enough? I trust you with my life and my heart, Joss!"

"So please, stop trying to run away when it comes down to your feelings. I'm here for you no matter what you feel and have to say about it. I will listen..." She realized he already knew that, he needed to be reassured about her feelings for him. "I will still love you, John. If you trust me as much as you claim to do, trust me when I say I will still love you."

She let out an heavy sigh patting the bed for him to come sit next to her, when he did she cupped his cheek tenderly. John leaned into her soft touch covering her hand with his and linking their fingers. He kissed her palm, the pulse on her wrist, she held her breath in anticipation of what's to come. When his fingertips ran ever so slightly on the bare skin of her leg she bit her lip to keep the urge to jump his bones at bay. She couldn't indulge in her primal needs now, not when she had much to do before her mother and Taylor came over.

"I thought you were working a case?" John set his vibrant blue gaze on her.

Joss felt herself melting from the lust burning her core, she had to distract him someway or another. He kicked off his shoes to lay between her legs resting his head on her stomach, one of his hand slipped under her shirt caressing the soft skin at her hip while the other held her hand, fingers entwined. She sighed happily. This man had turned her world upside down, she didn't know how, she didn't know why but she was glad it happened. Every second she spent with him she cherished, even the ones she'd spent mad at him. She was always in such control of her life she felt slightly disoriented at the raw emotions she felt. Love, anger, hurt sometimes, happiness all of these were burnt in her heart, all of these she felt toward him or because of him. It was crazy, it was messy yet she wouldn't have it any other way.

"I am, she needs a new identity and we have no idea what name to give her." He lied hoping she wouldn't bust him. If she saw through his lie the surprise would be ruined.

"The woman you were talking about with Finch?" she picked up her book. John needed to think and she knew he wouldn't move off her unless she asked him to, and she didn't want that. She still had a few minutes to spare before putting on clothes of her own and cook some lunch for her mother and her son.

"Yes. You share the same name, maybe you could help?" She lowered her book to look at him.

"How?"

"If you had to change name what would you choose?"

"Yours." She thought aloud. It unconsciously slipped her mouth, her voice was soft and low almost like a whisper.

It took her several seconds to process what she'd said, her body tensed and she chastised herself inwardly. He smiled kissing the skin that picked through the gaps of his shirt she was wearing.

"I can't give her my name, I'm a walking dead man. Plus, you'd kill me if I did." He joked trying to get her to relax but she was still tense.

Joss slowly registered what his statement meant for them. For her. She was positive she was becoming crazy, they've been dating for a few weeks and twice already she mentioned marriage in a not so subtile way. Each time it caught her of guard, each time John's view on the matter remained unclear. She certainly didn't want to push him but she would like to know if he had thought about it.

"Guess you'll have to come up with something else, Joss."

"I don't know, John. Don't you guys have ideas?"

"We thought about Jocelyn Riley. I don't think it sounds good." His voice was sleepy.

"I think it has a nice ring to it."

"Yeah? Will go with that one then." He yawned.

Carter reached for her phone on her nightstand, it was 10am, she still had time to spend with John before lunch. More precisely she still had time to enjoy being John's pillow while she reads. The man had such an hectic schedule he barely could catch some sleep and when he did he didn't sleep that well between the nightmares and the calls from Finch to go back to work. But now he was with her, back in their bubble, she would make sure he sleeps and is not disturbed. She picked up her burner phone and called Finch.

"Is everything alright, Detective?"

"Yes. If your source give you a new case can you pass it on to Fusco?"

"Of course. Is John okay?"

"He's just tired. Before I forget, John settled on a name for your current Person of Interest, he approves of Jocelyn Riley."

"Thank you, Detective. I am sure Mr. Reese appreciates you helping him." He hung up before Carter could say anything.

* * *

Carter didn't know how it happened. Maybe it was the silence in the apartment or perhaps the warmth of John's body against hers or even his steady breathing, maybe all of the above had played a role into soothing her to sleep. John needed the rest, he wasn't surprised he had fallen asleep. However what surprised him was the way they had been awake, they didn't know how long they had dozed off. Bear was barking and growling guarding the bedroom, blocking the path through the open door, sign that someone he didn't know had come in which meant potential danger. Both John and Joss grabbed their fire arms ready to defend themselves against the intruder. They imagined plenty of different scenarios but what was waiting for them in the living room they were definitely not prepared for.

John was the first to rush out of the room. He came to an abrupt stop when he realized who the "intruders" were. He looked at the teenager with shock widened eyes, the boy mirrored is gaze. When John looked over at the woman accompanying Taylor he first noticed her eyes, the same as Joss', except hers were clearly tainted by fear and astonishment. Joss followed close behind him and bumped into him when he stopped so suddenly. John tucked his gun at his waist motioning for Bear to stay put. In a second the dog was back on the couch, observing the scene playing in front of him. Joss stepped out off behind John to see what was going on in her apartment. John took her gun away from her hand and went to set it on her nightstand leaving Joss standing alone like meat to the inquisitive eyes of her mother and son.

Taylor turned to his grandmother, the look on her face was familiar and he knew he had to find an excuse to get out of here. He looked back at his mother, she looked like a little girl caught stealing in a candy store. He had never seen her mother so embarrass and nervous. A thick and heavy silence invaded the room. John came back, wrapping a robe around Joss' shoulders which she gladly put on and tied securely regaining a bit of her composure. Taylor and John exchanged a look of understanding. They needed to leave the room and let daughter and mother talk.

"You need help with these?" John asked Taylor, pointing to the bags of takeout he was carrying.

"Yeah, they're kinda heavy." Judging by the smirk on both his mother and grandmother's faces it was safe to say they knew he was lying. John took the bag Taylor was handing him and followed him to the kitchen. Where they stood they could easily listen in on what was being said.

"It was about time." Taylor took the boxes of food out of the red and white bag he had set on the counter.

"What was about time?"

"You and mom got together. You are together, right?" He turned around to meet John's eyes. The look on Taylor's face was so hopeful John didn't know if he should be the one to discuss this with him.

"Would you like that?"

"Yeah...I mean, I've never seen her this...happy." He turned back around and resumed taking the boxes of food out of the bag. "We saw you when we came in, you know before Cujo tried to kill us." John chuckled.

"His name's Bear. I have him watch over your mom when I'm working." Taylor shook his head in disbelief.

"She lets you do that?"

"Let's say she tolerates it." They both laughed a loud rumble.

* * *

Joss was nervous, she wanted to introduce John to her mother and Taylor in a more formal manner, one that involved more clothes on her part for example. Her mother looked at her with a huge smile displayed on her face. Finally her baby girl allowed herself to be happy. She suspected there was a man in her life one other than this Cal she had dated. A man to make her happy.

"Do you ever wear clothes of your own, Jocelyn? Or do you a closet with your mystery man?" Twice she'd been caught in John's clothes by her son and her mother. She decided to ignore her mother's question.

"I'm sorry about Bear, mom, John has him around to protect me."

"So his name is John?" Joss couldn't help the huge grin that crept on her face at the mention of John's name. Her mother noticed it too. "He makes you happy?"

"Yes. Very happy."

"Has Taylor met him?"

"Once although I wish it would have been in better circumstances..."

"He's the man who brought Taylor back safely?" she nodded. "Is this something serious?"

"Yes, I love him. I'm in love with him. It's crazy, right? I don't even know what Taylor think of it." At this moment they heard a burst of laughter coming from the kitchen.

"Looks like everything is fine." Her mother smiled.

Taylor and John came out of the kitchen with plates full of food. Bear got down of the couch to sleep in Joss' room. They put the plates on the coffee table for everyone to sit and eat. Joss motioned for John to come over.

"John meet my mother, Lauren. Mom, meet my boyfriend John." He smiled at Lauren and shook her hand.

"You hurt my daughter and you'll have to respond to me and the young man behind you. Got it?"

"Yes ma'am."

They sat down to eat. The atmosphere was bubbly, everyone had something to say, they laughed a lot. Joss was happy to be surrounded by her family, she wished they could do this a lot more in the future maybe bring in Harold and even Fusco. For a moment she stayed silent watching Taylor and John crack jokes while her mother slipped food to a more than happy Bear. She watched as her living room was lively, the two most important men in her life were getting along very well Taylor had found in him a buddy to play video games with.

Joss sat silently for a while with a smile on her face. She loved the scene unfolding before her. She loved to hear her mother and John exchange tricks to make fluffier pancakes, it was surreal to her. She loved watching her son trying to get Bear to do tricks. She loved hearing John's laugh feel the room, she loved seeing him all smile and relaxed. She hadn't touch much of her plate too busy memorizing each words uttered, each gestures gestured, each laughs and smiles as they happened to care for food. She wanted to remember this moment forever. Taylor's hand on her shoulder brought her out of her musings.

"You okay mom?" he asked concerned.

"Yes, baby, I am." She smiled. Gosh, he was so big now, where did the time go? He was closer to adulthood than childhood, in a few years he will be going to college.

"I like him, he's cool."

"I'm glad you do. You don't mind him sticking around?"

"Mom, we both know he was "sticking around" when I was at grandma's. If Bear stays, it's cool." she laughed.

John excused himself and went to the bedroom to answer his call. Carter excused herself too and followed him wanting to know what was going on, she'd ask Finch to call Fusco to work the case, she hoped nothing bad happened. She closed the door behind her and waited for him to finish his conversation. His voice was harsh, his blue eyes metallic with rage. She didn't like the attitude he was adopting. He turned around not wanting to look at her while he finished his call. She wrapped her arms around his waist resting her head on his back, he relaxed almost instantly to her touch. She could feel his hand on hers, his thumb gently caressing her skin.

"You have to go, don't you?" he turned to face her. He kissed her passionately overwhelming her every senses.

"Yes. I don't know how long I will be gone, it seems to be a tricky case."

"Be careful, okay?"

* * *

John rushed out of the apartment and drove the car to the address Finch gave him. He had eyes on the small family he had to protect. They squatted a ruined building with no running water and no electricity in Harlem. The mother, Natacha Tchekeiskov had bruises on her arms and face, courtesy of the meeting she had with a particularly violent messenger. She was heavily pregnant too, she could give birth at any moment and Reese would have a new life to protect, a much more fragile life to protect. The father, Boris Tchekeiskov had a black eye and a broken arm courtesy of the same violent messenger. John supposed the assailant had been easier on Natacha because she was pregnant.

This case announced itself difficult. The parents didn't speak a word of English, Reese did not speak Russian. Back when he was a CIA operative, Cara took care of the conversations, most of the time by shooting a bullet straight to someone's head. He couldn't go inside the building to put mics and cameras, he would be seen as a threat by the occupants plus since he couldn't understand a damn thing of what they were saying it would not help to bug the place. The only person he could reach to try and gain their trust was their precious daughter Laoula which of course would be a complicated thing considering he looked rather menacing in his somber suit and a gun. John didn't have many options, the clock was ticking, The Machine had been late to deliver their names, again.

He would have to make do with what he had, and what he had was nothing. No valuable piece of information to help him understand what he was supposed to protect them from or why. All he knew was four lives were in danger. John sat in the car for hours waiting for Laoula to make an appearance, he needed to talk to her and convice her to trust him in order for her to convince her parents to trust him too. He had no idea how this could potentially work, no person in their right mind would trust him from the get go especially not a fourteen year-old who'd witnessed her parents getting beat up not long ago.

After hours of waiting he spotted her walking at a relatively fast pace. He got out of the car and went after her, once they were near a covered alley he yanked her arm and pushed her against the brick wall his hand covering her mouth. She was frightened and tried to wiggle out of his hold. John set his hypnotizing gaze on her and she seemed to calm down, even though tears were heavily pouring on her porcelain skin. John uncovered her mouth hoping she wouldn't scream and let him explain what was going on.

"I'm not going to hurt you." she looked at him, tears still pouring from her light blue eyes.

"I know. You're not one of them or you'd have kill me."

"I'm here to help you. I need you to tell me everything you know about the men going after your family so I can protect you."

"It's too late, sir. They're on their way."

"Then we will leave, I will find you a safe place with all the comfort you need. Water, electricity, food you name it." She nodded.

Laoula had seen so many evil person in her short life, she knew the man standing in front of her was good. Her parents will have to trust her as she trusted him. She took John's hand and pulled him out of the alleyway toward the ruined building she lived in. His hand was warm, a warmth she welcomed since she was freezing. She started to run and he followed right away, running at her pace. Once in the building she asked him to stay out of sight while she convinced her parents to follow her. About half an hour later, Laoula came back with her parents, they were jumpy and still not sure they could trust the man but John tried to be reassuring. He escorted them to the car making sure no one was following them and he called Finch so he could arrange a safe house out of New York yet still remotely close. Finch indicated him an address in Newark on Highland Avenue.

It was late in the afternoon when they arrived at the safe house. Laoula explained to her parents they will stay there until the Man In The Suit catches the man who was trying to get them killed. She helped her parents settle in one of the room before coming back to the living room where John sat in what had to be the biggest couch she'd ever seen. She pulled a chair from the dinning table and sat facing him. She had many questions to ask him, so many she didn't know where to start. The most obvious would to ask him his name but she had a feeling he would not tell her his real one. The next obvious question would be to ask how he found out they were in trouble and why did he want to help them.

"Why are you helping us?" she finally managed to ask.

"Because it's my job."

"How did you know we needed help?"

"A close source of mine informed my boss."

"So there is two of you?"

"He looks for the informations and I do the job sometimes I get help from two trusted persons." the answer seemed to satisfy her for the moment.  
John was amazed and surprised at how quickly she was willing to trust him. Not that he would complain she made it easier for him to protect them, still he felt compelled to know.

"How did you figure I wasn't one of the bad guys?"

"You're not like them. You could have hurt me just pulling me in the alley but you did not. You yanked me with enough force for me to follow but not hard enough to hurt me. And when I hit the wall you checked me for injuries worried you may have caused some." John was impressed by her observational skills.

"You mentioned food earlier." John pointed to an array of takeout menus on the table. She looked at him bemused not sure what she was supposed to do with them.

"Choose what you want to eat." she furrowed her brows. She picked the pile of paper and read through them. She found a menu for a Russian restaurant and handed it to John.

They ordered food for what seemed to be a village and waited for Finch and Fusco to show up. John had explained to Laoula who they were and how she could trust them. She was glad to know someone will be staying with her parents while she'll get to shop for clothes and other necessities. The food arrived before Finch and Fusco to Laoula's excitement. She hadn't ate a real meal in over a week if not more. Her parents were too afraid to come downstairs so she had to bring them food in the room they choose to occupied. She used this opportunity to explain she will be leaving to get food and clothes for all of them and the baby who was soon to come.

John used this opportunity to call Carter. She had been worried about him and he missed her. He needed to tell her he loved her, for the first time since he started to work the numbers he had a really bad gut feeling. Something was going to go extremely wrong he knew it, his instinct screamed at him to leave while he could still make it out in one piece. Not that he thought he was going to die, no he had a feeling The Machine had gave them their numbers too late and he will not be able to save all of them. He thought hearing Joss' voice would help him pull through. He dialled her burner phone and she answered on the first ring.

"John?" her voice was soft yet he could hear the nuances of worry in it.

"I'm fine, don't worry." she let out a sigh of relief. She too had had a bad gut feeling when she heard him on the phone with Finch earlier. She was sure something bad was going to happen, something that would changer their lives forever.

"How is the case?"

"I don't want to talk about it. I just want to hear your voice." his statement shook something in her.

She didn't know if he lied when he said he was fine and something had happened to him or if the case was so difficult he thought it might be the last one. She suddenly felt nauseous at the idea it could be the last time she talks to him. She felt tears feel her eyes and tried her best to keep them at bay or at least not burst into a loud sob. She needed to be strong for him, so he wouldn't be distracted and make a fatal mistake along the way. She swallowed the lump in her throat, she sensed she needed to lighten up the mood a little, give him something to look forward to because she knew he felt the same way as her. That's why he called, just in case something happens he would have said goodbye.

"Taylor really likes you. He kept asking questions about you, my mother was impressed too. She kept talking about how handsome you are."

"Taylor is a good kid, you did a great job of raising him, Joss..." He heard footsteps coming from the stairs. "I have to go. I love you."

"I love you too." He hung up.

Laoula sat back on the chair she had claimed since they arrived. She picked up her fork and started digging in her plate. On she was satiated she patted her stomach and stretched a little. Harold and Lionel arrived a few minutes after. Laoula introduced them to her parents who felt a little more at ease with the two less statuesque characters than they were with John.

John and Laoula stepped out to make some much needed shopping. They bought clothes for the family, went on to buy some food not knowing exactly how long they were going to stay in the safe house. John hoped Finch would let them live in here after everything is over. They bought food and clothes, in neutrals colors since they didn't know the sex of the baby, they bought a crib too, the child could enter this world at any moments now. On the parcking of the mall, John received a call.

"Mr. Reese?" Finch's voice was shaky

"What's going on, Harold?"

"It's Ms. Tchekeiskov it seems like she is going into labor. We can't take her to an hospital and Dr. Tillman can't come here."

"What am I supposed to do, Finch?"

"I need you to go at the address I'll text you and ask for Dr Gabriella Gutierez. She is in need of 800 000 dollars to pay off her debts, convince her to follow you without asking questions and I'll transfer the money to her account."

"You want me to kidnap her?" Yeah, Joss will love to hear about him kidnapping and bribing someone.

"I'm afraid if no other means succeed you may have to. Just be quick Mr. Reese." as thought to back up his demand John heard the loud scream coming from Natacha.

It had been so loud Laoula turned around to look at him, now wasn't the time for her to assume anything wrong. Her eyes widened before her mother's scream were cut short when John hung up.

"What are they doing to my mother?" she asked angry, her fists closed.

"She is going into labor, we need to get to a doctor fast." her features soften and for the first time since they had met John saw a fourteen year-old girl standing in front of him. She looked innocent, lost and scared.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter X:**

"Dr. Gutierez?"

"Yes, who are you?"

"I need your assistance, no questions asked. I'll pay you enough for you to erase your debts."

"What? Who are you?"

"I don't have time to play 20 questions, the clock's ticking." John pushed his coat and suit jacket away from him to show just enough of his gun strapped at his waist, she nodded and followed him to the car.

In less than 10 minutes they were at the safe house, they showed Dr. Gutierez where to find the expecting mother and stood behind the bedroom door has she delivered the baby. Natacha had a beautiful and healthy little girl. Gabriella Gutierez swore she wouldn't say a word about their encounter, she was even more inclined to keep it shut when she saw the amount of money that was transferred to her account. Natacha had drifted to sleep, a peaceful and eternal one, unfortunately the mother had been so weak from the lack of sleep, the malnutrition and the beating she received a few days before she gave up on her own life. Boris was miserable, he refused to leave his dead wife's side for a good hour. Laoula stayed strong, the fourteen year-old girl he'd seen in her had disappeared for good this time, she took on the role of mother for her new-born sister. She hadn't shred a tear. She cradled her sister, singing to her Russian lullabies. She fed her, wrapped her in a blanket, cared for as though it was her own. John and Fusco had built the crib and the baby could sleep peacefully into a comfortable bed.

Laoula looked after her father, he was still breathing but very much like his wife he was dead inside.

Fusco took Natacha's lifeless body to bury her once the night would fall. John couldn't deal with the situation, Finch had assured him there's nothing he could have done but it didn't change John's mood. Once her father ended up passing out from crying too much and once her unnamed sister was asleep Laoula came down to the living room. She sat on her chair and looked in the distance. She remained silent, she didn't move, she just sat there staring into nothing. Finch's heart broke to see the poor girl acting like a robot to keep the remaining pieces of her life in place. No one knew what to tell her. She didn't know what to say either. She spent hours sitted on the chair not uttering a word. The only time she moved were to check on her newborn sister.

Finch didn't want to leave John alone in the house, he knew how unstable he could be and even though John would never do anything to endanger the numbers that didn't mean he wouldn't go back to the dark place him and Joss had managed to partially pull him out of. Fusco needed to conceal Natacha's body and help Finch find the identity of the men who wanted the Tchekeiskovs dead. The only option he had been to call Joss. John will hate him for it, he'll most certainly try to kill him too but he needed to be sure someone will be here to support him. He dialed her burner phone and she answered on the first ring.

"Finch?" She knew it was him, John wouldn't call again.

"Yes, Detective, is Taylor with you?" A thousand thoughts ran through her mind. Why did he want to know? Were the news so bad he thought

she'd need support?

"No he is with my mother. Why?" The bad feeling she had earlier was more persistent. She could feel a distinct knot in her stomach and the urge to throw up was overwhelming. Taylor had decided to leave with his grandmother to let her enjoy one last night alone with John.

"Can you come at the safe house? I will send you a chauffeur." Something in Finch voice set off every alarm in her body. Something really bad happened.

"I'm packing a bag right now." he thanked her and hung up. He didn't explain anything, John needed to talk and he knew Joss will be the one to make him do so.

John was pacing back and forth angrily in the living room. He needed something to do, something to busy himself before he lost his sanity. He couldn't drink because he was on the job, he couldn't shoot anything because he couldn't risk drawing attention to them. If he was honest with himself what he wanted more than anything was to run home into Joss' arms. Laoula finally spoke.

"They are coming for us. Protect my sister. My father will surrender and I won't be able to care for her." John stopped and locked his icy glare on hers.

"They are not coming they don't know who you are."

"They know. They know everything." she sighed. John didn't understand.

"You know who they are?"

"Former spies, they worked with my father. It's just a matter of time now."

"I will protect you."

Laoula got up and left in the bedroom next to her father's. She knew something was going to happen, they had always managed to find them, until few weeks ago whenever they asked to her father to work with them he always said yes. For some reasons three weeks ago he decided he was definitely done with spying for them. They warned him many times but her father never listened, he was sure he could protect them, turns out he held too much information thus was considered a potential threat to the crew. They had come after her family many times but her father was stubborn he still wouldn't work for them anymore. Now her mother was dead she would have to run away with her father, they would have to abandon her sister because they would never be able to care for her. When her mother had been pregnant they considered abortion knowing they would never be able to raise her in a proper environment, Natacha heard stories of woman who couldn't have kids here in New York she decided the best thing to do was to give her up for adoption, that's why her sister had no name. They never allowed themselves to care enough to name her.

* * *

The sun had set a while ago, it was dark and gloomy outside the stars were covered by thick dark clouds. The chauffeur pulled up in front of the safe house, Joss climbed out of the town car and slung her bag over her shoulder. The bad feeling she'd been having all day was virulent now, she climbed the three steps leading to the door feeling sicker at each step she took. She took a moment to compose herself, if she let John know she was worried he would get too distracted she certainly did not want that. Once her heart rate steadied itself and she stopped trembling she knocked on the door being careful to announce herself. She heard the footsteps of someone rapidly making their way to the door. She guessed it was John, it had to be John. The door flung open, he didn't give her time to react he locked his lips on hers cupping her face. His kiss was sloppy and needy, it conveyed distress. The act carried no sense of romance whatsoever, John who was usually so gentle, so caring with her was now rough and aggressive.

He tried slipping his tongue in her mouth several times but always he was greeted by a wall of teeth. She wasn't enjoying the kiss, she wasn't sure she could call it a kiss. They had kissed many time and his kisses were nothing like this. This, whatever it was, wasn't driven by love or lust but by fear. It wasn't made for her to enjoy, it was a selfish act destined to help him cope with his dark feelings. She tried pushing him away but he didn't want to let go of her, he wrapped his powerful hands around her wrists with more strength than needed, she whimpered at the pain she felt when his fingers dug into her soft kiss. Normally John would have unhand her, would have asked in concern if he'd hurt her, he would have told her he was sorry and she would see remorse on his face but John wasn't himself, he didn't care he'd hurt her or at least he didn't show it. He tried slipping his tongue inside her mouth again and this time she bit him, hard enough for him to snap out of his trance but not hard enough to hurt him too bad.

John jerked away from her, releasing his hold. He hated himself for the way he treated her. When he heard knocking on the door he was ready for a fight, but when he heard her voice through the thick wooden door, when he realized the one thing he wanted more than anything else in this moment was here for him, he had lost control. He practically run to the door, his mind had tried to convince him it couldn't be, it was nothing but a dream, a work of imagination. She wasn't here for him, it couldn't be. But when he opened the door she was standing there, looking at him with soft eyes. That's when he lost it. He kissed her, or tried to, he selfishly needed to touch her and feel her lips on his, it didn't matter if she wanted it or not. His mind was cluttered by so many dark thoughts he didn't take the time to be nice and gentle. This was goodbye, a way for him to get her to understand he was afraid something would happen to him so she would know and run away from him this way maybe it wouldn't hurt as much when he dies. All day he had this bad feeling. He knew Death so well he could easily feel it in the air. And now the air was thick and un inviting.

The pain from the sharp and firm pinch of her teeth lingered on his tongue. He deserved it. The bad feeling Joss had only increased after John's impetuous display of vulnerability, something wasn't right. Something happened and broke a piece of him, she knew it. They stood on the narrow porch in an awkward silence avoiding each other's gaze for what seemed an eternity. It was only when a downpour of ice old rain caught them of guard that Joss decided to speak.

"Aren't you gonna invite me in?"

John stepped aside showing her the way she entered the house followed by John. As usual she wondered just how much money Finch had. She followed him into the living room, she took off her coat and set it on a nearby chair along with her bag. John looked at her, she was still wearing his shirt paired with dark tight fitting jeans and flat black studded boots. He liked the way Carter dressed when she wasn't working, it was much more feminine and casual. Joss caught him staring at her appreciatively, she was relieved to see the love and the warmth back in his gorgeous blue eyes. She wrapped her arms around his waist resting her head on his chest but he didn't return the touch. His arm stayed dangling at his sides.

"Sorry I bit you." She let go of her hold, he obviously wasn't going to respond to her touch.

"Don't be. I'm the one who is sorry."he wasn't looking at her. She rested her hand on his cheek in an attempt to get him to look at her.

"John, what happened?"

He proceeded to tell her everything. She reassured him, telling him he shouldn't blame himself there was nothing he could have done to save Natacha. She inquired about the rest of the family. John assured her they were all sound asleep, he had check on them, though he had a feeling the little girl would wake up soon to eat. John had pulled a chair out to sat on it, Joss stood next to him her arm around his shoulders his arm around her waist. He leaned his head against her stomach and she ran her fingers through his hair, murmuring comforting words. When she ran out of comforting words to tell she started humming, rocking him slightly. She didn't realize she was doing it. So many times before she had fought the urge to hold him and sing him lullabies that now her unconscious took control of the situation. John didn't seem to mind behind cared for this way, as long as she was not going to feed him or tuck him into bed he was fine with the humming and rocking.

They had to part ways when the little girl started crying. John went upstairs talk to Laoula about Joss and convinced her to go back to sleep while he takes care of the baby. She needed to be well rested for the long interrogation she'd have to face in the morning. He needed answers to a whole lot of questions so he could protect them properly. He came back downstairs with a crying baby. He went straight to the kitchen to prepare her a bottle. Never would John have thought he would experience late night feedings, he wished it had been under other circumstances though. He wished it had been with a daughter of his own.  
Joss joined him in the kitchen, she leaned against the counter watching him with the unnamed little girl. A slight pang of pain washed over her when she remembered the night she'd thought she was pregnant and later John's confession about his want to help her raise the child. She remembered the way he acted with baby Layla but now seeing him with a newborn cradled in his powerful arms, seeing his fatherly side she wanted nothing more but to have his child. She watched him while he was feeding her, she was hypnotized but the simplicity of the scene. Simple and John Reese didn't go together.

"I wanted to have a child." Joss took notice of the past tense.

"Not anymore?"

"I still do."

"Is that why you wanted to help me when...you know?"

"Yes..." He brought his focus back on the girl in his arms.

Joss thought about what she should say next. Were they ready for this kind of conversation? They had been together for a few weeks wasn't it moving to fast? She already alluded to marriage twice despite herself was it wise to talk about babies? There were a lot to take into consideration, the first being Taylor, sure he was thrilled to know John and her were "a thing" as he put it but it's something else to add a baby to the equation. The second thing to take in consideration would be her profession, she was a homicide detective she already didn't spend as much time with her son as she wished to she couldn't add an other child to the mix plus John's job wasn't exactly something with flexible hours. She was in her early forties which meant more risks during a pregnancy not to mention her mother wasn't getting any younger she couldn't ask her to take care of a baby at any given time. John made his way back to the living room stopping to kiss Joss on the temple. In the other room he paced back and forth trying to burp the baby. Joss couldn't help but smile, it was surreal.

John kept his eyes locked on Carter, he remembered the night she thought she was pregnant, he wanted to know what she really had been scared of that night. Had she been scared of being pregnant or of raising the child of a dead man alone? Maybe both. He wanted to know if she ever thought about having a child with him after all she thought about marriage why not about kids? The little girl fell asleep and he went to put her back in her crib. He came back to an empty room, her bag and coat had disappeared from the chair they once occupied. Had she left? Rummaging noises came from the kitchen which answered his question. He joined her.

"I'm brewing vervain, you need to relax." When she reached for the cupboard John caught a glimpse of the bruise that formed around her wrist.

"I'm sorry! Does it hurt?"

"Does what hurt?" what in the blue hell was he talking about? He pointed to her wrist, she hadn't notice the bruise until now. "No. It doesn't."

"I don't know what came over me."

"Oh, I know, you were driven by fear. I know what it's like."she sighed, "It's gonna be alright."

It was as though she'd spoken magic words. John seemed to relax under her gaze. He was relieved to know she wasn't mad at him, better yet she understood. She didn't need to voice how she knew how he felt, they both knew it's the way it had been with Cal Beecher. Joss needed something to distract her, the bad feeling she had felt the entire day was still creeping, clinging to her and if she dared thinking about it, it was getting stronger by the minute. Still she refused to speak up about her feelings to her man in the suit. She looked over at him, her eyes roaming his entire body, she wanted to remember everything about him, just in case. She was very aware of John doing the same. Several worst case scenarios played in her head, she felt her eyes begin to water and tried her hardest to keep the tears unshed. Her many efforts to do so were never rewarded.

The kettle whistled and she mentally thanked whatever force took pity on her and gave her a distraction. She turned around quickly as silent tears started to fall. She tried to focus as best she could with her blurred vision, on pouring the boiling hot water on the vervain leaves in the tea-pot. She was so focused on her task she hadn't heard him behind her, she jumped slightly at his touch. She sat the kettle on the wooden counter top, he put his hands on her shoulders carefully planting a kiss on her head. This kiss had nothing to do with the sloppy aggressive attempt he'd made earlier. This one was full of love and caring, he kissed her this way when he wanted to reassure her or protect her from intangible harm. When her tears dried she turned to face him. His ordinary vibrant blue eyes were dull, his usual smirk was nowhere in sight instead in its place was a sad smile, he had no smart-ass comment to make all of which disarmed her.

"It's gonna be alright..." she repeated this time more as a mean to convince herself than to reassure him. It had to be alright.

"I love you, Joss."

He pulled her into a kiss, this time it wasn't rushed and needy but sensual, passionate and slow, his tongue gentle on hers. She didn't fight for control, she didn't want to. When he broke the kiss to steady his breathing, Joss found herself weak in the knees. Not sure she could trust her legs to carry her she leaned heavily against John's chest and he held on to her tight. Joss could feel his burgeoning desire pressing firmly into her stomach.

"How many bedroom in there?"

"Four."

"How many occupied?"

"Two."

"Cameras?"

"No." He grabbed her hand locking his fingers with hers and started walking with great purpose to the bedroom downstairs.

* * *

Lust and fear. Those were the two feeling driving them. Both had surrendered their precious control to lust and fear. Their lips were demanding, avid to taste the other. Joss sucked a little on his tongue, a way of making amends for biting him earlier. Nothing was romantic in their make out session. Eager to get started John ripped out the buttons on the white shirt she was wearing, she gasped at the cold air she felt on her bare skin before gasping again at the warmth of John's breath tickling her neck. His tongue darted out, sucking on her earlobe, nipping on the sensitive skin. He went back to her lips before licking and kissing his way down her throat, she dug her teeth in her lower lip not wanting to make too much noise afraid she'd wake someone up. Her lack of vocal action only fueled John now determined to get a sound of satisfaction past her plump lips. His face still buried in her neck he backed her against the wall, unbuttoning her pants and parting her legs just enough with his knee.

Her breath intake was faster, the quick rise and fall of her chest distracted him. He didn't want to waste time undressing her, he wanted her to come now. He slid her bra strap off her shoulder to free her breast from its lacy prison. The sight of her perfectly peaked dark chocolate mount, shot a high dose of endorphins in his bloodstream, he latched on it sucking and nibbling with dexterity. He liked the sharp intake of breath she took, he loved the way she fiercely yanked off his suit jacket, he adorned the she fist his hair but he hated the way she remained silent. John quickly examined her face, it wasn't like Joss to be this silent, he wanted her to moan and scream and whimper but she was fighting it. Every time she was close to let out a loud moan or cry his name she'd close her eyes and bite her lip. He was more than ever determined to send her over the edge, he made it his mission to make her scream louder than ever before.  
He sucked on her breast with force causing her to arch her back pushing her breast further into his mouth. He took this opportunity to slid two fingers inside her at a rather fast pace. Once she was close to her release , and seeing as she wasn't about to voice her pleasure, John stopped everything to look at her. Joss sighed in exasperation, she was so close, she opened her eyes to be greeted by a smirk on John's gorgeous visage. What the hell?

"Why'd you stop?" her breathing was scattered.

"You didn't seem to enjoy." he put his hands on the wall on either sides of her, deliberately leaving a gap between them.

She furrowed her brows, it had been a long time since John saw that crease above her perfectly arched brow. He ran his thumb on it trying to smooth it out, she smiled at the gesture, it wasn't the first time he'd done it but she always found it adorable.

"What in the world make you think that?"

"Your lack of enthusiasm."

"My lack of enthusiasm? What, do you want me to cheer?"

"Something like that."

"John, there's a teenager and a baby sleeping above our heads..." she trailed off curious of what John was doing.

He discarded his shirt and undershirt, he was looking at her with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. What was he going to do now? He kneeled to take her shoes off, then reached for her pants and panties, he slowly pulled them down being carefull to always look into her eyes. She stepped out of her pants and he threw them somewhere behind him. He lifted her leg for her to rest it on his shoulder, he kissed his way up from her calf to her thigh. He was so close to where she wanted him to be. She felt the warm wetness of his tongue playing with her bundle of nerves, the sensation sent an electric shock through her body, her back arched instantly so much so only her shoulders remained pinned to the wall, she ran her hand through John's hair pulling a little as the wave of desire hit her and she had to bite her finger to keep herself from screaming aloud. She was so close.

John reached for her hands and held them in place behind her back with one hand while the other pinned her hips to the wall. If her hands were out of the way she wouldn't have much choice, she would have to scream his name. His tongue worked its magic until a strong orgasm left her panting and trembling. She managed not to scream but she did whisper his name, he could do with that. With her head still buzzing from her orgasm John turned her around, she laid her palms on the wall as he bent her over just enough for him to go deep inside her. He thrust swiftly into her, as deep as she would allow him to, finally she was back to her vocal self. He loved to hear her voice but by far his favorite sound was of her moaning his name in delight and anticipation, it served his ego right. When she was on the edge again he thrust faster, her wall tightened around his shaft and he couldn't wait anymore. He emptied himself inside her.

* * *

There were still a few hours left before dawn but Carter wouldn't sleep. Her bad gut feeling was still present. John was deep in his slumber, he fell asleep his head on her stomach while his finger was soothingly tracing the vine of her tattoo. That was there thing, whenever they were next to each other and John was thinking he had to outline one of her tattoos with his fingers. It had become a sort of ritual. She didn't know why he was so fond of her tattoo but she liked the attention. Her husband never really liked them, and Cal flat out hated them, which she hadn't mind because only one person's opinion mattered on the subject. And he loved them. The sound of the front door being yanked and picked brought her out of her musings. Someone was trying to break into the house. She had her gun and her badge so she would be able to arrest anyone if needed but she needed to wake John up first.

"John.."  
"I know. Go upstairs to protect them, especially the baby, I gave my words to Laoula." she nodded. She didn't like what was happening. They got up and got dressed as silently as they could. They got out of the room and he kissed her before she went upstairs. This one she knew was a goodbye kiss.

"Finch, someone is trying to break in."

"Mr Reese, I have eyes on the culprits. They are at least five of them. I'm calling detective Fusco"

"Thank you, Harold." And he knew, this wasn't thank you, this was goodbye.

When the former Russian spies eventually managed to get in, they engaged in a fierce battle. Five men against one. After a while he knocked two of them unconscious. The spies could have killed him easily but he wasn't interesting to them. Two men attacked him, punches, kicks he took some in the face and the ribs but retaliated with the double or triple. A third one was unconscious. They all had a special training, it was hard for John to keep up with the two remaining whom were taller and stronger than him. One of his assailant sneaked on him and hit him behind the head with the cross of his gun. They were tired of playing the fighting game, it was time for results.

Upstairs Joss was trying to keep everyone calm, she walked to the stairs to try and see if she could help John, she couldn't have a clear shot and he was in a bad predicament. She felt sick to her stomach but she needed to stay focused on how to help the Tchekeiskovs to get away alive. When she went back to the room, Laoula was in a heated conversation with her father, it was in Russian so she had no chance to understand a word they were saying. Boris pointed to the baby and Laoula said John's name, Boris nodded relief caressed his face for the briefest of seconds before the mask of fear he wore hardened on his face. Joss wanted to know what was going on, she needed to know in order to protect them. Laoula picked up her sister wrapped her in a blanket and put her in a big wooden basket in the room closet. Joss watched her with attention.  
Boris was behind her, but she didn't pay much attention to this detail, he had been pacing the room back and forth like a maniac since he'd known the spies were here. Maybe her cop instinct was failing her, maybe the constant thoughts about John had distracted her to the point she couldn't do her job properly or, maybe the distress in Laoula's action toward her baby sister had pulled so harshly on her maternal cord she temporarily lost the soldier in her.

"Why are you putting your sister in the closet?" Laoula looked at her, tears spoiling her beautiful face.

"I'm sorry. We have to. I'm...sorry." she was hysteric, Joss didn't understand she was about to try to calm her down when she felt sharp pain on her temple, she closed her eyes and fell.

When Lionel Fusco finally arrived at the safe house, he knew he was too late, Finch had witness the entire ordeal and gave him the details, Fusco hoped all he would find would be unconscious bodies not dead bodies. The door was ajar, he entered the house with his weapon ready to be fired. He saw John's body on the floor, he checked for his pulse and was relieved to know there was one. He checked the entire house looking for Carter, he found her unconcious body in the baby's nursery. Finch arrived very few minutes after. John was stirring back to conciousness when he saw his friend. He got up painfully and Finch helped him to sit on a chair.

"Mr. Reese do you have any injuries?"

"A couple of cracked ribs." He tried to recall what happened exactly but his head was in no way cooperative. "Where is Joss?" He had just uttered the words that Fusco climbed down the stairs with a confused Joss clinging to him, she kept asking for John.

John stood up quickly, ignoring the dizziness from the concussion he certainly had. He checked Joss for any injuries, she assured him she was fine just a headache. She inquired about him and anger rose in her when he told her he had a couple of ribs cracked. Neither of them could remember exactly what happened. Finch however could explain.

"When Boris stopped working for the former Russian spies he wasn't bringing money home anymore, they were evicted from their apartment and had to live in squatting building. Laoula could not accept their new way of life and sought the Russians to take her fathers place. When she wanted out of the job and they wouldn't let her she threatened to call the FBI."

"Where are they now, Finch?"

"They are...far...away." Joss reached for John's hand to squeeze it. That's what the bad feeling was all about. It hadn't been about John dying physically, but having yet an other chunk of his soul ripped out.

"Don't blame yourself. We tried hard to protect them, when I could have saved them they knocked me unconscious. They made the choice of dying, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it."

"The baby? Where is she? I promised I would look after her!"

"In the closet in the nursery, Laoula hid her there." Fusco ran upstairs and came back as fast with the girl.

John thanked him and took her in his arms, without a word he made his way to the kitchen and prepared her a bottle. John was hypnotized by her beauty, she had a skin like a porcelain doll, she had big beautiful blue eyes, much like her sister had. She was blonde, in fact her hair were so faire it looked white. She was calm, she was only hours old but she didn't cry a lot. John fed her, he was suffering from his cracked rib but he didn't care, the treasure he held in his arms was far more important than any pain he could suffer. He promised Laoula he would look after and that's what he will be doing. He didn't know how it could possibly work out, he guessed Finch would have to help too, he hoped Joss would accept his decision and support him. He hoped Taylor wouldn't change his mind about him and his mom. He went to change her diaper and once she was clean, fresh and fed he came back to the living room where everyone was. Joss asked him to hand her the baby and to stay still so he would feel less pain, when they will be back to New York he will see Megan Tillman so he could be patched up.

"Mr. Reese we need to find a home for the baby." John smiled, a warm smile.

"She already has a home." Everyone looked at him, puzzled.

"She has a father, Johnathan Riley." Finch understood immediately.

He couldn't believe John was actually doing this, then again it shouldn't surprise him since he promised to look after her. Fusco looked over at Carter who seemed preoccupied by something else.

"Mr. Reese, do you really believe this to be a good idea?"

"No. But it's the best."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

_This was the last chapter, I'm working on a sequel if you guys are interested. _

_I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it!_

_Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, it was much appreciated._


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